Anonymous wrote:He is a legal adult. OP, you must to adapt to his adulthood. The more you try to tighten the screws, the more he will pull away from you and not come home anymore. If you try to use money (tuition) as a cudgel, he might just call your bluff. Sure, okay, whatever.

Let him be an adult. My college sophomore got home at 3 a.m.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a legal adult. OP, you must to adapt to his adulthood. The more you try to tighten the screws, the more he will pull away from you and not come home anymore. If you try to use money (tuition) as a cudgel, he might just call your bluff. Sure, okay, whatever.

Let him be an adult. My college sophomore got home at 3 a.m.

It’s just really sad that you, of all people with a kid the same age, can’t empathize for one second what it would feel like to walk into a room with your kid not there IN THE CONTEXT of him drinking heavily the week before and just having a sit down where he agreed to communicate.

You haven’t been spending the last 10 hours wondering if your kid is really okay. Dial back the parenting advice and just say, “I’m glad he’s safe.”

Anonymous wrote:He is a legal adult. OP, you must to adapt to his adulthood. The more you try to tighten the screws, the more he will pull away from you and not come home anymore. If you try to use money (tuition) as a cudgel, he might just call your bluff. Sure, okay, whatever.

Let him be an adult. My college sophomore got home at 3 a.m.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:And rereading your post, maybe drop the requirement to text where he is at 12:30. He’s not going to do this. How about agreeing that he give you a rough idea when he will be home and text if he’s staying the night somewhere else? Is he okay still having 360 on his phone at this age?

Problem is his battery life. Next time he has plans to go out (when he's back in your good graces!), remind him to charge his phone before he leaves.

Op here- he had battery life at 3:50– so way before then he could have texted “hey I’m going to Nicks yo spendnnite with some buddies”

12:30 is our timeframe to just let us know rough idea of his plans- that’s it- “I’ll be home in about hour”—- “I’m staying at Dave’s”—- whatever.

I don’t feel like a freshman home for holidays is too unnumbered by letting their folks now at 12:30 they are/ are not headed home. Then when I wake up I have an idea where he ended up.
It’s 3 weeks at Xmas and 2.5 months in summer and it makes me know he’s resonably safe— feel like that’s a pretty simple ask.
Honestly, I’m 50 and when I go to my parents house, I always say where I’m going out of just normal courtesy— “hey I’m going to dinner with friends tonite”—- “im going to mall”—- it just seems normal.
Then if I never came home, they would know it’s not like me and to worry.

I understand that, you are replying to me. I’m your age and absolutely tell my parents where I’m going to the minute when I’m visiting. But we are middle age. Remember being young? You are hoping to hook up with someone you meet and sometimes they spend the night together. We didn’t have cells to text our parents - I just met this hot guy and might stay over if it goes well, don’t wait up. Think about it- you don’t want to get that text!

I totally agree by the way- I was a more replying to the entire chain…. Not your responses only- sorry about that! Your points are spot on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And rereading your post, maybe drop the requirement to text where he is at 12:30. He’s not going to do this. How about agreeing that he give you a rough idea when he will be home and text if he’s staying the night somewhere else? Is he okay still having 360 on his phone at this age?

Problem is his battery life. Next time he has plans to go out (when he's back in your good graces!), remind him to charge his phone before he leaves.

Op here- he had battery life at 3:50– so way before then he could have texted “hey I’m going to Nicks yo spendnnite with some buddies”

12:30 is our timeframe to just let us know rough idea of his plans- that’s it- “I’ll be home in about hour”—- “I’m staying at Dave’s”—- whatever.

I don’t feel like a freshman home for holidays is too unnumbered by letting their folks now at 12:30 they are/ are not headed home. Then when I wake up I have an idea where he ended up.
It’s 3 weeks at Xmas and 2.5 months in summer and it makes me know he’s resonably safe— feel like that’s a pretty simple ask.
Honestly, I’m 50 and when I go to my parents house, I always say where I’m going out of just normal courtesy— “hey I’m going to dinner with friends tonite”—- “im going to mall”—- it just seems normal.
Then if I never came home, they would know it’s not like me and to worry.

I understand that, you are replying to me. I’m your age and absolutely tell my parents where I’m going to the minute when I’m visiting. But we are middle age. Remember being young? You are hoping to hook up with someone you meet and sometimes they spend the night together. We didn’t have cells to text our parents - I just met this hot guy and might stay over if it goes well, don’t wait up. Think about it- you don’t want to get that text!

Anonymous wrote:I have a 19YO college freshman and a 17YO high school junior. Communication, especially when tied to safety is non-negotiable.

If it were my kid, they would no longer have access to the family car while home over break. If our 19YO takes a family car out at night he must be home by 12 or must communicate that he is staying at a friend's before 12. Also, the car does not go on the road past midnight no matter where the kid spends the night. Nothing good happens after midnight.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry, your kid will find other plans for Christmas next year than coming “home” and dealing with your anxiety. This problem will solve itself.