Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 17:59     Subject: Rude kids
Anonymous wrote:If the kid is old enough to ride home with a parent, the kid is old enough to basic manners. Kids know to ask to go to the bathroom in school. They should know enough to ask where the bathroom is when they are a guest in someone’s house.

When I invite kids over, there is 100% chance there is a snack. I’ve never had a kid open my refrigerator, ever. I may tell the kid to open. Fortunately, my kid’s friends are well mannered and polite. They say thank you and please. This is common courtesy. Age and youth have nothing to do with it. Parent need to instill these in kids. Most do. I’ve always had the most polite and well mannered kids in my house and they are always welcomed back. It’s just common decency. Not sure what trailer park you are from.


Earlier someone said it’s the rich entitled ones with poor manners and now someone’s making another stereotype about trailer parks. Make up your minds. Or use common sense and realize that it’s a random thing. Most kids know enough not to go into food pantry or refrigerator if it’s not their kitchen. A few kids don’t.
Anonymous
Post 10/18/2023 16:44     Subject: Rude kids
Omg my child had a little friend over who was so rude, opening cupboards, telling me the snacks I offered “suck”, demanding to watch TV, just awful. I was counting down the minutes until his parent picked him up. I wondered if his parents have any idea how rude their kid is, or if they realize he isn’t invited over again because of the horrible manners.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 20:33     Subject: Rude kids
Anonymous wrote:Agree that there’s no need to threaten a child. You say directly, “I need you to ask me for help getting a snack. Please do not go into our cabinets by yourself again, okay?” Then if they keep ignoring you, you just don’t invite them over. I’ve never had kids go through my kitchen without one of my kids, except to grab an apple out of the fruit bowl (that’s what it’s there for), but I always offer snacks proactively.


That's literally what the previous poster said, which she was villified for. She said she would tell the kids not to root around, give them a second warning, and then they wouldn't be invited back. The only difference between your approach is that you dont inform the child of the potential consequence of their actions (aka "threatening" them) before punishing them by not inviting them back.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 20:32     Subject: Rude kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If kids go into the fridge or pantry without asking the first time I tell them "In this house, guests need to ask an adult who lives here if they want something to eat or drink."

The second time I tell them "Remember what I said about asking if you want something? If you continue to help yourself you won't be invited back."

If they do it again they're never welcome back. My kids know they have "school friends" who they can enjoy playing with at school but aren't welcome at our house because they won't follow rules. Thems the breaks. Actions have consequences.


Yikes. You sound very scary and controlling. Sure it’s impolite for a child to start rooting around your kitchen, but I would bet a lot that they’re scared to ask your permission since you sound very cold and rigid. Maybe they thought it was rude to interrupt whatever you were doing or maybe they were starving but you didn’t offer them anything. They were looking for goldfish, not vaping in your bathroom for goodness sake.


Found the entitled parent!


+1

It’s just downright rude to go to someone’s house and root around for anything, let alone goldfish. It is not your house. Period.

Do you teach your kids that? If you are hungry, root around someone’s house for food? But the kids is too scared to ask. Really? You got to be kidding. Entitlement for sure.


I don’t see it as entitlement at all. I agree with you as an adult that it is rude to root around someone’s house for food. But how would kids know this? They’re probably used to going and getting themselves a snack at home without asking. Maybe they just think they are supposed to be independent, just as they wouldn’t need to ask your permission to go use the bathroom. You are perceiving this as rudeness when it’s much more likely a misunderstanding of expectations. Just offer them a snack and explain what’s available. Why is this so hard? Why are you looking to be angry at a little kid and threaten them?


Of course the kids don't come into the house knowing the rules. The previous poster said they would inform the child of THEIR house rules, and if the child did it again, they would be warned that they wouldnt be invited back if they continued. There is nothing wrong with having rules, making them known, and not inviting kids over who refuse to follow the rules.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2023 14:20     Subject: Rude kids
Curious by what you mean by "back talk". Means very different things to different people --could you give us an example?
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 07:39     Subject: Rude kids
Agree that there’s no need to threaten a child. You say directly, “I need you to ask me for help getting a snack. Please do not go into our cabinets by yourself again, okay?” Then if they keep ignoring you, you just don’t invite them over. I’ve never had kids go through my kitchen without one of my kids, except to grab an apple out of the fruit bowl (that’s what it’s there for), but I always offer snacks proactively.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 04:37     Subject: Rude kids
Anonymous wrote:Larlo, in this house we don’t insult people…we ask permission to get snacks…if you can’t follow these house rules you won’t be invited back.’ And reinforce with parents at drop off.


Ha ha sure you talk that way.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 03:49     Subject: Rude kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If kids go into the fridge or pantry without asking the first time I tell them "In this house, guests need to ask an adult who lives here if they want something to eat or drink."

The second time I tell them "Remember what I said about asking if you want something? If you continue to help yourself you won't be invited back."

If they do it again they're never welcome back. My kids know they have "school friends" who they can enjoy playing with at school but aren't welcome at our house because they won't follow rules. Thems the breaks. Actions have consequences.


Yikes. You sound very scary and controlling. Sure it’s impolite for a child to start rooting around your kitchen, but I would bet a lot that they’re scared to ask your permission since you sound very cold and rigid. Maybe they thought it was rude to interrupt whatever you were doing or maybe they were starving but you didn’t offer them anything. They were looking for goldfish, not vaping in your bathroom for goodness sake.


+1 bottom line it is just not productive to talk to kids (or anyone) like this. Threats and ultimatums are not a respectful way to deal with people and if anything kids deserve more respect, not less, since they are vulnerable. So now you end up with a situation where you’ve issued a challenge (“if you continue to help yourself you won’t be invited back.”) Most kids will placate you to your face and then ridicule you and mock you behind your back - in other words, no lessons learned and no behavior improvement. Then some kids will defy you and you’ve painted yourself into a ridiculous corner of “some friends are just school friends” which of course teaches your own kids to be petty and judgmental.


NP. They can mock behind my back all they want. We're asking only that they exhibit basic manners instead of grabbing food from the refrigerator at will. If they won't do that, they won't be invited back. '

If it were me though, and they were rude to my kid and went wild in my kitchen, I'd just not invite them back. No need to tell them. As DCUM moms like to day, friendships change.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 03:30     Subject: Rude kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If kids go into the fridge or pantry without asking the first time I tell them "In this house, guests need to ask an adult who lives here if they want something to eat or drink."

The second time I tell them "Remember what I said about asking if you want something? If you continue to help yourself you won't be invited back."

If they do it again they're never welcome back. My kids know they have "school friends" who they can enjoy playing with at school but aren't welcome at our house because they won't follow rules. Thems the breaks. Actions have consequences.


Yikes. You sound very scary and controlling. Sure it’s impolite for a child to start rooting around your kitchen, but I would bet a lot that they’re scared to ask your permission since you sound very cold and rigid. Maybe they thought it was rude to interrupt whatever you were doing or maybe they were starving but you didn’t offer them anything. They were looking for goldfish, not vaping in your bathroom for goodness sake.


I think Goldfish for snacks ends with kindergarten. My daughter’s best friend is the most polite and article child I’ve seen in a long time. They are both 11 years old and my daughter is polite but takes awhile to warm up to people she doesn’t know so she mumbles and looks down. After awhile she’ll join in. I hope my daughter’s friend’s confidence rubs off on my daughter. This child has a chaotic home life but her father is great. He takes her and her friends to activities like escape houses, trampoline parks, biking.

If a child is starving they usually ask their friend to fix something or if they’re young he’ll ask his friend to ask his mother for something to eat.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 23:33     Subject: Re:Rude kids
I don’t care much about rooting around refrigerator or cabinets, but talking back and especially putting your DC down are unacceptable behaviors.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 21:19     Subject: Rude kids
I work with a lot of kids in different settings, and I am friendly but firm about manners. I tell them it’s more polite to do X than whatever they said or did. Stop and teach in the moment. I would be appalled if anyone went in my cupboard without permission, and I would tell them that when you are at someone else’s home, you wait to be invited. I have been involved with Girl Scouts for years, and I would absolutely call kids out who were rude and sassy. It’s always easier to take the kid aside and speak to them, telling them what you want them to do and explaining why. If a parent witnessed it, I would still say. “That’s not polite. Please don’t speak like that here.”
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 21:00     Subject: Rude kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If kids go into the fridge or pantry without asking the first time I tell them "In this house, guests need to ask an adult who lives here if they want something to eat or drink."

The second time I tell them "Remember what I said about asking if you want something? If you continue to help yourself you won't be invited back."

If they do it again they're never welcome back. My kids know they have "school friends" who they can enjoy playing with at school but aren't welcome at our house because they won't follow rules. Thems the breaks. Actions have consequences.


Yikes. You sound very scary and controlling. Sure it’s impolite for a child to start rooting around your kitchen, but I would bet a lot that they’re scared to ask your permission since you sound very cold and rigid. Maybe they thought it was rude to interrupt whatever you were doing or maybe they were starving but you didn’t offer them anything. They were looking for goldfish, not vaping in your bathroom for goodness sake.


Found the entitled parent!


+1

It’s just downright rude to go to someone’s house and root around for anything, let alone goldfish. It is not your house. Period.

Do you teach your kids that? If you are hungry, root around someone’s house for food? But the kids is too scared to ask. Really? You got to be kidding. Entitlement for sure.


Wow! I keep kid friendly snacks on the low shelf of my pantry and tell the kids to help themselves. Only rule is it stays in the kitchen or on the deck. Maybe kids are getting conflicting messages. I like it when others are comfortable in my home.


Talking back and behaving unkindly is one thing, but yeah, I don't see the big deal about snacks. I want my kids friends to feel comfortable in our home. It's not like they're making a four course meal, and the snacks basically only exist in our house because of kids. I tell my kid to ask permission in someone else's home, but I also tell my kid to offer snacks and drinks when friends come over (and/or we offer them).
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 20:53     Subject: Rude kids
I have never had this issue. I also put snacks and drinks on the table when they arrive and the help themselves but also stay in the kitchen. I have had kids ask where the bathroom is and I tell them. They are all very polite and respectful. This was all when my kids were younger. Now they are teenagers and I still do the same and they are equally as polite and respectful. I am happy my kids are friends with these types of kids. They are welcome in my home all the time and they hang out here a lot. They even sleepover and sometimes go in the refrigerator but my kids are there with them. They are not rummaging. They are like my kids now. They feel at home.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 20:38     Subject: Rude kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If kids go into the fridge or pantry without asking the first time I tell them "In this house, guests need to ask an adult who lives here if they want something to eat or drink."

The second time I tell them "Remember what I said about asking if you want something? If you continue to help yourself you won't be invited back."

If they do it again they're never welcome back. My kids know they have "school friends" who they can enjoy playing with at school but aren't welcome at our house because they won't follow rules. Thems the breaks. Actions have consequences.


Yikes. You sound very scary and controlling. Sure it’s impolite for a child to start rooting around your kitchen, but I would bet a lot that they’re scared to ask your permission since you sound very cold and rigid. Maybe they thought it was rude to interrupt whatever you were doing or maybe they were starving but you didn’t offer them anything. They were looking for goldfish, not vaping in your bathroom for goodness sake.


Found the entitled parent!


+1

It’s just downright rude to go to someone’s house and root around for anything, let alone goldfish. It is not your house. Period.

Do you teach your kids that? If you are hungry, root around someone’s house for food? But the kids is too scared to ask. Really? You got to be kidding. Entitlement for sure.


Wow! I keep kid friendly snacks on the low shelf of my pantry and tell the kids to help themselves. Only rule is it stays in the kitchen or on the deck. Maybe kids are getting conflicting messages. I like it when others are comfortable in my home.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2023 17:08     Subject: Rude kids
If the kid is old enough to ride home with a parent, the kid is old enough to basic manners. Kids know to ask to go to the bathroom in school. They should know enough to ask where the bathroom is when they are a guest in someone’s house.

When I invite kids over, there is 100% chance there is a snack. I’ve never had a kid open my refrigerator, ever. I may tell the kid to open. Fortunately, my kid’s friends are well mannered and polite. They say thank you and please. This is common courtesy. Age and youth have nothing to do with it. Parent need to instill these in kids. Most do. I’ve always had the most polite and well mannered kids in my house and they are always welcomed back. It’s just common decency. Not sure what trailer park you are from.