Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the teachers here - parents need to accept that for some kids there will be a long ugly learning curve for homework protocols
and there will be many failures over time as kids learn the process. Don’t flip out at teachers or your kids especially in the early years if there are hiccups - but be realistic that this skill takes time -often even years to develop - and ultimately your kid will be the one to decide if they master it or not. My kid got many Bs, Cs and even Ds in elementary school and middle school on a regular basis. So many calls and notes from teachers for not showing work and failure to do or hand in homework. This problem persisted from elementary school til early HS. Same kid graduated Summa Cum Laude from college and recently graduated from an Ivy League Law school. Point is - do your best with reminders and don’t give up on your kid. Most of all don’t make this your teachers problem to solve - it’s your KIDs problem. In our case there were many imperfect report cards- and I think this is important because it’s the consequence of not mastering the skill. For this issue, kids need time and patience from both parents and educators and not accommodations. It’s okay if the transcript is not perfect. Build resilience and grit -once it clicks it’s a huge boost of confidence- but don’t look for teachers to make things perfect and save them from messing up. Messing up IS part of the process.

Just shut up. SHUT UP.

Whoa. This is an unreasonable reaction to a poster's personal anecdote. There is nothing wrong with what PP said.

Actually there is. And that person needs to take a seat.

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the teachers here - parents need to accept that for some kids there will be a long ugly learning curve for homework protocols
and there will be many failures over time as kids learn the process. Don’t flip out at teachers or your kids especially in the early years if there are hiccups - but be realistic that this skill takes time -often even years to develop - and ultimately your kid will be the one to decide if they master it or not. My kid got many Bs, Cs and even Ds in elementary school and middle school on a regular basis. So many calls and notes from teachers for not showing work and failure to do or hand in homework. This problem persisted from elementary school til early HS. Same kid graduated Summa Cum Laude from college and recently graduated from an Ivy League Law school. Point is - do your best with reminders and don’t give up on your kid. Most of all don’t make this your teachers problem to solve - it’s your KIDs problem. In our case there were many imperfect report cards- and I think this is important because it’s the consequence of not mastering the skill. For this issue, kids need time and patience from both parents and educators and not accommodations. It’s okay if the transcript is not perfect. Build resilience and grit -once it clicks it’s a huge boost of confidence- but don’t look for teachers to make things perfect and save them from messing up. Messing up IS part of the process.

I really hope you recognize what worked for your kid does not work for all kids. Both my DCs experienced serious spirals into depression and anxiety when they got Bs, Cs and Ds, which persisted into HS. Their depression came from the internal dissonance they experienced - I know I'm smart, I'm working super hard, but I still can't pull it together enough to get decent grades. It's compounded by the knowledge that bad grades will affect the kind of opportunities they have - something that was not pressure coming from me but every aspect of our college admissions culture, from adults and peers alike.

Getting them formal accommodations, insisting that all teachers comply and helping my kids learn to troubleshoot and figure out what worked for them and how to effectively use accommodations was a key part in their journey to learn how to manage their disabilities in college and beyond.

I agree that perfection is not required and bad grades can be overcome. I also agree to some extent that worrying about the graces in the early years is to some extent not as important - but bad grades can deeply affect self-esteem and one's belief in one's self-efficacy which can in turn affect motivation and create a downward spiral. I also think that one has to keep an eye on grades because their should be an upward trajectory so that by HS the skills are there. And finally, even in ES and MS bad grades can affect important opportunities like access to accelerated classes. this is particularly ironic for ADHD kids, who are interest based learners. They often need more interesting accelerated classes to keep them engaged, but can be screened out because of bad grades caused by missing assignments caused by the ADHD.

IMO, strictly looking to failure as the cure for ADHD inattention seriously misunderstands the nature of the disorder.

Anonymous wrote:Homework is the bane of my existence. My DD has ADHD and it's a daily struggle. She at least now has an accommodation that her teacher checks her planner at the end of the day to make sure she has the HW written down correctly. That was a battle. I have been asking for an online calendar with upcoming assignments so that I wouldn't have to ask the teacher or have this daily check in, but the teachers refuse to do this.

And then we spend time completing all the homework, making sure it goes back to school, and she won't turn it in. It's so frustrating. It will eventually get turned in but be docked points for being late. I'm not sure where it all goes wrong. She didn't know it was time to turn it in? Didn't hear the teacher ask? Forgot? I don't know.

This is why I need a teacher partner in the classroom - there is no way to figure this out without talking to the teacher. Sometimes I even have to meet with the teacher after school with or without DC to understand physically what was going on. On one such visit, I discovered that DC, who kept insisting teacher hadn't assigned homework, was missing that homework was written every day on a board in the classroom. He hadn't even noticed. Teacher didn't usually verbally draw attention to it, and even had she, DC often misses oral instructions due to ADHD Inattentive. Teacher and I were able to collaborate to find solution - DC would have a regular seat right in front of that board. I even walked DC through this after school one day. Homework improved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the teachers here - parents need to accept that for some kids there will be a long ugly learning curve for homework protocols
and there will be many failures over time as kids learn the process. Don’t flip out at teachers or your kids especially in the early years if there are hiccups - but be realistic that this skill takes time -often even years to develop - and ultimately your kid will be the one to decide if they master it or not. My kid got many Bs, Cs and even Ds in elementary school and middle school on a regular basis. So many calls and notes from teachers for not showing work and failure to do or hand in homework. This problem persisted from elementary school til early HS. Same kid graduated Summa Cum Laude from college and recently graduated from an Ivy League Law school. Point is - do your best with reminders and don’t give up on your kid. Most of all don’t make this your teachers problem to solve - it’s your KIDs problem. In our case there were many imperfect report cards- and I think this is important because it’s the consequence of not mastering the skill. For this issue, kids need time and patience from both parents and educators and not accommodations. It’s okay if the transcript is not perfect. Build resilience and grit -once it clicks it’s a huge boost of confidence- but don’t look for teachers to make things perfect and save them from messing up. Messing up IS part of the process.

Just shut up. SHUT UP.

Whoa. This is an unreasonable reaction to a poster's personal anecdote. There is nothing wrong with what PP said.

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the teachers here - parents need to accept that for some kids there will be a long ugly learning curve for homework protocols
and there will be many failures over time as kids learn the process. Don’t flip out at teachers or your kids especially in the early years if there are hiccups - but be realistic that this skill takes time -often even years to develop - and ultimately your kid will be the one to decide if they master it or not. My kid got many Bs, Cs and even Ds in elementary school and middle school on a regular basis. So many calls and notes from teachers for not showing work and failure to do or hand in homework. This problem persisted from elementary school til early HS. Same kid graduated Summa Cum Laude from college and recently graduated from an Ivy League Law school. Point is - do your best with reminders and don’t give up on your kid. Most of all don’t make this your teachers problem to solve - it’s your KIDs problem. In our case there were many imperfect report cards- and I think this is important because it’s the consequence of not mastering the skill. For this issue, kids need time and patience from both parents and educators and not accommodations. It’s okay if the transcript is not perfect. Build resilience and grit -once it clicks it’s a huge boost of confidence- but don’t look for teachers to make things perfect and save them from messing up. Messing up IS part of the process.

Just shut up. SHUT UP.