Anonymous wrote:I was once invited to a friend’s birthday where the invite stated “ your presence is present enough”. I respected my friend’s wishes and didn’t bring a gift but I was surprised to see that several guests did. I felt so awkward I sent her flowers the next day. The next time I got such an invite ( from a different friend), I brought a gift but was one of only 3 guests to do so.

Lately my 13 year old daughter received an invite to a friends birthday party which also stated “ no gifts”, but all the girls brought gifts.

What does the host expect when they specify this on their invite? What exactly do you do when you receive such invites? Gift or no gift?

Anonymous wrote:When I put No Gifts on the invite, I get annoyed when I receive gifts.

I don't want more stuff in my house to deal with!

I don't want 3 different bouquets of flowers producing different smells and dropping petals. I trash them as soon as you leave.

I don't want a random bottle of wine you grabbed at CVS on the way over. I don't even drink wine. That's why at the end of each party I always encourage guests to take leftover wine and beer.

If you must bring anything, at least make it a thank you card - something easy to toss/recycle after reading it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I usually give gifts back to the giver when I get one after specifying no gifts.

You really need to start your own AITA thread on this.

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Anonymous wrote:Why do you gauge what you do based upon those around you?

If people say they want no gifts, respect their wishes.

So odd that you felt the need to backtrack when others did something different.

Be confident and mature (=make your own decisions).

Because I was raised such that gift giving is appropriate. People wanting to change the rules feels strange to me. I'm confident enough to know my values and social norms. So I stick to them.

It's also a social norm to eat meat, but if I host someone I know to be vegetarian I won't serve them meat.

I would still make meat and they could take it or not because other guests may enjoy it.

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Anonymous wrote:Just bring a gift. It avoids any awkwardness of the being the only one empty handed. Better safe than sorry.

OMG.

Maybe if people stopped worrying so much about feeling awkward and started respecting the host's wishes, we could all stop stressing about this question.

Oh well. My experience tells me otherwise. So, now, gifts.

Your experience tells you what?

A birthday party is a gift giving event, that's how I was raised so I go by what I know.

Do you don't know how to follow directions?

No gifts please means don't bring a gift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you gauge what you do based upon those around you?

If people say they want no gifts, respect their wishes.

So odd that you felt the need to backtrack when others did something different.

Be confident and mature (=make your own decisions).

Because I was raised such that gift giving is appropriate. People wanting to change the rules feels strange to me. I'm confident enough to know my values and social norms. So I stick to them.

It's also a social norm to eat meat, but if I host someone I know to be vegetarian I won't serve them meat.

Anonymous wrote:No gifts means be prepared to give a gift.

I went to a no Gifts 50 birthday. My wife smarter than me said bring a $100 gift card just in case. I say 90 percent brought a gift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you gauge what you do based upon those around you?

If people say they want no gifts, respect their wishes.

So odd that you felt the need to backtrack when others did something different.

Be confident and mature (=make your own decisions).

Because I was raised such that gift giving is appropriate. People wanting to change the rules feels strange to me. I'm confident enough to know my values and social norms. So I stick to them.

Anonymous wrote:I usually give gifts back to the giver when I get one after specifying no gifts.