Anonymous wrote:We pay for grades. It works and - frankly - is more akin to the real world where high performers get paid more in the workplace (exceptions abound, of course).

Big drop in compensation from an A to a B+. We have bonuses too for perfect GPA and certain milestones on SAT, class rank, etc. My kid decides what his time is worth....and he seems to like money.

It's nice because I'm not actually pressuring and following up. He wants to make some coin and pushes himself. Win-win for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like "tiger mom" parenting is not the same as "successful Asian parenting" where you encourage maximizing one's potential.

Your kid seems to be already pushing himself to be the best, so you don't need to do much here. If you want to mess him up, then take up "tiger mom" techniques. But if you want him to make the most of himself, then just be supportive.

Why is the word "Asian" necessary in your first sentence?

Because "tiger mom" originally referred to Asian parenting. Look it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like "tiger mom" parenting is not the same as "successful Asian parenting" where you encourage maximizing one's potential.

Your kid seems to be already pushing himself to be the best, so you don't need to do much here. If you want to mess him up, then take up "tiger mom" techniques. But if you want him to make the most of himself, then just be supportive.

Why is the word "Asian" necessary in your first sentence?

Anonymous wrote:What’s a donut hole?

Anonymous wrote:I am not a Tiger Parent, but do consider As to be expected. My son, who has learning disabilities but is a methodical, hard-working person, had straight As in most of his dozen APs and other courses taking in high school. He had tutors for some subjects, which I consider part of a normal education (my mother and siblings had governesses and tutors at home, why not this generation of kids?).

Please retire the Tiger Parent concept and parent according to your lights and the kid you have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a Tiger Parent, but do consider As to be expected. My son, who has learning disabilities but is a methodical, hard-working person, had straight As in most of his dozen APs and other courses taking in high school. He had tutors for some subjects, which I consider part of a normal education (my mother and siblings had governesses and tutors at home, why not this generation of kids?).

Please retire the Tiger Parent concept and parent according to your lights and the kid you have.

Really??? Are you from the US? Growing up I never knew anyone with a tutor who didn't have severe academic issues and I only heard about governesses in books.

PP you replied to. I am European and I am indeed talking about a real governess, one who teaches and lives with the family. And my dear PP. Parents who can afford it hire tutors for their kids as early as elementary school, for remedial and enrichment purposes. Today, in the DC area.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like "tiger mom" parenting is not the same as "successful Asian parenting" where you encourage maximizing one's potential.

Your kid seems to be already pushing himself to be the best, so you don't need to do much here. If you want to mess him up, then take up "tiger mom" techniques. But if you want him to make the most of himself, then just be supportive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. Very good student, does all his work with no parental involvement, currently getting all As and a high B in AP US history with minimal effort, plus ~2hrs of intense practice for his sport a day.
Generally we've been pretty hands off. We expect him to put in effort in school, exposed him to a lot in childhood, but did not really push hard on any academic enrichment or even monitor homework. He goes to public school. Participating in the intense sport is 100% his choosing - he may or may end up good enough, or interested enough, to participate in college. Otherwise he's a pretty ordinary kid with a good group of friends.

I'm wondering if, now that he's in high school, we should up our game. We're a donut hole family, so ultimately, where he goes to college will depend on aid offers, and while DH and I are of the mind that he is likely to be successful wherever he ends up, DS himself is focused on going to a very good school. If we doubled down, hired a tutor, or just did extensive review with him before those AP history tests, I'm pretty sure that high B in his AP class could be an A. I just don't know if that's worth it, and this college game is all new to me.

I feel this trade off between helping him get into the best school possible, but with a load of perhaps unnecessary stress and parental involvement, and letting him continue to be the one in the drivers seat and modeling balance instead of achieve-at-all-costs. Curious what those who have been through the college process think.

and just how are you going to afford that? USC is now $92K a year,

Anonymous wrote:I asked my kids how involved they wanted me to be. It was a giant range. And it was part of a college conversation that included money, showing them the 529 statements, who Princeton can be cheaper than BC for people like us - but a little step down from BC can be affordable too. It was college 101 the summer before 9th.

Both kids asked me to be a little involved, mostly boiling down to not harassing them about grades (it's a really hard high school) but getting information about summer programs. Etc.

IOW, I'd ask the kid

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman. Very good student, does all his work with no parental involvement, currently getting all As and a high B in AP US history with minimal effort, plus ~2hrs of intense practice for his sport a day.
Generally we've been pretty hands off. We expect him to put in effort in school, exposed him to a lot in childhood, but did not really push hard on any academic enrichment or even monitor homework. He goes to public school. Participating in the intense sport is 100% his choosing - he may or may end up good enough, or interested enough, to participate in college. Otherwise he's a pretty ordinary kid with a good group of friends.

I'm wondering if, now that he's in high school, we should up our game. We're a donut hole family, so ultimately, where he goes to college will depend on aid offers, and while DH and I are of the mind that he is likely to be successful wherever he ends up, DS himself is focused on going to a very good school. If we doubled down, hired a tutor, or just did extensive review with him before those AP history tests, I'm pretty sure that high B in his AP class could be an A. I just don't know if that's worth it, and this college game is all new to me.

I feel this trade off between helping him get into the best school possible, but with a load of perhaps unnecessary stress and parental involvement, and letting him continue to be the one in the drivers seat and modeling balance instead of achieve-at-all-costs. Curious what those who have been through the college process think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does a very good school mean to your son? The very top schools don't offer merit aid-- does that mean they are not options? Ron Lieber, The Price You Pay For College, may be a good read. He encourages parents to have frank convos with their kids... it's not about being a tiger mom, but you can be honest about how academic performance can be tied to aid offers, and what your hopes/expectations are. Best of luck.

+100. This. If getting merit to your flagship is needed, that is one thing. If you are saying getting 20-30K in merit to a private college and you can pay 40-50K, likely they have to be willing to go a tier down in prestige and watch friends apply ED to schools that are either need-based only aid and/or take a large percentage in ED and be fine that they can’t go that route despite having great grades.

Anonymous wrote:What’s a donut hole?