She's probably running the show and for some reason does not want you included. This happens a lot.

Good for you for handling it well! You sound like a nice friend to have. I have to admit, I’d be a bit miffed if I found out there were 8 and I wasn’t chosen, but like others said, the expenses and time of being a groomsman do add up too.

OP - I called the groom today. I didn't bring it up but he actually then did bring this subject up at the end of the call. Basically what others have said here is that he wanted to go with some older friends, and people closer to home in Seattle. (He's actually going to have 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsman.) I'm glad to have the information. I'm also autistic so I have difficulty gauging people. In this case I do know he had asked me prior to the engagement, so that is why I was confused because I like to have a reason for things and certainty. But I let this one drop. His choice, his day. Thanks everyone for the help on this one.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are not involved and I’m sorry if that hurts you.

But, only because he mentioned it so recently, I would ask. “Congratulations on the engagement! Do you still want me to be a groomsman? I’m happy to do it if you want me to or I’m happy to be a guest, just let me know so I can plan properly. It’s all good, ether way.”

This would be something that I would so WANT to say but I would be too afraid to actually say it!

Men don’t care about this.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are not involved and I’m sorry if that hurts you.

But, only because he mentioned it so recently, I would ask. “Congratulations on the engagement! Do you still want me to be a groomsman? I’m happy to do it if you want me to or I’m happy to be a guest, just let me know so I can plan properly. It’s all good, ether way.”

Do not ask this

Anonymous wrote:I would not ask as others have suggested above. No reason you need to force him to have an awkward conversation like that. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out because everyone else in the party is in a HS group or college friend group, so it’s awkward to add one person who doesn’t know the rest. Or if he added you, he might have to add 2 others too, and then the numbers don’t match up, etc. hope you don’t feel offended! I left out bridesmaids who I felt really close to, because I only chose 6 from my college friend group.

Why would it be 2 others?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What man even WANTS to go to a wedding, least of all one where you have to fly to it? I hate that sh!t, I’m glad I’m past the age where friends are getting married.

Yes, men just want to rend flesh with their bare hands and smear their bodies with the blood of their kill.

That's what the groomsmen do at the bachelor party

Seriously how would we know?

Cool it with the sexist nonsense, commenters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but this truly reads like something a woman would write. I have three brothers and engagement and wedding stuff like this would not be on their radar screen. It would be on mine!

No kidding!

+1. Totally a woman. Men do not care about stuff like this. My son was in his cousin's wedding last month and didn't know for sure that he was in it until late August and did not have his tux until the day before the wedding. He loves his cousin but was completely disinterested in wedding talk. I asked him what the colors were (I didn't attend--my ex's side of the family), and he gave me a blank stare and made something up.

Most women don’t care about “colors” either. The issue here is that the person OP considers his best friend has told him he was a groomsman and now it appears he isn’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but this truly reads like something a woman would write. I have three brothers and engagement and wedding stuff like this would not be on their radar screen. It would be on mine!

No kidding!

+1. Totally a woman. Men do not care about stuff like this. My son was in his cousin's wedding last month and didn't know for sure that he was in it until late August and did not have his tux until the day before the wedding. He loves his cousin but was completely disinterested in wedding talk. I asked him what the colors were (I didn't attend--my ex's side of the family), and he gave me a blank stare and made something up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What man even WANTS to go to a wedding, least of all one where you have to fly to it? I hate that sh!t, I’m glad I’m past the age where friends are getting married.

Yes, men just want to rend flesh with their bare hands and smear their bodies with the blood of their kill.

Yes it’s true I will happily fly across country to shoot an elk with my buddies but to attend some lame-o wedding (which is an event only women care about) if I’m left out oh darn somehow I’ll manage to get over it.

Translation= Gay cabin orgy!!!!

Anonymous wrote:OP - Not invited yet. It's not until August of 2024 and I don't think they've sent that out yet. I'm at least confident on getting an invite to the wedding since it's a big one.

If they've been engaged for 5 months, set the date, and have a wedding website with bridal party featured, I think it's safe to conclude you are not a groomsman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What man even WANTS to go to a wedding, least of all one where you have to fly to it? I hate that sh!t, I’m glad I’m past the age where friends are getting married.

Yes, men just want to rend flesh with their bare hands and smear their bodies with the blood of their kill.

Yes it’s true I will happily fly across country to shoot an elk with my buddies but to attend some lame-o wedding (which is an event only women care about) if I’m left out oh darn somehow I’ll manage to get over it.