Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about schools that try to fix quirky kids and make them cool? You know, play sports, dress well, get girls etc.

Isn’t learning to fit in, or deciding not to, part of what you learn in school?

Wouldn’t switching them from an environment that presents some challenges to one you think will be easier for them prevent them from learning some very valuable life lessons?

Depends on the level of cruelty of the offending kids. You say "some challenges," but getting daily messages from a peer group that there is something inherently wrong with you is more than "some challenges." Kids who are bullied do not always recover to their former potential, and they may believe the whole world is as cruel as their middle school. Putting them in a school with nicer people gives them hope, self-esteem, and lets them develop into their best selves.

I agree with the other posters who suggest a bigger school.

I had wrongly assumed that the smaller private school known for both strong academics and its accepting & inclusive culture would be a good environment for our kid whose interests fall outside the norm of many of his peers. But smaller schools can also be claustrophobic socially, and it's hit and miss by class year (older sibling had a much better class social dynamic). So after 3 years, he took a chance and transferred to a large public school where he absolutely BLOSSOMED socially! This was an unexpected surprise because he seemed like such a "small school kid" to me...I was wrong.

Don’t you think this young generation is generally kinder to people who are unconventional in various ways? Because that is my impression. I feel that people’s experiences and activities are so much more diverse (it’s not like the old days when there’s only three TV channels that the whole nation watches) that there’s less of a monolithic culture. Even gender and pronouns and sexuality are openly more diverse.

Beautifully stated, PP.

Anonymous wrote:I have a quirky 10 year old DD and exploring schools to apply to for either 5th or 6th.

I am going to open houses and also talking to friends with kids at target schools. My friends suggest that some schools have a reputation for being better for quirky girls. Is this really a thing? Like some school are better for athletic kids, or kids who are artistic, or whatever? Don’t most of these schools have a mix of kids?

I guess I am wondering if there really is a different (in terms of personality or interests) pool of kids who go to Sidwell vs. GDS vs. Holton? (Just examples)

FWIW, when I say quirky, to me it means my DD has strong interests in some fairly narrow areas - for example, she loves history, her sport is a martial art, and she sews and reads for fun. She also plays video games, etc., - are there really schools which are a better fit for “girls like her”?

I think you are misunderstanding what your friend is saying in terms of "best for." Yes, most schools, really all schools, have a mix of personalities and kids with varying interests. However, as a parent of kids who might fit in the category of kids with less mainstream interests, it is clear that there are some schools where the vibe and social scene can be brutal to such kids, and other schools where our kids can happily be their awesome selves without being targeted by mean kids because of their unique interests and even clothing choices. This gives them the time and space to grow confidently into their best adult selves. Those schools are clearly, in my book, "better for quirky kids," than other schools, even while the same school might also a great place for artists (due to its art facilities and offerings), or athletes (maybe due to its facilities or coaching or because its a place where a given athlete is most likely to get to play), scholars (due to the advanced classes), and whatever.


The flip side, the school that are socially brutal to otherness, might be good for a lot of things, but at what cost to a kid who is not a crowd follower? What happens to a young kid in these formative years when surrounded by a peer group that rejects who they are and what they love? Usually they either bury themselves and conform to the crowd, they develop a negative self image and maybe even mental health problems like depression and anxiety, or they "rebel against the normies" and go way into the realm of "otherness." I don't think any of those outcomes are the best we hope for in our kids. What makes a school community lean one way or another is a mystery to me, but it's there, and if we could figure it out, maybe we could heal a lot of the world's ills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

I think folks on here use “quirky” as code for not being a jock/country club type.

Reading the last couple comments…. Wait, are you saying that it’s a negative or undesirable trait if a school embraces “quirky” kids that have different personalities or interests? Unless, of course, the explanation is that it’s simply because it’s full of kids who are “nice”? I hope you realize that perspective is not one to be proud of. OP described her “quirky” DD as someone who loves history, martial arts, and sewing. Sounds like a pretty awesome kid to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

I think Burke is listed more in terms of a school with a reputation for being nice/accepting. I’d take it as a compliment.

I think you’re right. The kids are particularly nice and accepting. There are a couple of outliers, of course, but none that seem worrisome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

Really? We saw it when we were looking 4 years ago…my kid loved it but ultimately choose St. Andrew’s.

Anonymous wrote:Meh, most places will say they’re progressive. IMO as a teacher that is sometimes a marker of not very strong teachers doing what they want and thinking it’s great because the kids enjoy their classes. Cf Lowell—I was shocked by how weak the middle school curriculum was.

For the original question, yes, some schools have and support quirky-identified kids better than others. I don’t know which ones are actually good for that (lots of nice quirk at Lowell, to be fair), but Sidwell is not it. I was really duped by the Quaker values business at the Lower School (we applied our kid just before the pandemic and didn’t get to see the MS and US!), but it feels like a real sports-ocracy. I know many middle schools have kids looking to fit in, but I am hard pressed to spot many kids who are comfortable standing out.

Interesting Re: your first paragraph. This is not our experience at all at a local progressive K-8. There is a very strong curriculum and the teachers have been phenomenal!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP one more time- a good place to start is the schools that use progressive pedagogy. (I mean progressive pedagogy not politically progressive) This approach to inclusion and community building and embracing all children for who they are is core to their view of educational instruction. Some examples are Sheridan, Lowell, GDS, Burke, SSFS.

We go to one of these. They go overboard and glorify the misfits to the point that if you are not one you can’t and won’t try to join certain clubs.
Yes everyone is doing their thing, but the misfits get first dibs. And no one better say a thing.

Yikes- I obviously don’t know which one you’re referring to. But we go to one too and love the inclusive culture. If this is your perspective, why in the world would you pay so much money for your kids to go to a school that’s clearly a bad match for your family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

I think Burke is listed more in terms of a school with a reputation for being nice/accepting. I’d take it as a compliment.

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. JkAlso sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

Burke is always on the list when someone has a “quirky” kid. I just don’t see it. My kid is there and the kids are just like everywhere else she’s been.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworker always calling herself a nerd. Yet she wasn’t very smart or organized nor good at her job.
It was pretty ironic and sad.

What does this have to do with the conversation at hand?

Everyone’s defining quirky differently. And flat out wrongly.

Plus everybody is “quirky”, it’s fantastic, free to be me, and we’re told it’s good for college apps!

Anonymous wrote:You'll find Maret, Field and Burke. I have a quirky kid (anxiety, social) and he does well at Maret - he started in 9th and found his people. Also sporty kids there. I hear the other 2 are good too.

I would add St. Andrew's. They seem to attract a lot of socially atypical kids.