Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

The ILs don’t celebrate Christmas. The fact that they don’t celebrate Christmas does not mean they get automatic dibs on Thanksgiving every year. Obviously the train has gone pretty far down the tracks for OP to start going to thanksgiving at the ILs every other year, but I think she would have been fine to do that from the outset. And I’m sorry but having great holiday memories is a thing, as opposed to a crappy Thanksgiving that your kids hate, which is something they hang onto through adulthood as the holiday they don’t like because it was never enjoyable. Life is too short for this martyrdom at the holidays. Visit ILs for another long weekend that isn’t tied to a holiday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

What does her DH want to do? Why is this all about what OP wants?

Because OP does all the work would be my guess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

This is the compromise. But I admit the "we dont want to travel over the holidays' would piss me off a little and they may be finding themselves at home a bit more often doing whatever they wanted. Alone. Why do parents think that they get to be catered to at the holidays? We nipped that sh-- in the bud years ago. We are the ones with kids (us and siblings) so you can come to us or we will see you at another time of the year. Take care.

Have you spent much time with older people? Especially those over 80? Travel is stressful, they move slower, and their energy levels are lower. I know it’s hard to travel with kids, been there, done that. But as someone whose parents are in the age range mentioned, they truly aren’t able to make those kinds of trips. Especially during the busy holiday travel season.

I come from immigrants on both sides with many of them still alive. We also have 4 sets of elderly parents, some with significant health problems. This preceded those health problems, however. They insisted on their traditions since we were married. We're simply not traveling for the holidays as we have the kids and we want our traditions too. We can see them before or after, or they can find a way to come (we've also offered to pay before and they are housed and fed for free).

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

What does her DH want to do? Why is this all about what OP wants?

Anonymous wrote:You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Then what about Christmas?

You never do thanksgiving with your side of the family. I think you rotate. Go with your family this year his next.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

This is the compromise. But I admit the "we dont want to travel over the holidays' would piss me off a little and they may be finding themselves at home a bit more often doing whatever they wanted. Alone. Why do parents think that they get to be catered to at the holidays? We nipped that sh-- in the bud years ago. We are the ones with kids (us and siblings) so you can come to us or we will see you at another time of the year. Take care.

Have you spent much time with older people? Especially those over 80? Travel is stressful, they move slower, and their energy levels are lower. I know it’s hard to travel with kids, been there, done that. But as someone whose parents are in the age range mentioned, they truly aren’t able to make those kinds of trips. Especially during the busy holiday travel season.

While nice in theory, I have found the combined family events lacking. Families will play nice and try to make it work, but in the end one side will feel slighted. One family will feel like interlopers no matter what they say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can alternate Thanksgiving. Go to your parents’ home this year, and DH’s parents next year. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but it’s unfair of them not to be understanding.

Go and enjoy!

This is the compromise. But I admit the "we dont want to travel over the holidays' would piss me off a little and they may be finding themselves at home a bit more often doing whatever they wanted. Alone. Why do parents think that they get to be catered to at the holidays? We nipped that sh-- in the bud years ago. We are the ones with kids (us and siblings) so you can come to us or we will see you at another time of the year. Take care.

Um, one of them is 82. Your punitive vitriol might be better saved for a 65yo.

But this is a good lesson - be flexible when you can so you're relatives will be happier to accommodate when you are actually less flexible and older..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awww...
Bummer!

DH and I are only children so when our kids are older they will probably have this conversation with us. I hope we'll be able to handle it.

Be active, interesting, flexible, and fun-loving. Don’t expect to watch Fox News and sit on the couch all day, yelling at the kids to be quiet every 5 minutes, and you’ll be fine. Be a helpful grandparent who doesn’t act like legitimate food allergies are “fads,” don’t push candy right before bedtime, and don’t act put-upon when no one wants to hear you talk about your neighbor’s garden or other boring crap. You’ll be fine as long as you don’t act super old and expect young people to be interested in that.

We can try. Some of these things, I can't see us doing. But then again, we'll be old. And boring, I suspect, as we're a little boring now. With no cousins around to play with.
Oh well, no need to borrow trouble, I guess.

Why have you decided to be boring?

My ILs are set in their ways and expect my kids to care about ancestral discussion and textile museums. My parents learned how to play Dragonvale, take my kids to the water park, and read the books my daughters are reading so they can discuss. DECIDE to be fun, and you will be.

Sure, we can do those things, but at 79yo? Maybe we won't be so sharp?

Well, be sure to worry and moan about it now!

Suck it up.

Go for Thursday. Eat and overnight.

Find another activity for the family Friday Saturday and Sunday.

Also--Why do kids have to be entertained constantly?
As kids we had to self entertain ourselves.

Much of life is boring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whats wrong with having them spend thanksgiving together with aunt? You invited them, they declined. You can still go to your parents. I dont see an issue with this.

She will want to go to her panthers for Christmas too is the issue.

So? They don’t want to travel during busy times but expect everyone else to travel to them? They don’t celebrate Christmas so why would it be an issue to still spend Xmas with the people that do? It’s one holiday, one year. We are allowed to change things up and spend time differently, just because something has been done one way in the past doesn’t mean it always has to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awww...
Bummer!

DH and I are only children so when our kids are older they will probably have this conversation with us. I hope we'll be able to handle it.

Be active, interesting, flexible, and fun-loving. Don’t expect to watch Fox News and sit on the couch all day, yelling at the kids to be quiet every 5 minutes, and you’ll be fine. Be a helpful grandparent who doesn’t act like legitimate food allergies are “fads,” don’t push candy right before bedtime, and don’t act put-upon when no one wants to hear you talk about your neighbor’s garden or other boring crap. You’ll be fine as long as you don’t act super old and expect young people to be interested in that.

We can try. Some of these things, I can't see us doing. But then again, we'll be old. And boring, I suspect, as we're a little boring now. With no cousins around to play with.
Oh well, no need to borrow trouble, I guess.

Why have you decided to be boring?

My ILs are set in their ways and expect my kids to care about ancestral discussion and textile museums. My parents learned how to play Dragonvale, take my kids to the water park, and read the books my daughters are reading so they can discuss. DECIDE to be fun, and you will be.

Sure, we can do those things, but at 79yo? Maybe we won't be so sharp?

Yes, I would go to their house. Depending on health, they sound like they may not be a candidate for traveling, especially on a holiday.

It's one holiday, and it's ok if kids are a little bored for one holiday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awww...
Bummer!

DH and I are only children so when our kids are older they will probably have this conversation with us. I hope we'll be able to handle it.

Be active, interesting, flexible, and fun-loving. Don’t expect to watch Fox News and sit on the couch all day, yelling at the kids to be quiet every 5 minutes, and you’ll be fine. Be a helpful grandparent who doesn’t act like legitimate food allergies are “fads,” don’t push candy right before bedtime, and don’t act put-upon when no one wants to hear you talk about your neighbor’s garden or other boring crap. You’ll be fine as long as you don’t act super old and expect young people to be interested in that.

We can try. Some of these things, I can't see us doing. But then again, we'll be old. And boring, I suspect, as we're a little boring now. With no cousins around to play with.
Oh well, no need to borrow trouble, I guess.

Why have you decided to be boring?

My ILs are set in their ways and expect my kids to care about ancestral discussion and textile museums. My parents learned how to play Dragonvale, take my kids to the water park, and read the books my daughters are reading so they can discuss. DECIDE to be fun, and you will be.