Anonymous
12/11/2023 22:45
Subject: Activities with friends: is it assumed that the person who suggests it pays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I assume I will pay if I invite someone and assume I will cover my half invited.
Aren’t you a guilt-ladened people pleaser!
Or this person just has manners?
Anonymous
12/11/2023 22:40
Subject: Activities with friends: is it assumed that the person who suggests it pays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This happened to me once. We went on a dinner date with another husband and wife couple we were friends with and they asked us what place we recommended so we recommended a restaurant. When the bill came they said thank you so much for dinner. It was so awkward and I couldn't believe they both felt us paying was appropriate. We never went out with them again.
Wait, just to clarify, they asked you guys to grab dinner with them, and where you guys wanted to go? And then asked you to pay?!
Yes
I can't believe you didn't say something in the moment! You couldn't have just said "haha, good one, guys. Let's split it?"
It turned out that one of them had a learning disability. I think we asked them if they were going to split and they said they didn't understand that was the original plan. It was the second time it happened, and we just let it go and decided to just see them when we had a group meet up with the activity we originally met them at. I don't know if it was an act or not, but we quickly learned to talk about payment as part of planning all of our future social outings. Lesson learned.
So what if one of them had an LD or autism, the other one didn’t. And while constantly correcting rudeness and self-centerness is exhausting, the functional spouse knows not to dump the bill on you and run off.
Double yuck.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 21:25
Subject: Activities with friends: is it assumed that the person who suggests it pays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This happened to me once. We went on a dinner date with another husband and wife couple we were friends with and they asked us what place we recommended so we recommended a restaurant. When the bill came they said thank you so much for dinner. It was so awkward and I couldn't believe they both felt us paying was appropriate. We never went out with them again.
Wait, just to clarify, they asked you guys to grab dinner with them, and where you guys wanted to go? And then asked you to pay?!
Yes
I can't believe you didn't say something in the moment! You couldn't have just said "haha, good one, guys. Let's split it?"
It turned out that one of them had a learning disability. I think we asked them if they were going to split and they said they didn't understand that was the original plan. It was the second time it happened, and we just let it go and decided to just see them when we had a group meet up with the activity we originally met them at. I don't know if it was an act or not, but we quickly learned to talk about payment as part of planning all of our future social outings. Lesson learned.
What kind of learning disability is this?
Np, a guy I know is autistic and is always missing normal social cues. He’d make this mistake , not even realize anything was wrong and then not feel awkward in the least.
Yeah but can he LEARN?
Like if dinner after dinner friends and family tell him to pay a tip and not forget, does he make the effort to do so? does he have systems to remember and learn basic life $hit?
Because if you say no, he just keeps “forgetting” to pay, you’re being had.
One mistake shame on him, 2+ shame on you.
And yes I have aspies in my life.
Anonymous
12/11/2023 20:42
Subject: Re:Activities with friends: is it assumed that the person who suggests it pays?
I mean, OP are you 12? Reasonable people expect if a suggestion is made that the check will be split unless explicitly stated that it's a treat. Otherwise, how is anyone ever supposed to get together? Through osmosis?
Anonymous
12/11/2023 19:40
Subject: Activities with friends: is it assumed that the person who suggests it pays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No. It's not a date. Each person should expect to pay their own way unless otherwise stated by the organizer.
+1
You are an adult, OP - start taking responsibility, and stop thinking people owe you.
I'm sure someone else expected OP to pay, rather than OP expecting someone else to pay.
OP here back to say that you are correct - I'm the person who made the invite.
How did you word the invite?
With some friends we will take turns paying (though not in a literal every other time way).
Anonymous
12/11/2023 19:39
Subject: Activities with friends: is it assumed that the person who suggests it pays?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This happened to me once. We went on a dinner date with another husband and wife couple we were friends with and they asked us what place we recommended so we recommended a restaurant. When the bill came they said thank you so much for dinner. It was so awkward and I couldn't believe they both felt us paying was appropriate. We never went out with them again.
Wait, just to clarify, they asked you guys to grab dinner with them, and where you guys wanted to go? And then asked you to pay?!
Yes
I can't believe you didn't say something in the moment! You couldn't have just said "haha, good one, guys. Let's split it?"
It turned out that one of them had a learning disability. I think we asked them if they were going to split and they said they didn't understand that was the original plan. It was the second time it happened, and we just let it go and decided to just see them when we had a group meet up with the activity we originally met them at. I don't know if it was an act or not, but we quickly learned to talk about payment as part of planning all of our future social outings. Lesson learned.
What kind of learning disability is this?
Np, a guy I know is autistic and is always missing normal social cues. He’d make this mistake , not even realize anything was wrong and then not feel awkward in the least.