Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had a Brownie "moving up" ceremony that I missed because I was playing in a softball game. My husband went, my mother went, my son went but I still felt kind of guilty for not going because my daughter wanted me to go. I hated that Brownie stuff too . Normally I went to almost everything. She got over it though.

Maybe. Maybe not. She knows that a softball game was more important to you than as she was. Your child achieved something she was proud of and wanted to show off her achievement to the most important person in her life: her mother. Stop kidding yourself that she didn't miss you.

I had a similar parent who also thought I didn't care. I did.but I learned they didn't. I got really good at acting like it didn't matter.
As an adult I came to better understanding of their behavior a narcissist doing what a narcissist does

You're one of those people who has made her whole personality, "daughter of a narcissistic mom", aren't you?

Not only are you obligated to spend money on supervised activities to entertain your kids, you are also obligated to watch them do it

This is insane, people. If you are going to be with them, you don't need to pay for the supervised activity!

It's crazy to take "everyone gets a trophy for playing" culture and amp it up to "every mundane activity's self-congratulation is a Bar Mitzvah". Stop living vicariously through your children, and stop lashing out the mature adults around you who live well-balanced lives raising healthy independent children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had a Brownie "moving up" ceremony that I missed because I was playing in a softball game. My husband went, my mother went, my son went but I still felt kind of guilty for not going because my daughter wanted me to go. I hated that Brownie stuff too . Normally I went to almost everything. She got over it though.

Maybe. Maybe not. She knows that a softball game was more important to you than as she was. Your child achieved something she was proud of and wanted to show off her achievement to the most important person in her life: her mother. Stop kidding yourself that she didn't miss you.

I had a similar parent who also thought I didn't care. I did.but I learned they didn't. I got really good at acting like it didn't matter.
As an adult I came to better understanding of their behavior a narcissist doing what a narcissist does

You are the narcissist.

There are SO MANY little things that parents are invited to! The big things - both of us are there. At least one of us goes to everything else. I'm eternally grateful my husband can pick up some of that little stuff. I bust my tail taking are of gifts, donations, homework, studying, spirit days, cookie baking for teacher cookie day, etc. I feel zero guilt for missing some of those little things.

Of course it’s ok.

I used to be a working mom and felt so guilty about this type of thing. When you are working, it seems like a big deal to miss your kid’s holiday party. I think I went to every one. I could not make it to everything and felt awful and be upset at the school for having so many events in the middle of the day.

Now I have 3 kids. There was a time when I couldn’t volunteer because I had a baby/toddler. By second grade, not all parents come. I think they realize that it isn’t so important to help make snowflakes. By 6th grade, there are barely any volunteers at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had a Brownie "moving up" ceremony that I missed because I was playing in a softball game. My husband went, my mother went, my son went but I still felt kind of guilty for not going because my daughter wanted me to go. I hated that Brownie stuff too . Normally I went to almost everything. She got over it though.

Maybe. Maybe not. She knows that a softball game was more important to you than as she was. Your child achieved something she was proud of and wanted to show off her achievement to the most important person in her life: her mother. Stop kidding yourself that she didn't miss you.

I had a similar parent who also thought I didn't care. I did.but I learned they didn't. I got really good at acting like it didn't matter.
As an adult I came to better understanding of their behavior a narcissist doing what a narcissist does

Anonymous wrote:Feeling guilty after I stepped up my job from one that was FT WFH to one requiring 2-3 days in office (but more pay and promotion opportunity).

I used to attend all the school events but am now only able to attend half and DH attends the other half. Occasionally we both go.

I think you're good op

Brownie mom not so much.

Anonymous wrote:Parents can't always go, Often no parent can go. This proliferation of weekday school events (I don't mean field trips), is ridiculous when it comes with the expectation that parents will be there. Makes me even more mad when it's something promoted, invented by the parents - who can always go - SAH parents.

Bring it up to your school then because I can assure you that, at least in my kids elementary, it is the school and teachers asking for all of these events. I am advocating for less in the PTA. There is no reason to have a school-wide festival for fall and fall classroom parties. Especially when all of these events are parent donations, parent run, etc. Dont get my started on the monthly teachers lounge stock-a-thon.

Im one of 3 room parents for my kids K class and we have already done:
- a fall party
-pre thanksgiving party
-main teacher and assistant teacher birthday party
-winter party before holiday

school events
-parade
-fall festival
-winter festival
-grandparents day
-parents day
-12 days of winter
- canned food drive
- spirit week

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had a Brownie "moving up" ceremony that I missed because I was playing in a softball game. My husband went, my mother went, my son went but I still felt kind of guilty for not going because my daughter wanted me to go. I hated that Brownie stuff too . Normally I went to almost everything. She got over it though.

Maybe. Maybe not. She knows that a softball game was more important to you than as she was. Your child achieved something she was proud of and wanted to show off her achievement to the most important person in her life: her mother. Stop kidding yourself that she didn't miss you.

The daughter learned that she's a member of a family and not a princess doll. Good parenting.

No. She learned that her mother considered a meaningless game more important than her daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had a Brownie "moving up" ceremony that I missed because I was playing in a softball game. My husband went, my mother went, my son went but I still felt kind of guilty for not going because my daughter wanted me to go. I hated that Brownie stuff too . Normally I went to almost everything. She got over it though.

Maybe. Maybe not. She knows that a softball game was more important to you than as she was. Your child achieved something she was proud of and wanted to show off her achievement to the most important person in her life: her mother. Stop kidding yourself that she didn't miss you.

Oh please.

I work full time but I attend every event that my kids care about. I ask beforehand and some they care and others they don’t. I’m a lawyer and it can be challenging of course but my kids are my priority and they’re only little for a short time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had a Brownie "moving up" ceremony that I missed because I was playing in a softball game. My husband went, my mother went, my son went but I still felt kind of guilty for not going because my daughter wanted me to go. I hated that Brownie stuff too . Normally I went to almost everything. She got over it though.

Maybe. Maybe not. She knows that a softball game was more important to you than as she was. Your child achieved something she was proud of and wanted to show off her achievement to the most important person in her life: her mother. Stop kidding yourself that she didn't miss you.

The daughter learned that she's a member of a family and not a princess doll. Good parenting.

This. I’m not a huge fan of going to kids sporting events and my kids always joke about my lack of interest in their sports. I’m good with other stuff though.