Therapy obviously didn't work for Woody Allen: "Go ahead, Mr. Allen. Marry your stepdaughter. Do what makes you feel good." I'm saying this because the one (and only) time I visited a therapist I was told it was OK to do something in my marriage, which was obviously to me the wrong thing to do.

Anonymous wrote:I had a therapist who kept asking about my childhood. They were looking for me to talk about dysfunction but I had a lovely childhood with wonderful parents.

Relationship therapist once really wanted us to hire a cleaning lady instead of working on any problems my ex and I had regarding him not doing any chores and expecting me to do it all.

I agree with the therapist. If your ex hated doing chores so much, why not use part of his salary to hire a cleaning lady? It sounds like you demanded that he should do the chores because you don’t mind doing them. But you were annoyed that he wouldn’t pitch in. You weren’t looking for a resolution, you were looking to be in control.

I’ll bet a good deep dive into your childhood and things wouldn’t be a peachy keen as you remember them, which would help explain your extreme rigidity.

Signed a lady who hates chores and who happily hires others to do them.

It was OK for me for a year or so but I stayed too long and it was a bit indulgent in a gross way, like overeating, it wasn't enjoyable. I think the therapist probably felt the same. I ended up rehashing the original problem to death because it was really the main thing bugging me despite making peace with it. I also ended up beating myself up in sessions and just being miserable while they perpetually misread my thoughts/feelings because their views and tendencies were very different from my own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans love therapy because they are self-obsessed and indulgent.

People would be much better off maintaining a stiff upper lip and getting on with it.

I’m an American who agrees with this. I’m so sick of hearing about everyone’s therapy. It’s not working, folks.

I guess you two have all the answers. Talk about rigidity that might benefit from...therapy.

I don’t have a lot of answers, but that’s ok. I don’t mind loose ends and life getting messy sometimes. I’ve tried therapy a few times thought my life and each time have found it completely useless and not at all what I needed to progress. My friends who have have gone deep into therapy speak have become increasingly self-absorbed and difficult to connect with. Kind of a bummer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans love therapy because they are self-obsessed and indulgent.

People would be much better off maintaining a stiff upper lip and getting on with it.

I’m an American who agrees with this. I’m so sick of hearing about everyone’s therapy. It’s not working, folks.

I guess you two have all the answers. Talk about rigidity that might benefit from...therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Americans love therapy because they are self-obsessed and indulgent.

People would be much better off maintaining a stiff upper lip and getting on with it.

I’m an American who agrees with this. I’m so sick of hearing about everyone’s therapy. It’s not working, folks.

Fellow American here. Agree with both of you.

I had a therapist who kept asking about my childhood. They were looking for me to talk about dysfunction but I had a lovely childhood with wonderful parents.

Relationship therapist once really wanted us to hire a cleaning lady instead of working on any problems my ex and I had regarding him not doing any chores and expecting me to do it all.

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. I have several friends who go to therapy and it’s clear that it doesn’t work. They all have a victim complex, use their trauma as an excuse for their behavior, and are very negative people in general. They are also extremely emotionally needy and always mention their “anxiety.” None of my friends in therapy have been able to work steady jobs for most of their adult lives and whine and cry when their parents won’t give them money for a trip or encourage them to get a job. It seems as if therapy just reinforces their neediness and childish behavior as the therapist probably tells them how great they are and how awful and wrong their families are. Therapists are enablers in a lot of cases. Nothing good usually comes from therapy.

These are the bad therapists. The younger ones who think everything is traumatic.

Anonymous wrote:Americans love therapy because they are self-obsessed and indulgent.

People would be much better off maintaining a stiff upper lip and getting on with it.

I’m an American who agrees with this. I’m so sick of hearing about everyone’s therapy. It’s not working, folks.

Americans love therapy because they are self-obsessed and indulgent.

People would be much better off maintaining a stiff upper lip and getting on with it.

I went to therapy twice with two different therapists, both PhD Clinical Psychologists. Both times I went because something externally bad had happened in my life and I was depressed about it. I think the term is situational depression.

Both therapists ended the sessions on their end when they thought I had healed enough. Both times the therapy was once a week for six-ish months (though I believe it was a little longer the second time). My point is no one kept trying to keep me coming.

I will say that the second therapist was a better fit for me than the first. I learned a lot about myself from her that I didn’t from my first round of therapy. I’ve since had other difficult experiences, but the coping mechanisms I learned from round two have been priceless. I think therapy can do wonders, but I also think it depends on why you are seeking it.

First time I was in therapy I was in very bad shape-delusions, to begin with. As reality settled in, I remember reaching a point where I was worried I wouldn't be able to come up with stuff to tell the therapist. (PhD clinical psychologist)

Second time was very interesting, more so in retrospect. It really was life-changing in good ways, particularly related to a horrific traumatic event during my childhood. But it was also a time when therapists believed absolutely in suppressed memories of child sexual abuse and I did get categorized that way--even referred to an incest survivors' group. That was an extremely unsettling time (terrified of these purported hidden memories). But I found my feet again.

Third was a CBT therapist who literally saved my life when I relapsed into extremely severe anxiety and depression.

Went through some stretches when I saw graduate student therapists at a university center.

None of the above did what OP thinks therapists do. They did help me survive some extremely rocky passages in my life.

Nobody - no matter how "good" the therapist is - can make you view something in a different way unless you are ready to view it that way and/or you are just about there yourself and they gently give you the idea to consider it more thoroughly. There is nobody that can really lift you out of a fog.

I say this with experience of living a hard life and being completely on my own with no family (only child, no extended family like cousins, aunts, uncles). I have had many close friends however in my life and thus, understand the closeness of a family. There has never been a therapist who has been able to open me up to anything that I have not personally thought about. That my childhood was full of emotional and physical abuse, neglect and loneliness should have me totally messed up. However, I've been able to thrive with a family of my own and a husband who is, even if he can't fully understand my background, a great support of friendship and health. It's been because of my own ability to figure things out. Life heals all. Through the people you come across, though your own growth and learning, through some luck.

Therapy is something that can be useful but it's not a magic cure all. It can I'm sure comfort you and perhaps guide you but it cannot take all your pain away.

No therapist will be able to get you from point A to point B. No therapist can help you find peace nor help make you whole. They are like crutches for when you can't walk. You can use them to get through a bad time until you are well enough on your own and healed.

I find this too. At this point in my life, I’m 60, I know my strengths, weakness, and what I still need to work on. I remind myself to be thankful for what I have and to accept others for whom they are. Not much more therapy can do.

I talk to my dog now because now I just vent. In the past venting to the therapist, someone outside my circle, was helpful to me; I always was insightful about myself, life situations/ circumstances, and why I felt the way I did/do about things because of my upbringing.

Remembering to be grateful and getting time alone is my therapy.

After a while I felt like my two previous therapists enjoyed hearing about me for entertainment peaces. I could tell their lives were boring.