Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s fair to make him pay it back unless you explicitly told him before writing the check that that’s what the deal would be. If you had, he may have made a different decision. It’s a sunk cost and your relationship with your kid is what’s important here.

If the reason for his quitting his burnout, then I agree with you. Of course, the fact that he has never complained about playing and up until yesterday loved the sport and his team is part of the mystery. If it was a knee-jerk reaction to something that needs to be resolved with his team, coach etc then I think having him work through that is important (as is possibly paying back the unusable fees). Life and your actions have consequences. I don't think asking him to repay the cost sinks our relationship - it sets a boundary and a level of responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the time I was 17, I also had lost the passion and drive that I had when I was early HS. Just let him enjoy what he has left of HS and living at home. Require him to fill extra hours with a job - that would be a non-starter for me. And he should have to contribute to some club fees if you owe for the Spring. I think that is a reasonable request.

And so not the same... but we pulled our younger kid out of high-level club this year. Best decision ever. She has had time to do other things. He will figure it out.

Thank you! What was weird in this case - is there didn't seem to have been a loss in passion for the sport. We are guessing something happened related to the specific team/coach that drove the decision. And to other's posts - even with HS and Travel soccer he has MORE THAN enough downtime - some of that is filled with a job - but his lounging around playing computer games and hanging with friends was never short-changed by his soccer playing. Academics was the thing he happily avoided (and is a nonstarter for us). We will allow him time to process this and get back to finding his passion but doing nothing is not an option. Hopefully when one door closes another is opened he works to finding a productive way to fill the gap.

Again, what haven't you asked him?!

OH MY - DO YOU THINK WE HAVEN'T????? Do you have a teenage son? IF you do have a teenage son you will know that they are excellent at shutting down and shutting up. We are giving him space to think things through, we are not demanding that he play. We never have demanded that he play. We have attempted to have multiple conversations with him - but also know that when he is ready to open up he will share and not before that. I came to this board because sometimes people have similar experiences and I was genuinely curious about what others might have experienced. At this point and until he shares we are at a loss to understand the why. Perhaps we don't need to know the why but as with all things in his life - when we know the why it helps to move forward and past things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By the time I was 17, I also had lost the passion and drive that I had when I was early HS. Just let him enjoy what he has left of HS and living at home. Require him to fill extra hours with a job - that would be a non-starter for me. And he should have to contribute to some club fees if you owe for the Spring. I think that is a reasonable request.

And so not the same... but we pulled our younger kid out of high-level club this year. Best decision ever. She has had time to do other things. He will figure it out.

Thank you! What was weird in this case - is there didn't seem to have been a loss in passion for the sport. We are guessing something happened related to the specific team/coach that drove the decision. And to other's posts - even with HS and Travel soccer he has MORE THAN enough downtime - some of that is filled with a job - but his lounging around playing computer games and hanging with friends was never short-changed by his soccer playing. Academics was the thing he happily avoided (and is a nonstarter for us). We will allow him time to process this and get back to finding his passion but doing nothing is not an option. Hopefully when one door closes another is opened he works to finding a productive way to fill the gap.

Again, what haven't you asked him?!

OH MY - DO YOU THINK WE HAVEN'T????? Do you have a teenage son? IF you do have a teenage son you will know that they are excellent at shutting down and shutting up. We are giving him space to think things through, we are not demanding that he play. We never have demanded that he play. We have attempted to have multiple conversations with him - but also know that when he is ready to open up he will share and not before that. I came to this board because sometimes people have similar experiences and I was genuinely curious about what others might have experienced. At this point and until he shares we are at a loss to understand the why. Perhaps we don't need to know the why but as with all things in his life - when we know the why it helps to move forward and past things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s fair to make him pay it back unless you explicitly told him before writing the check that that’s what the deal would be. If you had, he may have made a different decision. It’s a sunk cost and your relationship with your kid is what’s important here.

If the reason for his quitting his burnout, then I agree with you. Of course, the fact that he has never complained about playing and up until yesterday loved the sport and his team is part of the mystery. If it was a knee-jerk reaction to something that needs to be resolved with his team, coach etc then I think having him work through that is important (as is possibly paying back the unusable fees). Life and your actions have consequences. I don't think asking him to repay the cost sinks our relationship - it sets a boundary and a level of responsibility.

This is usually parent projection. Travel is not fun and is a total grind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: For us, it was the suddenness of the decision. He's a smart kid, but very unmotivated academically - he does better when he had a full schedule. He seems to think less soccer means, more sleeping in, more lounging around, and more time to hang with his friends. Lots to piece together and lots to do to ensure he keeps on a good trajectory academically.

That sounds amazing and very healthy for a teen. Why do you want to fill every waking moment of his schedule and/or punish him for just want to relax sometimes?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s fair to make him pay it back unless you explicitly told him before writing the check that that’s what the deal would be. If you had, he may have made a different decision. It’s a sunk cost and your relationship with your kid is what’s important here.

If the reason for his quitting his burnout, then I agree with you. Of course, the fact that he has never complained about playing and up until yesterday loved the sport and his team is part of the mystery. If it was a knee-jerk reaction to something that needs to be resolved with his team, coach etc then I think having him work through that is important (as is possibly paying back the unusable fees). Life and your actions have consequences. I don't think asking him to repay the cost sinks our relationship - it sets a boundary and a level of responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:OP Here: For us, it was the suddenness of the decision. He's a smart kid, but very unmotivated academically - he does better when he had a full schedule. He seems to think less soccer means, more sleeping in, more lounging around, and more time to hang with his friends. Lots to piece together and lots to do to ensure he keeps on a good trajectory academically.