Anonymous
11/06/2023 10:24
Subject: Re:Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is it manipulative or controlling if someone doesn't know what their favorite color is?
Because they aren’t giving you what you want, even something so small. And now all you want to know is their favorite color.
Are you the same poster who gets mad that other people don’t want to tell you where they grew up?
People don’t want to feel interrogated, and you seem to keep triggering that response when trying to connect socially.
Have you tried meet-up groups? Sometimes having an interest in common (running, hiking, birding, etc) can be a better icebreaker socially than asking a lot of personal questions all at once. And with the common interest and frequent meet-ups, you can take your time getting to know people, and vice versa.
Different poster.
Anonymous
11/06/2023 10:24
Subject: Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I do this to people who are nosy or just ask too many questions prying into my personal life.
And for people without tact.
No, don’t ask me about my spirituality at a party. Thanks.
Spirituality?? Who would do that?? That is a far cry from food or colors. I don't see how someone could derive gossip from the latter.
Anonymous
11/06/2023 07:52
Subject: Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The OP’s responses are explaining perfectly why this woman wants nothing to do with her. Leave her alone and stop gossiping about her (yes, you are gossiping!)
Nosy busy body would not be asking innocuous information, it would be personal information, such as "how many people have you had sex with, when and where?" or "tell me about your family issues" or "tell me about your spending habits" or or similar.
NP but busy bodies are a lot more subtle than that. They won't start by asking your number of sexual partners, but may ask if you're married or at least have a boyfriend. If married, want to know when you're having children, what neighborhood you live in, what activities kids do, your and husband's career, where you go on vacation. If you're single they might starting asking all the time what you did over the weekend and if you're seeing someone new. And of course these can be all be perfectly legitimate questions too. The busybody uses them to build a sort of profile almost like a data analyst. And then they keep prying into things. They might ask leading questions like "is that food allowed on your diet?" when you haven't confirmed you're on a diet. They come to conclusions about your family life, sex life, and spending habits from all their little questions and conversations and fill in the blanks with their own nonsense. They might start sneering "oh, this time you went out with a new guy? What happened to the last one?"
Again, it's tricky, because these are the same questions normal people ask when making friends. The busybody is judgmental over the choices, though, and fishes for more information that can be used to create drama (or maybe invents it). Kind of like the OP who now has "several others" wondering about this secretive person.
Anyway, as to the original question, if someone is that way I would assume they are used to being judged and scrutinized over every little thing and have learned to give the bare minimum of information, even when it doesn't really matter.
+1 There's a difference between prying manipulator and the potential friend. The potential friend will offer information about themselves.
Anonymous
11/06/2023 07:48
Subject: Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The OP’s responses are explaining perfectly why this woman wants nothing to do with her. Leave her alone and stop gossiping about her (yes, you are gossiping!)
+1. The "asking around" in the OP means gossiping. And saying, "I don't know" isn't manipulative.
+2 OP is a gossip and her coworker is giving her as little as possible to go on. OP's such an unrepentant gossip that even "no information" becomes the topic of her gossiping.
Anonymous
11/06/2023 06:59
Subject: Re:Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is it manipulative or controlling if someone doesn't know what their favorite color is?
Because they aren’t giving you what you want, even something so small. And now all you want to know is their favorite color.
Are you the same poster who gets mad that other people don’t want to tell you where they grew up?
People don’t want to feel interrogated, and you seem to keep triggering that response when trying to connect socially.
Have you tried meet-up groups? Sometimes having an interest in common (running, hiking, birding, etc) can be a better icebreaker socially than asking a lot of personal questions all at once. And with the common interest and frequent meet-ups, you can take your time getting to know people, and vice versa.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 22:37
Subject: Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:I do this to people who are nosy or just ask too many questions prying into my personal life.
And for people without tact.
No, don’t ask me about my spirituality at a party. Thanks.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 22:37
Subject: Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:IME, secretive people have a reason they are secretive and it's rarely about random coworkers. They have had a stalker, they have an abusive spouse, they have a mentally unwell spouse, they have serious issues in their life, etc. They don't want to share more than they have to, and that's completely okay. I also find that when I don't press and I just respect them, support them, and be kind to them, eventually they decide I'm trustworthy enough to open up to. This isn't about you, and it's probably not about them either. It's probably about something in their lives, and OP, I would strongly encourage you to ask yourself whether you are gentle enough with the people around you to earn their trust. That's probably a more fruitful line of inquiry than asking internet strangers why your coworkers is reluctant to open up.
This. I have a mother, mother-in law and sister who can create drama or explode over the most innocuous things. I have seen crazy things happen over the years both at work, among extended family, my friend's lives and I am extra cautious with people until I get to know them. I used to be more open, but actually had to learn in therapy to be as boring and bland as possible with my family of origin and MIL and not give out any information beyond the weather. This has served me well. I can often figure out who is a drama llama outside of family so I provide little info to those people too. I can understand the birthday thing because both my husband and I have had identities stolen and the less info people know the better. I was pretty trusting through my 20s, a little wiser in 30s and by 50s I am cautious as F. I think my 75 I will be a conspiracy theorist addicted to trash news wearing a tinfoil hat.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 22:22
Subject: Strange behaviors
So let’s see you here you are a middle aged woman who sits around with other middle aged women cackling, and gossiping about a woman who obviously doesn’t trust you because here you are proving to everyone on a public forum that you share information and gossip.
You sound annoying go find a hobby.
You sound annoying go find a hobby.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 21:58
Subject: Re:Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:How is it manipulative or controlling if someone doesn't know what their favorite color is?
Because they aren’t giving you what you want, even something so small. And now all you want to know is their favorite color.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 21:39
Subject: Re:Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They don't like you.
I thought this originally, but then asked around, and this behavior is also shown with others. So no, not just me.
PP again. OMG, just stop!
Well, the situation warrants this person having a baseline ability to interact with other humans. Why so defensive?
Sounds like she doesn’t feel the need to interact with you, at least not on a personal level. Why are you pushing it? Just leave her alone and stop gossiping about her.
No one is gossiping - why would you and that person think so? Is that how you treat people, so you assume that others do also??
Would you answer "I don't know" to a coworker, and refuse to play nice with a coworker that needs work information, that you were hired to transmit? Do you get fired from all of your jobs? Interesting! Why? Are you difficult in the day to day, or do only certain types of people set you off?
If this is you, OP, then you ask too many questions.
6 questions in this 1 response to a poster!
No wonder why the person answers “ I don’t know.” This is exhausting.
Hah. Great point.
Hah. Great exaggeration.
What is the exaggeration?
6 questions in one post. No exaggeration. That is…a lot.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 20:30
Subject: Strange behaviors
IME, secretive people have a reason they are secretive and it's rarely about random coworkers. They have had a stalker, they have an abusive spouse, they have a mentally unwell spouse, they have serious issues in their life, etc. They don't want to share more than they have to, and that's completely okay. I also find that when I don't press and I just respect them, support them, and be kind to them, eventually they decide I'm trustworthy enough to open up to. This isn't about you, and it's probably not about them either. It's probably about something in their lives, and OP, I would strongly encourage you to ask yourself whether you are gentle enough with the people around you to earn their trust. That's probably a more fruitful line of inquiry than asking internet strangers why your coworkers is reluctant to open up.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 20:16
Subject: Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Control
How's that?
Anonymous
11/05/2023 20:14
Subject: Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think for this reason, "ice breakers" before meetings where people reveal something personal create problems and should probably be done away with.
Can you explain why icebreakers should be done away with?
Is this a sneaky person thing, an introvert thing, or something else?
Over time I have realized they bother a lot of people. They may not want to be the center of attention or don't want to share about themselves for whatever reason (as we've mentioned) and also people sit nervously waiting their turn--the fear of public speaking.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 20:02
Subject: Re:Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They don't like you.
I thought this originally, but then asked around, and this behavior is also shown with others. So no, not just me.
PP again. OMG, just stop!
Well, the situation warrants this person having a baseline ability to interact with other humans. Why so defensive?
Sounds like she doesn’t feel the need to interact with you, at least not on a personal level. Why are you pushing it? Just leave her alone and stop gossiping about her.
No one is gossiping - why would you and that person think so? Is that how you treat people, so you assume that others do also??
Would you answer "I don't know" to a coworker, and refuse to play nice with a coworker that needs work information, that you were hired to transmit? Do you get fired from all of your jobs? Interesting! Why? Are you difficult in the day to day, or do only certain types of people set you off?
If this is you, OP, then you ask too many questions.
6 questions in this 1 response to a poster!
No wonder why the person answers “ I don’t know.” This is exhausting.
Hah. Great point.
Hah. Great exaggeration.
Anonymous
11/05/2023 19:51
Subject: Re:Strange behaviors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They don't like you.
I thought this originally, but then asked around, and this behavior is also shown with others. So no, not just me.
PP again. OMG, just stop!
Well, the situation warrants this person having a baseline ability to interact with other humans. Why so defensive?
Sounds like she doesn’t feel the need to interact with you, at least not on a personal level. Why are you pushing it? Just leave her alone and stop gossiping about her.
No one is gossiping - why would you and that person think so? Is that how you treat people, so you assume that others do also??
Would you answer "I don't know" to a coworker, and refuse to play nice with a coworker that needs work information, that you were hired to transmit? Do you get fired from all of your jobs? Interesting! Why? Are you difficult in the day to day, or do only certain types of people set you off?
If this is you, OP, then you ask too many questions.
6 questions in this 1 response to a poster!
No wonder why the person answers “ I don’t know.” This is exhausting.
Hah. Great point.