Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single, early turning into mid 40s, obviously never going to have a spouse/kid by this point, pretty much given up on dating. Lived/worked overseas for a long time and moved back just before COVID, and never really managed to make friends outside work. Father has Parkinsons and is declining, mother is also aging. I spend much of my free time helping them out, which means I have no real life outside work and my parents. Which in turn means once they are no longer around, there's not really going to be anyone important in my life save a nephew as my sibling and I do not and have never gotten along.

Career is going extremely well. Otherwise future is going to be a comfortable but likely very quiet life with no real friends and the occasional visit from nephew. But I don't have the personality that thinks in terms of fighting personal battles. I just get on with it. Then eventually I'll die and will be forgotten.

To you, and 21:05, assuming you are both women: I am a recently divorced guy 10-11-12 years older than you, with launched kids in their 30’s and grandchildren. I met a woman who fits your (similar) life paths to a T, and we really clicked. I’m very comfortably retired, constantly enjoying the outdoors with my dogs or hiking/biking, helping a lot with an aged parent, but bored and having a huge antipathy to the apps. Due to being married, I haven’t dated in many decades.

But I get a sense that neither I nor the woman I met would want put up with another person’s chronic intrusion into our “places of one’s own,” particularly not wanting our sleep disturbed, bathrooms entered, kitchens disrupted, etc.

Can either of you relate to this, wanting a honey/sweetheart/lover/partner, but wishing it could happen with a lot of intensity while somehow not taking over our space/s?

And how do you feel about being involved with someone who has no children to raise, but who has a bunch of family that you would have the “privilege” of getting to know very well?

Also, would it bug you to be a hard-working woman involved with a retired man?

All my questions are reflective of the personal “battle” I’m currently fighting.

I'm one of the posters you responded to. When I allow myself the luxury of thinking about the ideal relationship for a middle aged person, it is something you described. I am quite used to having my own independence and space and control over much of my decision-making and having to learn how to give up some of that and share more of my personal space with someone else would definitely be a learning curve. I'm not opposed to it if that should ever come up, but given that there will be no desire or rush into having children, I also do like the idea of two grown adults who spend a lot of time with each other and are in a relationship, while still maintaining separate residences and separate private spaces. I work but if I was dating someone retired, I could see it becoming a relationship where we spend weekends and holidays with each other and travel with each other, but during the week I'm focused on my job and enjoy the peace of sleeping in my own bed after a long day working. I wouldn't feel the need to do everything together. I also wouldn't be upset or feel left out if hypothetical partner wanted to go off for a weekend golfing or cycling with old friends, likewise I'd expect partner wouldn't mind my doing something similar with an old friend overseas.

It seems like you may have a good thing going and I'd just go with the flow and you can always have little conversations here and there about expectations should you feel it needs to come up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am deeply, mutually in love and feel I have found my person. He feels the same. But he has a young child, and I’d never imagined that I would be with someone with a kid. Taking on the role of stepparent and having his ex be part of his/our life forever seems like too much for me to take on. Keeping his life with me and his life as a parent separate as we have been is starting to weigh heavily and it’s getting close to the time where I need to jump in or jump ship. Every day I agonize over whether I should walk away from the love of my life and break both our hearts (but set him free), or accept the life I must have to be with him. Some days I think it would be crazy to walk away and lose so much happiness, and some days I think it would be crazy to stay and risk so much unhappiness. It feels like the true pivotal moment of my life and I don’t know what to do.

PP you aren’t in love. You are fond of aspects of this person. Parenthood is a part of who someone is. If you can’t embrace that you should leave.

I agree with this take on the situation. You need to be selfless sometimes and you're not.

PMDD and perimenopause. Every month is a battle to do basic life things.

Anonymous wrote:I am deeply, mutually in love and feel I have found my person. He feels the same. But he has a young child, and I’d never imagined that I would be with someone with a kid. Taking on the role of stepparent and having his ex be part of his/our life forever seems like too much for me to take on. Keeping his life with me and his life as a parent separate as we have been is starting to weigh heavily and it’s getting close to the time where I need to jump in or jump ship. Every day I agonize over whether I should walk away from the love of my life and break both our hearts (but set him free), or accept the life I must have to be with him. Some days I think it would be crazy to walk away and lose so much happiness, and some days I think it would be crazy to stay and risk so much unhappiness. It feels like the true pivotal moment of my life and I don’t know what to do.

PP you aren’t in love. You are fond of aspects of this person. Parenthood is a part of who someone is. If you can’t embrace that you should leave.

Anonymous wrote:Admitted I was an alcoholic started going to AA and I've been sober for two weeks. Terrified of relapsing.

. Well done, PP. it is hard and scary, but you are being brave and strong and it is a true gift to yourself and your love ones. One day at a time. You can do this! Even if you falter, you know you can start again. Keep going; you deserve sobriety.

Admitted I was an alcoholic started going to AA and I've been sober for two weeks. Terrified of relapsing.

Anonymous wrote:Single, early turning into mid 40s, obviously never going to have a spouse/kid by this point, pretty much given up on dating. Lived/worked overseas for a long time and moved back just before COVID, and never really managed to make friends outside work. Father has Parkinsons and is declining, mother is also aging. I spend much of my free time helping them out, which means I have no real life outside work and my parents. Which in turn means once they are no longer around, there's not really going to be anyone important in my life save a nephew as my sibling and I do not and have never gotten along.

Career is going extremely well. Otherwise future is going to be a comfortable but likely very quiet life with no real friends and the occasional visit from nephew. But I don't have the personality that thinks in terms of fighting personal battles. I just get on with it. Then eventually I'll die and will be forgotten.

To you, and 21:05, assuming you are both women: I am a recently divorced guy 10-11-12 years older than you, with launched kids in their 30’s and grandchildren. I met a woman who fits your (similar) life paths to a T, and we really clicked. I’m very comfortably retired, constantly enjoying the outdoors with my dogs or hiking/biking, helping a lot with an aged parent, but bored and having a huge antipathy to the apps. Due to being married, I haven’t dated in many decades.

But I get a sense that neither I nor the woman I met would want put up with another person’s chronic intrusion into our “places of one’s own,” particularly not wanting our sleep disturbed, bathrooms entered, kitchens disrupted, etc.

Can either of you relate to this, wanting a honey/sweetheart/lover/partner, but wishing it could happen with a lot of intensity while somehow not taking over our space/s?

And how do you feel about being involved with someone who has no children to raise, but who has a bunch of family that you would have the “privilege” of getting to know very well?

Also, would it bug you to be a hard-working woman involved with a retired man?

All my questions are reflective of the personal “battle” I’m currently fighting.

Anonymous wrote:Had miracle identical twins after 3 losses and was so, so happy. I felt like I was living my dream. Then the delays started to manifest and they just stopped progressing in their development, and they were diagnosed w profound autism. I am crushed.

I have a younger sibling with profound autism. Sending you love and patience

Anonymous wrote:Teen child diagnosed with epilepsy. Shocked since we did everything to keep her healthy (organic foods, exercise, etc). She also has high anxiety and her best friend has turned on her. She is suffering so much and it is impacting me. I also have high anxiety, therapy is not helping. Marriage isn’t so great. It’s so hard to be thankful.

If only organic food guaranteed anything!
I am sorry PP. I wish your DD health and all the best.

Anonymous wrote:PP again. Wanted to add that this situation is surfacing a ton of grief over my mom, who died when I was 8. I find myself for the first time, in my 30s, specifically and desperately wishing I could talk to her about it and ask what she would do. I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about it.

If you are in your 30s, be with this man and have kids of your own together. If you were in your 20s my advice would be different.
It will help you understand how to care for his child as well.

Anonymous wrote:I am deeply, mutually in love and feel I have found my person. He feels the same. But he has a young child, and I’d never imagined that I would be with someone with a kid. Taking on the role of stepparent and having his ex be part of his/our life forever seems like too much for me to take on. Keeping his life with me and his life as a parent separate as we have been is starting to weigh heavily and it’s getting close to the time where I need to jump in or jump ship. Every day I agonize over whether I should walk away from the love of my life and break both our hearts (but set him free), or accept the life I must have to be with him. Some days I think it would be crazy to walk away and lose so much happiness, and some days I think it would be crazy to stay and risk so much unhappiness. It feels like the true pivotal moment of my life and I don’t know what to do.

That sounds like a very tough decision to make

PP again. Wanted to add that this situation is surfacing a ton of grief over my mom, who died when I was 8. I find myself for the first time, in my 30s, specifically and desperately wishing I could talk to her about it and ask what she would do. I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about it.

I am deeply, mutually in love and feel I have found my person. He feels the same. But he has a young child, and I’d never imagined that I would be with someone with a kid. Taking on the role of stepparent and having his ex be part of his/our life forever seems like too much for me to take on. Keeping his life with me and his life as a parent separate as we have been is starting to weigh heavily and it’s getting close to the time where I need to jump in or jump ship. Every day I agonize over whether I should walk away from the love of my life and break both our hearts (but set him free), or accept the life I must have to be with him. Some days I think it would be crazy to walk away and lose so much happiness, and some days I think it would be crazy to stay and risk so much unhappiness. It feels like the true pivotal moment of my life and I don’t know what to do.

Several years ago became chronically ill/disabled. Have gone through hell physically. My husband started treating me terribly when my health issues emerged, but I lost a lot of my ability to work, so I’m financially dependent on him. Am very traumatized by what I’ve gone though physically but also emotionally, dealing with husband, the work world, and the medical system. Was not able to have kids because of my health, which has been so painful. Feel extremely isolated from my peers since our lives have diverged and also my health issues limit some of my ability to socialize.

I can still work somewhat (though less than half time), and I’m grateful for every hour I can work. I met with a divorce lawyer today, which gave me the first taste of empowerment I’ve had in a while, but leaving is still very risky financially. It might not be possible. Please send good vibes if you’re able.

Anonymous wrote:My adult sister has mental illness and continues to think I am evil and doing voodoo on her. She continues to say the meds caused her to be like this. The whole family is dysfunctional because of her. Everyone is avoiding her. I'm the only person who wants to talk to her but can't because she thinks I'm evil. My mom is so disappointed and sad over all the dysfunction. No one even wants to talk to my mom.
I have some gastro issues. I'need a colonoscopy.
I need dental work done. My vitamin D level is so low that I have a prescription for 50,000 IU. Is that even safe?!
My DH and I are bored. No one ever wants to initiate any outings with us. We used to have friends!
I am being overlooked at work while everyone is promoted.i dedicated many years of my adult life with them.
Alot of problems. But, the good thing is I usually wake up on the good side refreshed.

I was on the 50,000 IU of vitamin D regimen before. Totally safe, and I felt like a new person when my vitamin D levels were up. I had so much more energy!