Anonymous wrote:Having been in the predicament recently, I chose to send my congratulations for the new wife, more than for anyone else. I did not have her contact info, so I sent the email to BIL, addressed to both. In my mind, it's not her fault she's landing in this family, and I want to start off on the right foot, whatever other relatives are doing. My husband and I were actually not invited to their wedding, so we did not send a gift or attend. I did receive a nice email from BIL after I sent the congratulations, so I think he was grateful I wasn't part of his feud with his brother (which is entirely silly on both sides, BTW).

This is thoughtful. Good idea

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you understand that the root of the problem between them is partly to blame on the mom pitting them against each other.

If your DH has any love for his brother dispite this, it would be good to support him and go to the wedding. I’m saying support the brother, not necessarily support the marriage.

If he doesn’t then no point, don’t go.

You know what? Maybe that's the stickler. We're done being or even acting like we are supportive of bad choices.

Pp who is married to a guy on his 3rd. What is the relationship like between siblings? Did you manage to alienate his sibling the very first time you met them? Were you flat out rude? Turn your back or walk out of a room while they spoke to you... within the first 30 minutes of meeting them?

I believe this is her second wedding.

Sounds like you understand that the root of the problem between them is partly to blame on the mom pitting them against each other.

If your DH has any love for his brother dispite this, it would be good to support him and go to the wedding. I’m saying support the brother, not necessarily support the marriage.

If he doesn’t then no point, don’t go.

I’m assuming this is a small wedding? If I were getting married for the fourth time I would just do courthouse and not expect people to attend.

DH went to a relative's 3rd wedding. The groom's own parents and siblings did not show. DH was glad that he went at the time, b/c relative was super happy to see him. A couple of years later, he changed his tune. Relative was divorced and marrying for a 4th time. Needless to say, DH did not attend.

DH and I are in his third marriage, my first. We have been married for 30 years. I think this one will stick.

As we planned our wedding events, his sister made a remark to him to the effect that we didn't deserve a rehearsal dinner because it was his third wedding. It was my first wedding, and I was happy and excited to marry him and her comment hurt me deeply. Although we get along on the surface, I have never forgotten it and keep her at arm's length. I know what kind of a person she is regardless of how she presents herself.

People make mistakes and that doesn't make them evil or worthy of your contempt or ill treatment. If you don't want to go to the wedding, then don't - but leave the rest of it alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there aspiring fiction writers on this thread or just family drama addicts? The nut jobs on here who try to imagine all manner of scenarios to explain estranged sibling relationships, looping in money as a random factor, need to just keep watching their telenovelas.

This. How limited is their life experience that they declare as fact things that there is no evidence to assume? It’s just like the insane theories people came up with about the family that died from heatstroke in the mountains in Ca.

YES.

Op here. There is nothing nefarious behind the crappy relationship. MIL played a big role. She was most content when her sons and their girlfriends or wives were not on good terms. BIL has some mental health issues and is prone to the woe is me approach. He consistently remembers things far differently than how they happened. I've seen it myself in the roughly 32 years I have known him. Add to that, he is very good at taking advantage of any situation he can.

I won't give anymore details. The drama queens can add whatever they want.

Anonymous wrote:Are there aspiring fiction writers on this thread or just family drama addicts? The nut jobs on here who try to imagine all manner of scenarios to explain estranged sibling relationships, looping in money as a random factor, need to just keep watching their telenovelas.

This. How limited is their life experience that they declare as fact things that there is no evidence to assume? It’s just like the insane theories people came up with about the family that died from heatstroke in the mountains in Ca.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are my brother and claim to stay home because his daughter might kill his wife, you go. My brother is a dbag and so are you. No amount of money in the world excuses family for being selfish, truly.

Whatever, why should OP and her family treat this wedding day thing with any more gravitas than the BIL himself??
This marriage thing that he’s doing—for the fourth time—clearly doesn’t actually mean anything to him.
BIL has shown repeatedly that for him, it’s just some words and a party.

And OP’s DH is busy that day.

Third wedding. So far.