Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is her leave. She is entitled to take it.

You don't understand how sick time normally works. Companies offer employees sick time because they don't want sick employees coming to work to make everyone else sick. They normally expect employees to take fewer sick days than are offered. If a company offers, say, twenty sick days per year, it would (and should) be highly unusual for an employee to actually take all of that time, because few people are actually sick that much. Having X number of sick days does not equal entitlement to take X number of paid days off to do whatever. This is distinct from vacation time, which does convey entitlement to use that time as desired. That is why companies make that distinction.

Nobody offers 20 days of sick time.

Mine accrue. I have 83.

Anonymous wrote:

It is her leave. She is entitled to take it.

You don't understand how sick time normally works. Companies offer employees sick time because they don't want sick employees coming to work to make everyone else sick. They normally expect employees to take fewer sick days than are offered. If a company offers, say, twenty sick days per year, it would (and should) be highly unusual for an employee to actually take all of that time, because few people are actually sick that much. Having X number of sick days does not equal entitlement to take X number of paid days off to do whatever. This is distinct from vacation time, which does convey entitlement to use that time as desired. That is why companies make that distinction.

Nobody offers 20 days of sick time.

I have a yelling boss too OP. When he yells at me, I just calmly say “please don’t yell at me”, but it took me years to learn how to emotional detach enough to do that, so I know it’s easier said than done.

I also make bingo cards for mandatory awful events: holidays with my stepsiblings, weddings, conferences, etc. It’s funny, but it also gets you into the mindset that X will happen, so it’s not a surprise when it happens. In my head, X becomes as predictable as the sun rising, and I can just acknowledge it and move on.

And take solace in the fact that you really probably only have two more weeks with the whole gang. Lots of people will be out in the second half of this week. Lots of people will be out the last two weeks of the year. And then you are out! Organize any files or work samples you want to take with you. Clean out your inbox, hard drive, and shared drives. Go into a big workbook and adjust the print settings for each individual sheet so that they are all different.

Advice for the future: RTO is a divisive issue. So are working moms (still…). Don’t bring those things into your narrative because some will use it to discredit you and be unhelpful. Your narrative is your boss is abusive, and you plan to leave, but you need to survive until you hit financial milestones in January. Your question is “how do you survive in a crappy workplace when you know you only have a month left?”.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned that you do not have a different job yet. Are you financially ok to go without your salary? Also maybe give them notice and they will start leaving you alone.

Op here. I don’t have another job lined up yet. It’s far from ideal but I just can’t stay in my job. Making it to Jan 2nd is the best I can do at this point.

When I give notice, I am expecting I might get walked out. I’ll give 2 weeks notice but I don’t think they’ll take me up on it.

It’s weird, I know I’ll be hard to replace and they’ve lost 5 people (on a team of 13-14) in the last couple of months. If they are wondering why everyone is quitting, they aren’t letting on. Morale is super low. But they don’t care. They are trying desperately to hire and can’t find people to replace the 5 that left so the whole team is overworked and grouchy.

It is her leave. She is entitled to take it.

You don't understand how sick time normally works. Companies offer employees sick time because they don't want sick employees coming to work to make everyone else sick. They normally expect employees to take fewer sick days than are offered. If a company offers, say, twenty sick days per year, it would (and should) be highly unusual for an employee to actually take all of that time, because few people are actually sick that much. Having X number of sick days does not equal entitlement to take X number of paid days off to do whatever. This is distinct from vacation time, which does convey entitlement to use that time as desired. That is why companies make that distinction.

Anonymous wrote:The holiday lunch is something you should get through. They will likely be a little salty when you give your notice if they really are “snakes,” and this way you can preserve as much good feeling as you can by fully participating at work now, and you’ll be able to make the case later that “during the holidays, I did a lot of thinking, and I made this decision after giving it really careful thought.” Hard to argue with that.

Op here. You are right. They will look back when I resign and conclude I had planned it.

I don’t mind fully participating at my work, as in, producing my deliverables (I’m an individual contributor), but I am really struggling to participate in the social aspects of my office.

The holiday party is a 4 hour formal sit down lunch, with no alcohol and no spouses. Our team is about 10 people and we will all be seated at a table together. So it’s not like I can just make an appearance and then dip out or even mingle or step away for a bit here and there.

Anonymous wrote:Start yelling back. Bullies need to be told to shut the F up.

Op here. I truly wish I could do this. And I would, except that I’m perpetually in a state of freeze/panic when my boss is around and my mind is completely blank. It’s hard for me to even think straight when he’s not yelling because I’m so worried that he might start yelling or attacking me.

A couple months ago, I did get up and walk out of my office when he was screaming at me and I went to my car and drove home. It was after 4, anyway. He reported me to his boss and I was reprimanded and things have been bad for me ever since.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Leave is an entitlement-whether someone is sick or having a mental health situation or something else-what difference does it make?

Well, obviously, it depends upon your organization's policies, but everywhere that I have worked had the policy that sick time is for when you or a child is actually sick. Not for "mental health" and not for "something else."

Taking sick time without actually being sick (unless your organization allows it) is fraud.

Why would you not take a vacation day instead?

Your use of “mental health” in sarcastic quotes is why you’re part of the problem.

It is her leave. She is entitled to take it. If you can’t tell her what to do with the money she earns at the job, you can’t tell her what to do with the leave she earns either.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Create a bingo card with the ridiculous things that usually happen. "Larla reminds me 3x about X", "Larlo makes snide comment", "Marla finds way to pat self on back", etc. Come up with some prizes if you get bingo, and if you cover the board!

Definitely go to the holiday lunch. Be as present as you can. See how fake and quickly you can get out of conversations. Turn everything into a game.

I agree with this. Mental BINGO gets me through holidays with my crazy MIL too. I have a row for "standard questions she asks me but doesn't listen to the answers" and "makes a mean comment to or about someone present" and then "gets angry about politics" and "act self righteous" are other categories. I usually hit BINGO within the first hour.

Anonymous wrote:

Leave is an entitlement-whether someone is sick or having a mental health situation or something else-what difference does it make?

Well, obviously, it depends upon your organization's policies, but everywhere that I have worked had the policy that sick time is for when you or a child is actually sick. Not for "mental health" and not for "something else."

Taking sick time without actually being sick (unless your organization allows it) is fraud.

Why would you not take a vacation day instead?

Your use of “mental health” in sarcastic quotes is why you’re part of the problem.

It is her leave. She is entitled to take it. If you can’t tell her what to do with the money she earns at the job, you can’t tell her what to do with the leave she earns either.

Anonymous wrote:

Leave is an entitlement-whether someone is sick or having a mental health situation or something else-what difference does it make?

Well, obviously, it depends upon your organization's policies, but everywhere that I have worked had the policy that sick time is for when you or a child is actually sick. Not for "mental health" and not for "something else."

Taking sick time without actually being sick (unless your organization allows it) is fraud.

Why would you not take a vacation day instead?

Op here. Because it is mandatory and no one is allowed to take leave that day.

I’ve got such bad anxiety though that I have severe diarrhea. I’m sure I’ll be spending the morning on the toilet the day of the party. Is that a good enough reason to take sick time?

Anonymous wrote:Create a bingo card with the ridiculous things that usually happen. "Larla reminds me 3x about X", "Larlo makes snide comment", "Marla finds way to pat self on back", etc. Come up with some prizes if you get bingo, and if you cover the board!

Definitely go to the holiday lunch. Be as present as you can. See how fake and quickly you can get out of conversations. Turn everything into a game.

Op here. Oh this is so brilliant. Thank you!! I’m putting together my bingo card now!

Leave is an entitlement-whether someone is sick or having a mental health situation or something else-what difference does it make?

Well, obviously, it depends upon your organization's policies, but everywhere that I have worked had the policy that sick time is for when you or a child is actually sick. Not for "mental health" and not for "something else."

Taking sick time without actually being sick (unless your organization allows it) is fraud.

Why would you not take a vacation day instead?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve got to be kidding me. If you can’t make it from now until January 5 you’re the biggest baby on the planet.

She just had a baby and they won’t let her work remote. She has a way better and cuter friend now. Leave her alone

She had a baby a YEAR ago. She is the perfect example of what’s wrong with remote jobs. She’s expected to work, not get paid to stay home with her baby.

Op here. I had a nanny from when DC was 6 weeks old. I never took care of my baby while working-not once. It’s against policy, but also, my job is intellectually demanding and there’s no way I could do it while caring for a baby.

That said, my baby has a lot of doc appointments due to some health issues and I’m also pumping. It is possible, but a much bigger PITA, to do these things now that we can’t work remotely.

5 years for retirement to vest def sounds like government.

You just gotta grind OP. This will be in the rear view soon. Are there things you can look forward to each week?