Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 08:09     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

wtf? What do you expect elderly people to do? Kill themselves so you can inherit their money?

Now, that's disgusting.

-gen xer with elderly parents who need care.


Right? I feel like this was an elder millennial. Or just some pyscho. Chilling.


I don't know. I'm a 55-year-old Gen Xer dealing with my mother with dementia. While I don't have that same sentiment about inheritance, I do agree that it just doesn't feel fair that my life revolves around her and my in laws. Even beyond the care part of it, just every holiday, the guilt trips over whether or not we spend enough time with them. I mean, at what point does a life become your own. Both my mother and my MIL lost their parents by their early 40s. They have no clue what this feels like. I am so depressed that I can't have a life of my own, probably ever. I will be pretty old by the time they die with no good years left for myself. It is really really depressing.


I’m right there with you. After my dad died in 2015 my mom latched onto me as her person. She was already showing mild cognitive decline then and is now mid-late stage dementia with a host of physical issues. She’s been needy this whole time but the last 1.5 years of my life has been dealing with varying crisis relating to her health. I’m an empty nester now but I’m not. The nest just got filled by my mom. Leaves little time and energy for anything but her.

I think our kids are going to have it so much easier as we all deal with this and make whatever efforts we can to ensure our kids don’t have to deal with the same issues. I met a woman in my mom’s rehab place who was in their long-term care side. Not much wrong with her but she said she intends to die in that place because she doesn’t want to burden her kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 07:49     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m 59 now, taking care of my mom 89. She’s still in good health, mentally there. I’m just sick of her being in my house, I know this sounds terrible. My culture you don’t put parents in a nursing home, she/we can’t afford one either. No other siblings to help care for her.

Just venting.


Hugs. I feel similarly. I don’t want to live long especially if it means someone is put upon. Fortunately(?) I don’t think I will live much past 60. I’m in my 50s but younger than you. Life isn’t all
That exciting to begin with. Let my kids be free before 30.

Life can be exciting at 60 if you are healthy enough to travel. But, at 80something and being infirmed, yea, that would suck.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 07:39     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

wtf? What do you expect elderly people to do? Kill themselves so you can inherit their money?

Now, that's disgusting.

-gen xer with elderly parents who need care.


Right? I feel like this was an elder millennial. Or just some pyscho. Chilling.


I don't know. I'm a 55-year-old Gen Xer dealing with my mother with dementia. While I don't have that same sentiment about inheritance, I do agree that it just doesn't feel fair that my life revolves around her and my in laws. Even beyond the care part of it, just every holiday, the guilt trips over whether or not we spend enough time with them. I mean, at what point does a life become your own. Both my mother and my MIL lost their parents by their early 40s. They have no clue what this feels like. I am so depressed that I can't have a life of my own, probably ever. I will be pretty old by the time they die with no good years left for myself. It is really really depressing.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 07:09     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

wtf? What do you expect elderly people to do? Kill themselves so you can inherit their money?

Now, that's disgusting.

-gen xer with elderly parents who need care.


Right? I feel like this was an elder millennial. Or just some pyscho. Chilling.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 05:38     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:I think if you are wishing for her death, it is time to put your mother in a nursing home paid by Medicare even if it is not common in your culture.


Medicare does not pay for long term nursing homes.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 03:51     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:Dealing with the care of my 88 year old mom. She has congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, high blood pressure and takes about 14 daily meds. Also has significant cognitive decline that exacerbated depression. She sold the childhood home and moved to an independent living community but has been in and out of the hospital and inpatient rehab more than she’s been in her apartment.

She is in complete denial of her health and condition and landed herself back in the hospital because she stopped taking one of her antidepressants cold turkey when she decided she was no longer depressed. Now we pay for a med service company to give her meds twice a day.

All this said, she lives “independently” but I take her to various medical appointments about one a week. Also take notes during each appointment and provide updates to my siblings.



Can you please share the name of the med service company?
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 03:45     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I really hope that by the time I get to 80 there will be options like they have in Switzerland now. I would love to go at 80 at the latest.


I have a chunk of money for the Switzerland trip.


Me too. My mother is 82 and has dementia. I absolutely do not want to live like that and plan on going to Switzerland or where ever else I can die in peace. I have told my kids and husband I am 100% sure I do not want to live with dementia so please help me go to Switzerland when the time is right. The tricky part is there is only a short window when you start to decline and are still able to make decisions and plan for yourself. Any later and you can't do accompanied suicide in Switzerland.

I really hope that in 30 years this option exists in the United States. I really think more elderly people would chose it. I don't want to burn through all the money I have saved to be but in a memory care facility wasting 100,000 a year. I would much rather my children have that money to live a better life.

Meanwhile it is ridiculous why there is such aggressive medical treatment for elderly. I realized when my mother was prescribed a dementia/alzheimers drug it potentially EXTENDS your life 2.6 years without improving your life. It in no way reverses or stops. It just delays the inevitable. Luckily it upset my mother's stomach so it was stopped. I don't want her life extended 2.6 years since she already has moderate Alzheimers / dementia.


I'm lucky to live in Canada, where we have some options. A friend's mother chose to die not long ago, after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. She sadly was not very old.
Dementia is so tricky because you need to have plans in place before it starts. I'm actually not sure what the law says with regard to dementia. There's been a lot of debate over assisted suicide for mental health issues, which is currently not allowed.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 03:38     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:It's not age, it's health. The ideal (which is of course very rare) is to remain healthy for a long life, then die after a short but not painful illness. If your 89 year old month needs care, then by definition she is in declining health.


The ideal is to remain healthy for a long life, and then just die one day when you fall asleep in your favorite chair. It's happened to a few old people I knew, but obviously not most. The most recent was 104, going out for dinners with her family with makeup on and everything.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 01:48     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Retirement was designed to be 8 years after 65 then you die around 73, now boomers are retiring at 65 and taking 25 years to die, where do you think the money comes from? Their children's future and current earnings.


Boomers have pensions


Only a lucky few. The rest have 401ks if they are lucky.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 01:47     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Retirement was designed to be 8 years after 65 then you die around 73, now boomers are retiring at 65 and taking 25 years to die, where do you think the money comes from? Their children's future and current earnings.


The oldest boomers are 77 right now so we haven’t really had time to see this happen yet. But it does seem likely to happen.


I’ve had two friends die of cancer at 62 this past year. No one knows how long they have.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 01:42     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:My dad loved this article (and died in his sleep two days before his 75th birthday)

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/10/why-i-hope-to-die-at-75/379329/


I’ve read this article many times over the years and the follow up one from a couple years ago. It is a healthy outlook IMO.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 01:39     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I really hope that by the time I get to 80 there will be options like they have in Switzerland now. I would love to go at 80 at the latest.


I have a chunk of money for the Switzerland trip.


Me too. My mother is 82 and has dementia. I absolutely do not want to live like that and plan on going to Switzerland or where ever else I can die in peace. I have told my kids and husband I am 100% sure I do not want to live with dementia so please help me go to Switzerland when the time is right. The tricky part is there is only a short window when you start to decline and are still able to make decisions and plan for yourself. Any later and you can't do accompanied suicide in Switzerland.

I really hope that in 30 years this option exists in the United States. I really think more elderly people would chose it. I don't want to burn through all the money I have saved to be but in a memory care facility wasting 100,000 a year. I would much rather my children have that money to live a better life.

Meanwhile it is ridiculous why there is such aggressive medical treatment for elderly. I realized when my mother was prescribed a dementia/alzheimers drug it potentially EXTENDS your life 2.6 years without improving your life. It in no way reverses or stops. It just delays the inevitable. Luckily it upset my mother's stomach so it was stopped. I don't want her life extended 2.6 years since she already has moderate Alzheimers / dementia.


Wow. That does seem cruel to extend her life when the drugs present just as many problems as going out gracefully. Different if she had her full faculties and was younger.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2024 01:34     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:I’m 59 now, taking care of my mom 89. She’s still in good health, mentally there. I’m just sick of her being in my house, I know this sounds terrible. My culture you don’t put parents in a nursing home, she/we can’t afford one either. No other siblings to help care for her.

Just venting.


Hugs. I feel similarly. I don’t want to live long especially if it means someone is put upon. Fortunately(?) I don’t think I will live much past 60. I’m in my 50s but younger than you. Life isn’t all
That exciting to begin with. Let my kids be free before 30.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 23:36     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
Anonymous wrote:Retirement was designed to be 8 years after 65 then you die around 73, now boomers are retiring at 65 and taking 25 years to die, where do you think the money comes from? Their children's future and current earnings.


Boomers have pensions
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2024 23:28     Subject: People are living too long.. I hope to die age 82-85
This discussion reminds me of the depressing film, Midsommar, where a creepy commune offs people when they reach a certain age, regardless of the elderly person’s wishes. The elderly person just accepts his fate.