Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:43
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:I agree that ordering coffee after the check comes or well into dessert is rude.
But it seems moderately rude to me not to offer coffee and tea to guests with dessert. Nowadays when so many people have espresso machines or single service coffee machines it seems easier than it used to be.
It does sort of irritate me when hosts want to make a whole pot but don’t even start it until after all the dishes are cleared and cleaned from dinner. My brother does this — it is late and we want to get on the road and he’s like “I’ll just put on the coffee….l” like it’s a totally unanticipated act each time.
I cannot wrap my head around how it is rude to not offer coffee or tea with dessert. That is such a crazy assumption. What if we don't drink tea or coffee ? What entitled, selfish thinking. I've invited you over for a meal or dessert and I'm rude for not providing your beverage of choice? I would never invite someone like you to my house again.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:41
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:
I'm French. Many people drink coffee after a meal, indeed in France it's all the rage now to have "cafe gourmand", which means a plate of mini desserts to go with your coffee. You're SUPPOSED to take a leisurely time with it. And if you already had dessert, and now you want coffee, the waiter will think that's normal too. Because coffee at any time is normal!
It's the same in many countries around the world. Turkey, for instance.
So before you enrage yourself at people, please pause for a moment to remind yourself that it's rude to police what other people drink at mealtimes, and it's not healthy to bolt your food and rush out.
I do agree that it's important to read the room: if there's a poor schmuck who forgot he needed a little espresso and orders it after everyone has eaten dessert and no one else wants coffee... then he should probably ask whether they want to leave, or are ready to chat while he sips.
But I still don't think this warrants ranting on DCUM. Bad for your blood pressure. Have a chocolate and calm down, OP. Think about your Christmas or next holiday meal. Dream about buche de Noel! This is a time of joy, togetherness and indulgence.
Your work/life balance is quite different from ours. Meals out with friends can drag for hours. I'm not waiting for someone to leisurely sip their coffee when the rest of us are ready to leave. I'd rather be in bed trying to get ahead of the sleep deprivation I'm building.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:32
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange rant. My extended family doesn’t drink alcohol but they do expect coffee with dessert. At restaurants they often know this and will ask when you’re ordering dessert. Similar to how a lot of people order cognac with dessert.
In the age of keurigs how hard is it to make a cup of coffee?
Keurigs are disgusting. I’ve never had a decent cup of coffee that came out of a pod. So gross.
I agree completely. Most people have never "burped" a Keurig and seen what comes out. I also never, ever had a good tasting cup of coffee from one.
No one in my family drinks coffee but me. I make a cup of instant here and there. Anyone expecting me to go out of my way to drum some up after I've invited them over for a meal is rude. Not everyone drinks coffee.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:30
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
I agree that ordering coffee after the check comes or well into dessert is rude.
But it seems moderately rude to me not to offer coffee and tea to guests with dessert. Nowadays when so many people have espresso machines or single service coffee machines it seems easier than it used to be.
It does sort of irritate me when hosts want to make a whole pot but don’t even start it until after all the dishes are cleared and cleaned from dinner. My brother does this — it is late and we want to get on the road and he’s like “I’ll just put on the coffee….l” like it’s a totally unanticipated act each time.
But it seems moderately rude to me not to offer coffee and tea to guests with dessert. Nowadays when so many people have espresso machines or single service coffee machines it seems easier than it used to be.
It does sort of irritate me when hosts want to make a whole pot but don’t even start it until after all the dishes are cleared and cleaned from dinner. My brother does this — it is late and we want to get on the road and he’s like “I’ll just put on the coffee….l” like it’s a totally unanticipated act each time.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:15
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
I'm French. Many people drink coffee after a meal, indeed in France it's all the rage now to have "cafe gourmand", which means a plate of mini desserts to go with your coffee. You're SUPPOSED to take a leisurely time with it. And if you already had dessert, and now you want coffee, the waiter will think that's normal too. Because coffee at any time is normal!
It's the same in many countries around the world. Turkey, for instance.
So before you enrage yourself at people, please pause for a moment to remind yourself that it's rude to police what other people drink at mealtimes, and it's not healthy to bolt your food and rush out.
I do agree that it's important to read the room: if there's a poor schmuck who forgot he needed a little espresso and orders it after everyone has eaten dessert and no one else wants coffee... then he should probably ask whether they want to leave, or are ready to chat while he sips.
But I still don't think this warrants ranting on DCUM. Bad for your blood pressure. Have a chocolate and calm down, OP. Think about your Christmas or next holiday meal. Dream about buche de Noel! This is a time of joy, togetherness and indulgence.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:05
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Unless they have pressing things to do, guests should wait until the person orders the last-minute coffee and continue to make conversation. Surely that's why you got together, to enjoy each other's company? Don't worry about the waiter, or the restaurant. Their job is to serve food and drink.
If you have something else to do, you can look at the time and excuse yourself.
Asking for coffee in a private home depends on how well you know the host. My friends and relatives can ask for whatever they want.
I conclude you're seeing this person only on sufferance and that you'd rather be anywhere else. In that case you can excuse yourself, or maybe just not go in the first place!
Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:05
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Has it more work for the server if they order after desert or with? Said a a former server, GM and restaurant consultant.
Um, if the check has already been tabulated and presented, at the very least, it requires another tab to be created and brought to the table. It requires at least two more trips to and from the table: one to put the order in/fulfill it, and one to bring the new check.
Did I go slow enough for you?
NP. Why did you add the rude snarky comment at the end of your post? Are you like that in real life?
OP, I agree people should order coffee when they order dessert. And the server ideally will ask at the time the dessert orders are being placed.
If you (or whomever wrote this) didn’t want snark, they shouldn’t have employed the “I’m a Big Deal Restauranteur” schtick only to be immediately shut down with simple logic. Mr. Restaurant says it requires no more work. Anyone using simple logic can see that, yes it does, unless the server is brining the coffee for free so as to avoid another, post-dessert-order, check.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:04
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What are you saying - that it’s passe or that it’s annoying?
My close friend loves to have coffee after dinner. I know I have to make her an espresso drink after dinner no matter what. It’s not that upsetting to me. She’s my friend so I want her to enjoy herself in my home.
NP. It is passe in that no one except Boomers still expect/ask for it. It’s not part of dinner party culture anymore, and hardly anyone of any age orders it out at a restaurant anymore. Even as long ago as the 90s, Bourdain was making fun of coffee-with-dessert and (worst of all) decaf people in “Kitchen Confidential.”
People also eat dinner much later now. Isn’t the point of coffee with dessert to perk you up before going out after dinner? Why would anyone headed straight home want a bunch of caffeine? If I drink coffee past 5pm I’ll toss and turn before finally falling asleep.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 20:02
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:I will say I don’t know anyone under the age of 50 who regularly serves coffee with dessert. If they’re doing it, it’s because someone old asked for it, or there are older people at the restaurant in our party.
+1. I was gonna say old or first gen foreigners.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 19:57
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, is this aimed at a particular person in your life, by any chance?
Ha, obviously. Probably an in-law.
NP. the only explanation for this post is that there is a particular person (poor person!) who did this to OP so she has to crowdsource here. Or OP has serious issues.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 19:54
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Has it more work for the server if they order after desert or with? Said a a former server, GM and restaurant consultant.
Um, if the check has already been tabulated and presented, at the very least, it requires another tab to be created and brought to the table. It requires at least two more trips to and from the table: one to put the order in/fulfill it, and one to bring the new check.
Did I go slow enough for you?
NP. Why did you add the rude snarky comment at the end of your post? Are you like that in real life?
OP, I agree people should order coffee when they order dessert. And the server ideally will ask at the time the dessert orders are being placed.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 19:51
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:Has it more work for the server if they order after desert or with? Said a a former server, GM and restaurant consultant.
Um, if the check has already been tabulated and presented, at the very least, it requires another tab to be created and brought to the table. It requires at least two more trips to and from the table: one to put the order in/fulfill it, and one to bring the new check.
Did I go slow enough for you?
Anonymous
12/17/2023 19:50
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:What are you saying - that it’s passe or that it’s annoying?
My close friend loves to have coffee after dinner. I know I have to make her an espresso drink after dinner no matter what. It’s not that upsetting to me. She’s my friend so I want her to enjoy herself in my home.
NP. It is passe in that no one except Boomers still expect/ask for it. It’s not part of dinner party culture anymore, and hardly anyone of any age orders it out at a restaurant anymore. Even as long ago as the 90s, Bourdain was making fun of coffee-with-dessert and (worst of all) decaf people in “Kitchen Confidential.”
Anonymous
12/17/2023 19:48
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:I agree. When my in laws visit, my FIL always ask "Is there coffee?" when we bring out dessert. Nope, there's no coffee. Feel free to make some while we enjoy dessert though.
+1. I’m not making coffee for one person while the rest of us are ready for dessert and moving on with the evening, but if one or two people want coffee, they are welcome to make it.
Anonymous
12/17/2023 19:46
Subject: Expecting coffee with dessert is annoying and passé
Anonymous wrote:This is a really strange rant. My extended family doesn’t drink alcohol but they do expect coffee with dessert. At restaurants they often know this and will ask when you’re ordering dessert. Similar to how a lot of people order cognac with dessert.
In the age of keurigs how hard is it to make a cup of coffee?
And that's fine, but OP is talking about people who order coffee AFTER dessert, when people are ready to leave.