I would have been insulted and probably cried after they left and it would have been an overreaction. I was very very emotional in the postpartum period and that colors your perceptions. Please be gentle with yourself and with your family, I'm sure they love you and didn't mean to hurt you.

Those first few months are very can be hard with a newborn, when you feel like the world is going on without you while you are stuck in a never-ending cycle of eat, sleep, poop. And in a way, it is, but other people don't have to stop having a good time. This time will pass and this time next year, you will be able to join. It's absolutely okay to say out loud, that for obvious reasons, you can't go, but you hope they have a wonderful time, and you can't wait until you can join on the next visit.

I think you are off base and what they did is fine.

Anonymous wrote:Just like MILs are not entitled to act like moms with “everything being the same” and expect to be in the delivery room, etc., you are not entitled to act like being her DIL is the same as being her daughter.

Sometimes moms and daughters want special time together. That’s it. If you expect MIL to know her place as not-your-mom, you need to know your place as not-her-daughter.

It is GREAT when people actively want to go beyond that and include each other in the delivery room or out to a special lunch or whatever, but that shouldn’t be expected.

+100.

Just like MILs are not entitled to act like moms with “everything being the same” and expect to be in the delivery room, etc., you are not entitled to act like being her DIL is the same as being her daughter.

Sometimes moms and daughters want special time together. That’s it. If you expect MIL to know her place as not-your-mom, you need to know your place as not-her-daughter.

It is GREAT when people actively want to go beyond that and include each other in the delivery room or out to a special lunch or whatever, but that shouldn’t be expected.

From my reading of the post, it sounds like MIL usually stays with SIL when she visits, but because SIL already has guests, she's staying with OP and her husband. This kind of sets up a dynamic where OP/husband are the "fallback" option, which doesn't feel very good. So after staying with OP out of convenience but not preference, she and SIL are now going out to do some fun thing and not include OP.

I totally think MIL and SIL have the right to do something alone, but I can see how this scenario would sting, and frankly it would be nice for MIL to do something nice for OP, like bring back a pastry that she knows OP likes or something similar.

(1) It's normal for a mother and daughter to want to spend time together, without you

(2) You mentioned you wanted to bring your baby with you and it's quite possible they didn't want to eat with a baby

I have kids, multiple of them, but that doesn't mean I always enjoy having meals with people with babies. Oh but she'll sleep the whole time! She's such a good baby! I don't care, you're not going to be 100% in and that can be annoying when people have limited time to spend.