Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He had had the new girlfriend on deck for awhile. If not more than on deck.
People always underestimate the elderly, lol.
OP again.
Whatever the case may be, I think it must be hurtful for my cousin's adult children.
I get that the husband doesn't want to be alone for the remaining years of his life, but 3 weeks after the funeral feels way too soon. And if he'd already had someone new lined up he could at least have made an effort to hide it for a little longer, for the sake of her children.
For another perspective, I got too much information from my grandfather. My grandmother was dying of cancer, and she made a plan and actually picked out who my grandfather should date after she died. That's who he picked. He told me that there were so many women after him in his condo, that he had no choice but to make a selection rapidly and make it clear. So, in his case, it was something that he and his partner actively wanted, and it was a move to fend off other suitors. Unfortunately, eligible old men are scarce, I guess.
So was it more like a practical arrangement and not a case of being 'in love'?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He had had the new girlfriend on deck for awhile. If not more than on deck.
People always underestimate the elderly, lol.
OP here.
That thought had actually crossed my mind. I have even thought of the possibility that the new lady may have come to the funeral and mingled with and talked to family after the service.
+1Anonymous wrote:He had had the new girlfriend on deck for awhile. If not more than on deck.
People always underestimate the elderly, lol.
Anonymous wrote:I have to say I have honestly never imagined that if one of my parents passes first the other would remarry, but I suppose they might. Hmm.
Socially, I'd love for them to have a companion, and I think both would have lots of "desirable" options.
Financially, yes, I suppose I'd have to chat with them about how to re-define arrangements with financial advisors. They are very engaged with their financial advisor and I have to imagine they've addressed this already, but if one were to get married I am not sure how laws or new feelings would affect their plans. I am not opposed to a new husband or wife being taken care of in a fair and kind way (my parents have enough money that I don't need all of it, I am an only child) but I do think that steps need to be taken to ensure the bulk goes to family of origin (me, my family) and no step-kids in their 50s or 60s profit from my parents (besides maybe the sale of a modest house after their biological parent passes, I'd be OK with that).
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He had had the new girlfriend on deck for awhile. If not more than on deck.
People always underestimate the elderly, lol.
OP again.
Whatever the case may be, I think it must be hurtful for my cousin's adult children.
I get that the husband doesn't want to be alone for the remaining years of his life, but 3 weeks after the funeral feels way too soon. And if he'd already had someone new lined up he could at least have made an effort to hide it for a little longer, for the sake of her children.
For another perspective, I got too much information from my grandfather. My grandmother was dying of cancer, and she made a plan and actually picked out who my grandfather should date after she died. That's who he picked. He told me that there were so many women after him in his condo, that he had no choice but to make a selection rapidly and make it clear. So, in his case, it was something that he and his partner actively wanted, and it was a move to fend off other suitors. Unfortunately, eligible old men are scarce, I guess.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If the illness was that long, some mourn along the way and when death finally comes, it is a relief and release. It happens as people process loss differently.
Yes, it's anticipatory grieving and the surviving spouse is further along in the process than if the death happened suddenly.
I am the OP.
I can understand this. My cousin had been diagnosed with a progressive illness around 1.5 years before her death. I suspect she had been feeling unwell and was struggling with gradual physical decline for some time before her diagnosis.
The first wife of my cousin's husband went through a similar ordeal before she died.
I think you should focus on the things you said about how he took very good care of her while she was declining and dying and leave it at that. That's all that matters to your cousin, because now she's no longer here and she doesn't have feelings either way about his new friendship/relationship. Why should you? He loved and took loving care of your cousin. He's a good guy and he's not long for this world and like most men - especially those who were happily married - he doesn't want to be alone, he wants to be loved and cared for. Since he's lovingly cared for two wives as they declined and died, surely he's earned the right to have someone lovingly care for him as the same happens in his aging?
Anonymous wrote:My father was off on a tropical vacation with my mother's friend about 6 weeks after mom's death. He declared it his best vacation ever, including all the ones he took with us kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If the illness was that long, some mourn along the way and when death finally comes, it is a relief and release. It happens as people process loss differently.
Yes, it's anticipatory grieving and the surviving spouse is further along in the process than if the death happened suddenly.
I am the OP.
I can understand this. My cousin had been diagnosed with a progressive illness around 1.5 years before her death. I suspect she had been feeling unwell and was struggling with gradual physical decline for some time before her diagnosis.
The first wife of my cousin's husband went through a similar ordeal before she died.