Anonymous wrote:Drop this - Bedtime: 10:30pm

Drop the wake up time - Wake up: 7am.

Keep this - Be on time to school. He drives.

Would try to keep this (it can be more about not courtesy and safety than being an adult) - Curfue: 12am Friday and Saturday only. 1am if it's a special event.

Drop this - Electronic usage: unlimited but electronics off at 10pm. Phone stays in the kitchen.

Keep this - Chores: Room tidy, trash out, feed/walk the dog after school.

ITA.

OP your rules are insane. My 14yo doesn't even have these rules.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think an 18 year old needs to keep their phone in the kitchen at night time, wow.

He should also be able to choose his own bedtime at this point. Assuming he can get up for school and not be late, he needs to figure out bedtime on his own. Holy cow.

If these 2 things were eliminated, I bet he would feel a lot more empowered and not complain so much about other rules in place that actually matter.

DH and I are grown adults and we keep our phones in the kitchen at night. We all just leave them in the kitchen when we go to bed.

I can’t believe and adult would encourage an 18yo to keep a phone in his bedroom, wow.

NP. Guess where college kids keep their phones.

wow.

Right? PP can encourage her kid to keep his phone in the dorm common room each night when he's in college. See how long that lasts before it's stolen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a bedtime an 18 year old is certainly peculiar. But, ‘you do you.’

Yeah, a bedtime for an 18 year old is crazy. Natural consequences. Stay up too late you're tired the next day.

I can’t understand the level of control some mothers want over their kids (18!). I have sympathy for OP’s son. I know I would have been deeply unhappy if my parents set so many rules at that age.

Some kids don't self-regulate very well and need a bed time enforcer, even as high schoolers.

Why is self regulation the only skill where we decide that a kid who struggles needs less practice instead of more?

my kid is 17y (a few months from being 18y)

Hasn't had a bedtime since 16y. He needs to manage his sleep. I don't care when he wakes, but needs to be out the door by 7:45 to drive to school.

I don't monitor electronics (either usage or content.)

Typically needs to be home by 10ish on the weekends and we negotiate the weekends (11ish usually) since he needs to be off the roads by 12.

He is involved in a sport that does through HS and club so he is at practice 5-6 nights/week, grades are decent (could be better), and has a long time girlfriend (18 months) whose parents are super strict so they don't see each other too often outside of school.

He helps around the house as needed/asked.

I am letting him practice managing himself while still having some guardrails while at home. He is going to college next year.

Anonymous wrote:This is why I refuse to have an 18 year old senior.

How are you going to prevent it? If OP’a kid just turned 18 they weren’t redshirted.

Anonymous wrote:This is why I refuse to have an 18 year old senior.

How do you “refuse” to have an 18 year old senior? Mine turns 18 in December. How precisely was I to avoid this? Try to send them early to K when they didn’t meet the cut off?

Anonymous wrote:Drop this - Bedtime: 10:30pm

Drop the wake up time - Wake up: 7am.

Keep this - Be on time to school. He drives.

Would try to keep this (it can be more about not courtesy and safety than being an adult) - Curfue: 12am Friday and Saturday only. 1am if it's a special event.

Drop this - Electronic usage: unlimited but electronics off at 10pm. Phone stays in the kitchen.

Keep this - Chores: Room tidy, trash out, feed/walk the dog after school.

This is exactly how I come down on these too and for same reason on curfew.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a bedtime an 18 year old is certainly peculiar. But, ‘you do you.’

Yeah, a bedtime for an 18 year old is crazy. Natural consequences. Stay up too late you're tired the next day.

I can’t understand the level of control some mothers want over their kids (18!). I have sympathy for OP’s son. I know I would have been deeply unhappy if my parents set so many rules at that age.

Some kids don't self-regulate very well and need a bed time enforcer, even as high schoolers.

How often do you give your kid opportunities to self regulate? When they mess up, do you give them additional opportunities, and allow them to deal with the consequences? If an 18 year has unusual special needs and cannot regulate then that’s one thing. But if he is capable enough to drive a moving vehicle, he should be old enough to choose a bedtime and keep a phone where he pleases.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a bedtime an 18 year old is certainly peculiar. But, ‘you do you.’

Yeah, a bedtime for an 18 year old is crazy. Natural consequences. Stay up too late you're tired the next day.

I can’t understand the level of control some mothers want over their kids (18!). I have sympathy for OP’s son. I know I would have been deeply unhappy if my parents set so many rules at that age.

Some kids don't self-regulate very well and need a bed time enforcer, even as high schoolers.

Bedtime for an 18 year old no

Phone downstairs til school lets out bec you pay for it if they do then no restrictions

You need to trust your kid you have failed

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a bedtime an 18 year old is certainly peculiar. But, ‘you do you.’

Yeah, a bedtime for an 18 year old is crazy. Natural consequences. Stay up too late you're tired the next day.

Agree. None of my kids have a bedtime. Haven’t for years. They go to bed before me.

18 yo son has 130 curfew. He so stretching it to 2 lately. Don’t think I will ease up in that. Nothing good comes after 2. But I am considering.

Only rule I keep besides chores is phone in kitchen on school nights at 10pm. They need sleep.

I’d back off on the bedtime but the rest is fair. My house my rules.