I agree with OP. I do not want to feel like someone is paying attention to my body size. It is also hard not to feel like someone is saying...I thought of you as a fat person. However, I also think people are trying to be kind so you just have to accept the comment and change the topic quickly.

I'm on team don't say anything.

I was at my thinnest (well, thinnest post baby hah) right after my dad died because I was experiencing horrible anxiety and couldn't eat.

Once I started SSRIs I plumped right up and feel a thousand times better. Having people comment nice things when I felt horrible on the inside was really confusing and hard.

I just went through US border control with my 9 year old passport. The agent (a man, of course) said “is that you” when comparing my photo to my appearance. I said, “yes” and he says “you look so much older than that photo.”

Ouch!

One of the best things I ever learned is that there is always something better you can say to a person than to comment on their appearance than to comment on how they look. The social reflex to comment on appearance, and particularly weight, is so ingrained that it can take a conscious act of will NOT to do that, but it's worth the effort not only in avoiding harm but in taking a step towards healthier relationships. I'm with you, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if I see you and I think you look great I’m not supposed to say anything?

Yes!! You can say “you look great” but then just move on!

Actually no. Not if when I was overweight, you never spoke to me! And we’ve been seeing each other for years. Why didn’t you speak to me when I was fat? Are you now speaking to me because I’m thin?

Just keep the same energy. If we weren’t friends, colleagues or had any type of relationship when I was fat, don’t suddenly see me now that I’m thin and be all in my business. Taking bout “I look great!”! I looked great before. In fact I probably looked better.

So unless someone has shared their weight loss journey with you, don’t comment on people’s bodies.

Anonymous wrote:Resiliency is a powerful skill. I recommend it for everyone.

Seriously!

Bottom line is the only way to be “safe” is to not mention anything or ask how someone’s doing or worse, what they do or where they’re from. Just smile and nod. It’s getting ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if I see you and I think you look great I’m not supposed to say anything?

Yes!! You can say “you look great” but then just move on!

Np. I learned the hard way not to even say this! In her mind, it meant “I didn’t look great before?” Everyone takes it differently and we’re not mind readers.

Resiliency is a powerful skill. I recommend it for everyone.

OP I respect your feelings, but also think people say things without thinking (no that doesn't make it right) but comments like this often come from a good place. I lost 180 lbs, several years ago without any medications for those wondering, and had two surgeries to remove loose skin. I got comments daily and frequently over the course of the 18 months that I was dropping weight. While I didn't always like being the subject of discussion, I also knew that my coworkers, neighbors and family/friends were just happy for me and very supportive.

I just tell people they look really healthy. Sometimes I can't tell if someone lost weight or colored their hair or got botox. And I don't need to know.

Sorry, OP. I recently mentioned her weight loss to a friend I hadn't seen in a long time, and I immediately regretted it, when I saw she wasn't comfortable.

PP 8:12. Also rules of etiquette here: never tell anyone they look tired. So so insulting and what is the recipient to do with this PSA? I’ll tell you; I’ll be instantly upset because I’m NOT particularly tired today.

Never tell anyone they look tired!

Team Please Don’t Comment!

I’m thin and recovered from an ED but during times of stress, I literally can’t eat. It’s a struggle and I have depression/take meds/exercise but my weight fluctuates.

Just as you wouldn’t dare tell someone they look fat/have gained weight/clothes are too tight, please don’t tell me I look skinny/I’ve lost weight/my clothes are hanging on me.

Believe me, I know and I’m dealing. Thanks for your concern.

DP. Sincere thanks to the PPs who already don’t do this/get it. I just don’t wanna talk about it.

Anonymous wrote:So if I see you and I think you look great I’m not supposed to say anything?

Yes!! You can say “you look great” but then just move on!