Anonymous wrote:Woman here.Tossing around stats like that is such BS and is done to rile up all the DCum women who hate their husbands. Most people on this are women so why not ask women if they have cheated, ideally using valid data if it exists. FWIW I’ve never cheated and I’ve never had the desire or the need to.

DH here.

Agree.

And no, have never cheated.

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Anonymous wrote:That has to be a national average. I feel like the men in this area are too boring and tired to cheat that frequently.

I think it is the most boring men who are most likely to be dissatisfied with their lives and cheat.

Yes, but I’m boring and therefore have never had an opportunity to cheat.

Would you take the opportunity if it presented itself? Or would you make the opportunity if you figured out a way how?

I’d like to think I wouldn’t, but how would I know? Everyone on DCUM says men are only as faithful as their options. I’m not looking to make an opportunity and don’t expect one to fall in my lap.

It is true that married men are only as faithful as their options. What kind of men have these options? He might be smoking hot movie star handsome with women literally throwing themselves at him: not many of those guys around! So that leaves men who CREATE their own options .... by putting in the work. What motivates a married man to do that work? Libido, either because his is exceptionally high or (FAR more likely) insufficient sex at home. This does not excuse men cheating but it certain does explain it.

This is baloney. I have tons of options/ chances and I would never do that to my wife whom I love.

Married man here. The closest I got was a non physical emotional affair. Helped her get where she wanted to be then now we are just friends occasional contact.

Anonymous wrote:I've had sex with women other than my wife but she was always there

Blessed be the fruit.

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Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot for work, I’ve never witnessed it or even heard a specific enough rumor. It doesn’t make for a juicy DCUM thread but most of us just FaceTime with our families while eating room service.

People are sneaky about it.

I work in a boring federal office with swirling rumors that our director is having an affair with one of his subordinates. I’ve seen more attractive garden gnomes than him but the whole thing seems increasingly plausible. That’s the only real life affair I know of right now after a decade in my career.

I've never cheated in 25 years of marriage. I'm not a great husband but I haven't cheated.

One thing I have learned is that I never know what is going on inside of someone else's relationship/marriage.

NP. I work in a senior position for a very high profile company. Yes, some coworkers cheat, usually with other coworkers. I think that part is nuts; such an easy way to flush a lucrative career down the toilet.

As a guy in my early 40s, my opportunities are either more junior women (which feels icky due to the power imbalance), or peers at my own level. I have had a couple opportunities related to the later while on international business trips, but have always declined due to morals and loving my family.

I’ve also had a couple of crazy opportunities with extremely attractive local employees of companies we do business with, but always decline. I think senior American businessmen are probably an exciting diversion for some of these European women.

I’m not particularly handsome, but am tall, successful, dress well, in good shape, kind, and intelligent. I’ve found that’s enough for opportunities to come to me (I never look for them).

I think for some of us, the same responsible personalities that led to business success also help us keep it in our pants.

That said, in a different life, or if it was socially acceptable, I would have absolutely loved to indulge in some of the opportunities. I feel this particularly acutely as I age and my sex life with my own wife declines from outstanding, to merely good, to average, to below-average.

Anonymous wrote:As a married man, have you cheated?

As far as I know, no men in my immediate family ever cheated. I think if anyone did, I would've heard as we have strong women in our family, they won't take it sitting down.

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot for work, I’ve never witnessed it or even heard a specific enough rumor. It doesn’t make for a juicy DCUM thread but most of us just FaceTime with our families while eating room service.

People are sneaky about it.

I travel a lot for work, I’ve never witnessed it or even heard a specific enough rumor. It doesn’t make for a juicy DCUM thread but most of us just FaceTime with our families while eating room service.

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Anonymous wrote:That has to be a national average. I feel like the men in this area are too boring and tired to cheat that frequently.

I think it is the most boring men who are most likely to be dissatisfied with their lives and cheat.

Yes, but I’m boring and therefore have never had an opportunity to cheat.

Would you take the opportunity if it presented itself? Or would you make the opportunity if you figured out a way how?

I’d like to think I wouldn’t, but how would I know? Everyone on DCUM says men are only as faithful as their options. I’m not looking to make an opportunity and don’t expect one to fall in my lap.

It is true that married men are only as faithful as their options. What kind of men have these options? He might be smoking hot movie star handsome with women literally throwing themselves at him: not many of those guys around! So that leaves men who CREATE their own options .... by putting in the work. What motivates a married man to do that work? Libido, either because his is exceptionally high or (FAR more likely) insufficient sex at home. This does not excuse men cheating but it certain does explain it.

Particularly if the latter is part of a greater pattern of resentment at home.

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Anonymous wrote:I believe it. I am a married woman and I get hit on all the time while on business travel. If your spouse travels regularly, chances are he is hooking up or at least trying.

This is such BS. You get hit on all the time because you put yourself in positions to be hit on and the horn dogs who are out there know where to find you. I’ve done business travel for years and yes, I’ve met horn dogs, but most of the men are decent.

I am new poster and I disagree. I go to a yearly conference that is always in my hometown, and even when I MYOB and don't attempt to socialize beyond one dinner that I always go to, I get messages from men at the event asking if I am free or want to grab a drink or when I'm leaving, etc...

When I go to other work events that I do socialize at (with my regular group of work friends from around the country) there are always always always people looking to have some additional fun.

It's just such an odd dynamic to put people together who are out of their element, free of family life for a few days and nights, and with tons of alcohol.

I think this is a good point. I used to do trial work. Anything over 2 weeks and people start to lose it and start looking for comfort in their eco-workers.

I’ve known several marriages that busted up this way. Very common. Travel, stress, isolation from family and friends, alcohol.

And yes lawyers are boring and they are beyond exhausted during trial but not too exhausted to share bodily fluids.

This is a good point. Management consultant here and there’s definitely a “breaking point” on certain projects.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That has to be a national average. I feel like the men in this area are too boring and tired to cheat that frequently.

I think it is the most boring men who are most likely to be dissatisfied with their lives and cheat.

Yes, but I’m boring and therefore have never had an opportunity to cheat.

Would you take the opportunity if it presented itself? Or would you make the opportunity if you figured out a way how?

I’d like to think I wouldn’t, but how would I know? Everyone on DCUM says men are only as faithful as their options. I’m not looking to make an opportunity and don’t expect one to fall in my lap.

It is true that married men are only as faithful as their options. What kind of men have these options? He might be smoking hot movie star handsome with women literally throwing themselves at him: not many of those guys around! So that leaves men who CREATE their own options .... by putting in the work. What motivates a married man to do that work? Libido, either because his is exceptionally high or (FAR more likely) insufficient sex at home. This does not excuse men cheating but it certain does explain it.

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Anonymous wrote:Divorce statistics, cheating statistics, yada yada. All I can do is influence my own marriage. If we are happy emotionally, physically, financially etc we won’t be a statistic and so far so good.

It seems like there are a lot of screwed up people in the world whose spouses are caught off guard by their indiscretions because things seemed happy and healthy. I think the best advice is to not make your marriage or any other one thing your entire life or reason for living, especially your marriage, career, or children. Life changes on a dime and you can lose anything and everything. You need to have a higher purpose.

No. Just a means to support yourself, your own good career and retirement.

It is what my parents told me and what I’d tell daughters if I had them. I have all sons and I tell them to take a careful look at family relationships.

Having a good career and a means to support yourself is absolutely a part of not making your marriage your entire life. But it’s not the only part. You have to have a healthy sense of self and hobbies, friends, etc. outside of your marriage as well as a sense of purpose and meaning, however you define that for yourself.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it. I am a married woman and I get hit on all the time while on business travel. If your spouse travels regularly, chances are he is hooking up or at least trying.

This is such BS. You get hit on all the time because you put yourself in positions to be hit on and the horn dogs who are out there know where to find you. I’ve done business travel for years and yes, I’ve met horn dogs, but most of the men are decent.

I am new poster and I disagree. I go to a yearly conference that is always in my hometown, and even when I MYOB and don't attempt to socialize beyond one dinner that I always go to, I get messages from men at the event asking if I am free or want to grab a drink or when I'm leaving, etc...

When I go to other work events that I do socialize at (with my regular group of work friends from around the country) there are always always always people looking to have some additional fun.

It's just such an odd dynamic to put people together who are out of their element, free of family life for a few days and nights, and with tons of alcohol.

I think this is a good point. I used to do trial work. Anything over 2 weeks and people start to lose it and start looking for comfort in their eco-workers.

I’ve known several marriages that busted up this way. Very common. Travel, stress, isolation from family and friends, alcohol.

And yes lawyers are boring and they are beyond exhausted during trial but not too exhausted to share bodily fluids.