Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Wow. Are you 12?

And actually, the “cheap” people here are the ones trying to get OP to subsidize what THEY chose to eat and drink.

Wow. Are you easily triggered?
Don't go out with them if you can't afford it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

OP here - but I think the problem with me getting my drink at the bar is that it won't be obvious that I've already paid if that makes sense. I think I need to do the transaction at the table so others can see "oh she already paid". Right?

The danger with this is that Little Miss Olivia Organizer knew full well that you offered to pay $15 as you were leaving last time, but still invoiced you later for $40.

How do you know that she won’t still include you in a split invoice later???

So what if she does? OP can say she had a separate tab and paid it before she left. Organizer can send invoices to whoever she wants, but OP is under no obligation to pay anything if she paid for all her own food and drink already.

Also, I’m in one group where it evens out over time, as we generally spend about the same. We just split.

In another, I try to be more aware. There’s a vegetarian and another person who doesn’t drink. If we just split all the time, the same two people would always get screwed. That’s not fair and whether I can afford it or not, I wouldn’t want to take advantage of my friends like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM unanimous! hardly ever happens!

Just pay get your own tab and pay for yours before you leave. If anybody has a problem with this, I wouldn't care.

I also wouldn't have paid the original $40 request. I would say I had one drink, here's my $15.

+1

Here is your dissenting voice. I don't hang out with people like you. I am grown and so are my friends. If you are still crying over a $15 drink and not paying for others, I have no time for you. That's ridiculous. I pick up the tab all the time. I don't care. It's not that big of a deal. If I can only afford to buy my drink, I don't go out.

I'm surprised that people still invite you.

Agreed. This just isn’t an issue in my circles.

"If you can't afford more than one drink, you should sit home and hide your head in shame."

"this just isn't an issue in my [wealthy] circles."

? Mostly fed attorneys, non-profit types, and admin staff. Not wealthy but some disposable income. We don’t go to places where the lowest paid among us can’t afford to partake equally with us. That would be incredibly rude and poor friendship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM unanimous! hardly ever happens!

Just pay get your own tab and pay for yours before you leave. If anybody has a problem with this, I wouldn't care.

I also wouldn't have paid the original $40 request. I would say I had one drink, here's my $15.

+1

Here is your dissenting voice. I don't hang out with people like you. I am grown and so are my friends. If you are still crying over a $15 drink and not paying for others, I have no time for you. That's ridiculous. I pick up the tab all the time. I don't care. It's not that big of a deal. If I can only afford to buy my drink, I don't go out.

I'm surprised that people still invite you.

I was wondering when the moocher would show up.

Yep—there’s always one!

But to be fair, I can understand this viewpoint if everyone had drinks and dinner—but OP wanted to pay separately bc she opted for the cheaper chicken Caesar salad and a glass of wine while her friend had Chilean sea bass and a cosmopolitan. Or refusing to chip in for the appetizer crab dip that was ordered “for the table” because you didn’t really feel like having any. That’s kind of nickel and diming the situation.

When everyone is having dinner and drinks, you just divide the bill by the number of guests and everyone ante’s up! (That is—assuming you’re over the age of like 25!)
Sometimes this means paying $10-12 more than if the bill had been separate.

But in OP’s scenario, she’s not even really part of the outing. This is what I call a “drive-by drink” with the group. She just stopped in for a glass and then leaves.

It wouldn’t bother me if OP just paid for her own drink in this scenario because she wasn’t even there for the rest!

But I don’t think I’d keep inviting her if she did the drive by twice in a row. Because she is signaling she doesn’t really want to be there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

OP here - but I think the problem with me getting my drink at the bar is that it won't be obvious that I've already paid if that makes sense. I think I need to do the transaction at the table so others can see "oh she already paid". Right?

The danger with this is that Little Miss Olivia Organizer knew full well that you offered to pay $15 as you were leaving last time, but still invoiced you later for $40.

How do you know that she won’t still include you in a split invoice later???

So what if she does? OP can say she had a separate tab and paid it before she left. Organizer can send invoices to whoever she wants, but OP is under no obligation to pay anything if she paid for all her own food and drink already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

OP here - but I think the problem with me getting my drink at the bar is that it won't be obvious that I've already paid if that makes sense. I think I need to do the transaction at the table so others can see "oh she already paid". Right?

The danger with this is that Little Miss Olivia Organizer knew full well that you offered to pay $15 as you were leaving last time, but still invoiced you later for $40.

How do you know that she won’t still include you in a split invoice later???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM unanimous! hardly ever happens!

Just pay get your own tab and pay for yours before you leave. If anybody has a problem with this, I wouldn't care.

I also wouldn't have paid the original $40 request. I would say I had one drink, here's my $15.

+1

Here is your dissenting voice. I don't hang out with people like you. I am grown and so are my friends. If you are still crying over a $15 drink and not paying for others, I have no time for you. That's ridiculous. I pick up the tab all the time. I don't care. It's not that big of a deal. If I can only afford to buy my drink, I don't go out.

I'm surprised that people still invite you.

Agreed. This just isn’t an issue in my circles.

"If you can't afford more than one drink, you should sit home and hide your head in shame."

"this just isn't an issue in my [wealthy] circles."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM unanimous! hardly ever happens!

Just pay get your own tab and pay for yours before you leave. If anybody has a problem with this, I wouldn't care.

I also wouldn't have paid the original $40 request. I would say I had one drink, here's my $15.

+1

Here is your dissenting voice. I don't hang out with people like you. I am grown and so are my friends. If you are still crying over a $15 drink and not paying for others, I have no time for you. That's ridiculous. I pick up the tab all the time. I don't care. It's not that big of a deal. If I can only afford to buy my drink, I don't go out.

I'm surprised that people still invite you.

Agreed. This just isn’t an issue in my circles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question will probably get me some negative comments but I'm okay with it because I truly want to know the correct etiquette for this scenario.

I'm heading out for happy hour tonight with a group of 7 friends, all are women. I am a lightweight, one and done and I like to get out of there early because I have two small children at home. The others in the group have more like 3-4 drinks, and linger for a while. No judgement there just trying to provide detail for my question. The last time we got together I had one drink (no food), and and left early. The rest of the group as I mentioned lingered for another hour or so, had appetizers + more drinks. As I was leaving I offered to pay the organizer of the group for my (1) drink + tip ($15), she said not to worry she would just get it from me later via Venmo. The next day I get a text from her that I owed her $40. I was a little surprised but didn't say anything as I didn't want to seem cheap or ungenerous. That said this really bothered me afterwards as clearly I had paid for a portion of everyone else's drinks and appetizers for the entire evening while I was home with my kids, and they were still at happy hour. My question is how do I handle this tonight. Do I insist on paying my portion before I leave, or let it go and just expect another $40 venmo request.

Go ahead, flame away I can take it.

I can't read your post cause it's just too long. I have been burned by someone wanting to split the check before. I start before we order by asking the wait staff for separate checks. There is no logical reason why checks can't be split, even if there are 25 of us. If not, I want no parts of it. Think what you want. Anything other than this stresses me out.

Tell me you’ve never waited tables without telling me you’ve never waited tables….the logical reason is that this is a horrible thing to do to your poor server.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Oh here's the DB who orders a ton of drinks and doesn't want to pay their own bill. Who's the cheap one? It's you. Pay for your own food and drink, why is it cheap of that other person to not want to fund your addiction?

Meh, NP and I tend to agree (and I’m not cheap! I’m the one who usually just picks up the check to avoid discomfort for the party and trouble for the server when I sense this kind of situation is brewing, and I like treating my friends when I can)

Like, I get that OP and everyone is well within their right to order a Diet Coke and a salad and pay only for that. I’m not going to talk crap or anything or insist you cough up more money. But causing complications at the end of the evening is a buzzkill and makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s gauche to me. Maybe it’s just that I come from a family/culture where it’s not polite to talk about money like this and people perform ridiculous stunts fighting to pick up the check. It’s also strange and frankly somewhat rude to sip water or a soda when everyone else came to have drinks and apps. If I wasn’t going to partake in a social event involving food and drinks like happy hour or couldn’t afford it I would decline the invitation, and if for some reason I ended up not eating or drinking much like OP I wouldn’t balk at paying more than my share. It’s just part of being out with friends. This seems to be a very unpopular opinion though.

In any case, the best way to handle this is ahead of time; either let the server know you’ll be on a separate check or pay for your drinks at the bar. Or stop caring what people think of you and decline the venmo request and send only what you owe. Throwing down just enough cash or venmoing the host doesn’t work if everyone else decided to split it, and then everyone will be annoyed at you for causing a headache.

Anonymous wrote:This question will probably get me some negative comments but I'm okay with it because I truly want to know the correct etiquette for this scenario.

I'm heading out for happy hour tonight with a group of 7 friends, all are women. I am a lightweight, one and done and I like to get out of there early because I have two small children at home. The others in the group have more like 3-4 drinks, and linger for a while. No judgement there just trying to provide detail for my question. The last time we got together I had one drink (no food), and and left early. The rest of the group as I mentioned lingered for another hour or so, had appetizers + more drinks. As I was leaving I offered to pay the organizer of the group for my (1) drink + tip ($15), she said not to worry she would just get it from me later via Venmo. The next day I get a text from her that I owed her $40. I was a little surprised but didn't say anything as I didn't want to seem cheap or ungenerous. That said this really bothered me afterwards as clearly I had paid for a portion of everyone else's drinks and appetizers for the entire evening while I was home with my kids, and they were still at happy hour. My question is how do I handle this tonight. Do I insist on paying my portion before I leave, or let it go and just expect another $40 venmo request.

Go ahead, flame away I can take it.

I can't read your post cause it's just too long. I have been burned by someone wanting to split the check before. I start before we order by asking the wait staff for separate checks. There is no logical reason why checks can't be split, even if there are 25 of us. If not, I want no parts of it. Think what you want. Anything other than this stresses me out.

It's only the drunks who want free booze that are having a problem saying it's cheap. No one should have to pay for anyone else's liver poison.

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Wow. Are you 12?

And actually, the “cheap” people here are the ones trying to get OP to subsidize what THEY chose to eat and drink.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM unanimous! hardly ever happens!

Just pay get your own tab and pay for yours before you leave. If anybody has a problem with this, I wouldn't care.

I also wouldn't have paid the original $40 request. I would say I had one drink, here's my $15.

+1

Here is your dissenting voice. I don't hang out with people like you. I am grown and so are my friends. If you are still crying over a $15 drink and not paying for others, I have no time for you. That's ridiculous. I pick up the tab all the time. I don't care. It's not that big of a deal. If I can only afford to buy my drink, I don't go out.

I'm surprised that people still invite you.

I was wondering when the moocher would show up.

“I had a separate bill. I paid at the bar.” Come on, folks. It’s not hard.