Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:28     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

The reality is that the people who remain single are not socially attuned, sometimes in ways that may not always be visible to people not dating them. I bet some of them could be found autistic (high-functioning kind). I'm a scientist and met my husband in the lab. A lot of men there were socially-challenged. He has ASD. My son has ASD. It takes a certain type of person to look past that. If my husband were to use OLD and go on dates, he wouldn't be able to find anyone. He's not social at all, but at the time I met him, he had good looks and fitness working for him, we shared scientific interests, and we met in person, which is very important to build a rapport with someone who isn't social.

When you start off with certain social challenges, sometimes a lifetime is not enough to meet your significant other. The statistics work against you, and OLD is a killer.




Curious….you say it takes a certain type of person to look past ASD. Can you share more of your thoughts on that? What kind of mental setup do you need to have to be able to deal with an ASD spouse easily?


Stay at home do everything types with tons of nearby friends and family and support.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:27     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

The reality is that the people who remain single are not socially attuned, sometimes in ways that may not always be visible to people not dating them. I bet some of them could be found autistic (high-functioning kind). I'm a scientist and met my husband in the lab. A lot of men there were socially-challenged. He has ASD. My son has ASD. It takes a certain type of person to look past that. If my husband were to use OLD and go on dates, he wouldn't be able to find anyone. He's not social at all, but at the time I met him, he had good looks and fitness working for him, we shared scientific interests, and we met in person, which is very important to build a rapport with someone who isn't social.

When you start off with certain social challenges, sometimes a lifetime is not enough to meet your significant other. The statistics work against you, and OLD is a killer.




Curious….you say it takes a certain type of person to look past ASD. Can you share more of your thoughts on that? What kind of mental setup do you need to have to be able to deal with an ASD spouse easily?

They stay to protect the child(ren).

And someone makes enough income to pay for maids, housekeepers, Nannie’s, cooks, repairmen, car maintenance plans, etc because there are never ended mess ups, chaos, and disorder.

Not because they mastered the difficulty of painlessly living with an ASD person.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:24     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:

The reality is that the people who remain single are not socially attuned, sometimes in ways that may not always be visible to people not dating them. I bet some of them could be found autistic (high-functioning kind). I'm a scientist and met my husband in the lab. A lot of men there were socially-challenged. He has ASD. My son has ASD. It takes a certain type of person to look past that. If my husband were to use OLD and go on dates, he wouldn't be able to find anyone. He's not social at all, but at the time I met him, he had good looks and fitness working for him, we shared scientific interests, and we met in person, which is very important to build a rapport with someone who isn't social.

When you start off with certain social challenges, sometimes a lifetime is not enough to meet your significant other. The statistics work against you, and OLD is a killer.




Yeah, my husband and I are pretty nerdy and we met at work. When we started seeing all of this working from home stuff, our first thought was "Oh no, how will our kids ever meet anyone to marry?" Working on a work project together is a great way to get to know someone, and as you point out, to look past the superficial stuff you see online. (My husband would definitely have been the weird guy in the unflattering outfit posing with a big fish that he caught, if we had been the age for online dating.)
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:23     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Mental disorders keep them from marrying; the other person gets fed up with the dysfunction and pulls the plug.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:22     Subject: Re:Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)


Yeah! Cisgender white-males are the worst people on the planet!


I read what you quoted and didn't reply to it but I thought that including white in it was really weird.

I'm not sure why you added cisgender here. Do you think that transgender men are all over the place?
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:17     Subject: Re:Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)


Watching my daughter date is funny. She rejected the last guy because he had a lot of student loans and lives at home and his mother looks after his laundry and meals. She is like “I can do better. I want a partner not to be someone’s mom.” I admire her high standards but feel a bit like the clock is ticking. Also funny how comfortable this generation is talking about money.


Her intuition is not off. Sounds like guy is already in a relationship... with his mom.





+1
I'd rather my daughter be stable and single than pulling the slack for some loser. She doesn't even need a man to have a baby - that's a nice to have, not a necessity. So if she chooses to have a husband, she can be as picky as she wants. They will both add to each other's lives and support each other, not one supporting the other.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:12     Subject: Re:Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)


Yeah! Cisgender white-males are the worst people on the planet!
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:08     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
The women I know in this situation are all super close with their families, have mothers who got ill or died when the women were young adults, and they have taken on kind of a caretaking role for their father.
Maybe this is a chicken/egg thing, but I really think they can’t imagine getting married and leaving their fathers.

I know this sounds oddly specific, but I can think of 4 women I know in this situation.

Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:05     Subject: Re:Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)


I don't think single women are doing better than men at homeownership, but rather, men who can afford homes also choose to get married (to women who couldn't afford a home on their own).

Or perhaps the women who couldn't afford a home on their own are more likely to seek out a man who can afford a home.

Just don't want to assume what is correlation and what is causation here.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 11:02     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:I knew 2 women who were smart/accomplished and genuinely attractive facially, but neither thought they needed to work to be fit or well put together. They were both about 15-20 lbs heavier than they should have been to appeal to men, and they dressed in a casual, dumpy manner. They believed these things shouldn’t be important to men, and couldn’t understand why the men they were interested in wouldn’t reciprocate. Looking at social media they both appear to be single in their early 40’s despite not wanting that for themselves.


They both took Feminism 101 in college.

- and believed every word of it.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 10:55     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:

The reality is that the people who remain single are not socially attuned, sometimes in ways that may not always be visible to people not dating them. I bet some of them could be found autistic (high-functioning kind). I'm a scientist and met my husband in the lab. A lot of men there were socially-challenged. He has ASD. My son has ASD. It takes a certain type of person to look past that. If my husband were to use OLD and go on dates, he wouldn't be able to find anyone. He's not social at all, but at the time I met him, he had good looks and fitness working for him, we shared scientific interests, and we met in person, which is very important to build a rapport with someone who isn't social.

When you start off with certain social challenges, sometimes a lifetime is not enough to meet your significant other. The statistics work against you, and OLD is a killer.




Curious….you say it takes a certain type of person to look past ASD. Can you share more of your thoughts on that? What kind of mental setup do you need to have to be able to deal with an ASD spouse easily?
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 10:42     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Low libido/asexuality will do it, especially combined with inertia. Speaking as someone who in theory might like to be married but hasn’t yet found someone I like enough to seriously contemplate it. Being single is enjoyable and low stress and working out well for me. It’s hard to convince myself to take a chance on marriage unless I’m really in love with the person.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 10:33     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I knew 2 women who were smart/accomplished and genuinely attractive facially, but neither thought they needed to work to be fit or well put together. They were both about 15-20 lbs heavier than they should have been to appeal to men, and they dressed in a casual, dumpy manner. They believed these things shouldn’t be important to men, and couldn’t understand why the men they were interested in wouldn’t reciprocate. Looking at social media they both appear to be single in their early 40’s despite not wanting that for themselves.


LOL! As is people who are 15 lbs overweight are not fit to be married. Have you ever been to a Walmart?!


Another key is "the men they were interested in" because like most high-status ladies they do not want an Average Joe.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 10:26     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried


The reality is that the people who remain single are not socially attuned, sometimes in ways that may not always be visible to people not dating them. I bet some of them could be found autistic (high-functioning kind). I'm a scientist and met my husband in the lab. A lot of men there were socially-challenged. He has ASD. My son has ASD. It takes a certain type of person to look past that. If my husband were to use OLD and go on dates, he wouldn't be able to find anyone. He's not social at all, but at the time I met him, he had good looks and fitness working for him, we shared scientific interests, and we met in person, which is very important to build a rapport with someone who isn't social.

When you start off with certain social challenges, sometimes a lifetime is not enough to meet your significant other. The statistics work against you, and OLD is a killer.


Anonymous
Post 11/14/2023 10:25     Subject: Common things that keep people unmarried
Since this thread has already gone full on mean girl, I'll add my two cents.

If you've been dating for 25 years and haven't found someone yet, with rare exceptions, it's you. It's not literally every single person you've dated in a quarter century. What it is about you will vary by person but it might be time to look a little introspectively about why your relationships all fail.