Anonymous wrote:How rare or common do you think it is for adult children, 25 or older, to send Christmas wish lists to parents— when parents do not ask for lists?

No, not normal.

Maybe some help with grad school and their wedding. That’s it

My parents have asked for a birthday wish list every year. We don’t celebrate Christmas.

Maybe the parents give gifts that they don’t want or need so they’re trying to plant ideas.

Not normal unless the parents are terrible gift givers without a list.

My adult DD sends a list. It is very helpful because I don't have a lot of time to shop and she is picky so it cuts down on returns. DS doesn't send a list and usually would prefer cash. We are trying to do more trips/experiences rather than gifts, and so far they are more than willing to go on trips as a family, spouses included. This year it will be skiing in Europe.

Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking about this today. We spend about $200-$250 a kid. The oldest will graduate college this year. She still provides me with a list and I’m happy to shop from it. But at what point do you stop buying expensive gifts for Christmas? Is it college graduation, 25 or 30? Where does it end?

Never? I don’t plan to ever stop buying my kids Christmas presents. My mom has basically stopped buying me Christmas presents though make has dementia and i think forgets. She will come here then go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of gift cards. I’d rather get nothing.

My friend just invited me to her 3 year olds birthday party invitation and sent a wish list. I have never seen anything like it, but it might be a family culture thing.

I need to cut back on the gift giving. It’s hard to break with traditions but it makes sense as they age into adulthood.

I think I stopped making wish lists when I was 15 or 16.

My parents will ask me sometimes what I want for Christmas or my birthday still but I usually ask for something cheap.

Only if asked!

We've never done more than one present per person but my parents much prefer we tell them what we want that item to be, they insist and remind us until we tell them!

I’m 40 and my parents request, at this point, four lists (one for me, my husband, each of the kids). And my parents are divorced and both ask, so eight lists it is! It feels so indulgent, but also… yay Christmas presents? They go nuts and it’s all stuff we want/need.

That being said - I’m very careful to NEVER send before they ask. Even though this is a standard tradition, and often times I end up getting a call on like December 10th from one of them panicked saying “we haven’t gotten your lists yet!!!” and I have to say “you didn’t ask!” (But they’re always prepared so I can just send at that point) it just feels so tacky and ungrateful to assume.

I do think we’re outliers in this. But my parents love it and they have the money and it’s great!

I’ll also note my husband thought it was SO weird at first. Especially that we had to make two different lists for the two parents (“can’t we just send them the same list?” “No you’ll get a bunch of dupes!”). They also like LONG lists so there’s still an element of surprise, and he really resisted in taking the time to write them… until he woke up on Christmas to piles of presents of stuff he loved. He’s been converted for sure.

Anonymous wrote:How rare or common do you think it is for adult children, 25 or older, to send Christmas wish lists to parents— when parents do not ask for lists?

0%

We use an app where everyone can put items on their wishlist. Nobody is particularly needy and the items often include things that are less than $10 from Amazon.

It’s actually more helpful for the 20 something’s to buy something for the parents vs the reverse.

My son is 25 and has never given me a list. I will sometimes ask, “what would you like” I tried to teach him the joy is really in giving and not receiving
My boyfriend has 2 daughters, 21 and 24. Its August and they are already asking what they should do with their Christmas list (give one to mom and one to him? )
I am appalled and disgusted.. My son didn't finish college, but works hard, has a good job and supports himself. His daughters. One is a senior in college the other finished her AA and is trying to get into nursing school. They rarely have jobs. The 21 year just had her first part time summer job. The 24-year-old has been out of school for 2 years and has worked part-time but goes months without a job