Anonymous
10/06/2023 16:07
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:The OP didn’t mention anything about the in laws were terrible human beings. Seems like the introverts are out today 😀
They don’t have to be “terrible human beings” to be exhibited terribly rude behavior.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 15:40
Subject: Re:I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Totally fine to let the husband pass the message to ILs that you are done for the day and are resting. And totally fine for your DH to bring you a cup of tea and a sandwich to your room.
Either people want more protocol (they expect hostess to greet and host — in which case they wait for an invitation or confirm the visit with the hosts) OR they consider themselves so close they do not want any protocol (they do not confirm the visit and should not expect hostess to be available to greet and host).
All of this, exactly.
+2
Anonymous
10/06/2023 15:32
Subject: Re:I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Totally fine to let the husband pass the message to ILs that you are done for the day and are resting. And totally fine for your DH to bring you a cup of tea and a sandwich to your room.
Either people want more protocol (they expect hostess to greet and host — in which case they wait for an invitation or confirm the visit with the hosts) OR they consider themselves so close they do not want any protocol (they do not confirm the visit and should not expect hostess to be available to greet and host).
All of this, exactly.
YES pp!! Exactly. Amen.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 15:26
Subject: Re:I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Totally fine to let the husband pass the message to ILs that you are done for the day and are resting. And totally fine for your DH to bring you a cup of tea and a sandwich to your room.
Either people want more protocol (they expect hostess to greet and host — in which case they wait for an invitation or confirm the visit with the hosts) OR they consider themselves so close they do not want any protocol (they do not confirm the visit and should not expect hostess to be available to greet and host).
All of this, exactly.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 15:10
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Its no big deal but you seem to want to escalate it to be. Just go out, let them know that you are feeling down, grab a snack, excuse yourself. They are family, it would've been rude for your DH to make them park and leave.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 14:38
Subject: Re:I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
My husband is an introvert. He will always excuse himself politely and disappear. Our friends and family understand that he’s an introvert. Since I’m an extrovert I keep them engaged. DH has never once worried whether this is OK.
OP’s problem is that she is worried about pleasing the pop in and bait in switch people. OP you have to not care what they think.
OP’s problem is that she is worried about pleasing the pop in and bait in switch people. OP you have to not care what they think.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 14:31
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
The OP didn’t mention anything about the in laws were terrible human beings. Seems like the introverts are out today 😀
Anonymous
10/06/2023 14:03
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
I respect a wide latitude of boundary setting for anyone when it comes to deadling with their in laws -- and their own parents for that matter. My sibling's spouse has definitely hidden in their house and convinced my sibling to go along and pretended that no one was at their home when one of their parents showed up at the door. It is admittedly childish, but those of you without difficult parents or in-laws can't truly understand. Sometimes you just don't have the energy to deal with these people, and hiding from them is sometimes the only way to survive.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 13:56
Subject: Re:I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Totally fine to let the husband pass the message to ILs that you are done for the day and are resting. And totally fine for your DH to bring you a cup of tea and a sandwich to your room.
Either people want more protocol (they expect hostess to greet and host — in which case they wait for an invitation or confirm the visit with the hosts) OR they consider themselves so close they do not want any protocol (they do not confirm the visit and should not expect hostess to be available to greet and host).
This! They are getting to spend time with DH and OP is getting the time/rest she needs. Everyone is fine.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 13:34
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.
Grow up.
Found the rude, pushy in-law.
DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.
So, yes, grow up.
Answer: She doesn't want to. And she is not required to do so. And that is a valid position.
Do you routinely show up unannounced and sit around someone else's house? Because, that's rude af.
Some of you are really just looking for reasons to be upset. These aren't random people. These are the parents of her husband.
Yes, and? It was still rude of them to say they were coming by for a very quick errand, and to park it on the couch, acting as if they are owed entertainment by tired parents with a baby. I would never do that, not to my siblings, not to my parents, not to my kids.
If you want to come over for a visit, you ask. You don’t assume, you don’t impose: you ask.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 13:26
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.
Grow up.
Found the rude, pushy in-law.
DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.
So, yes, grow up.
Answer: She doesn't want to. And she is not required to do so. And that is a valid position.
Do you routinely show up unannounced and sit around someone else's house? Because, that's rude af.
Some of you are really just looking for reasons to be upset. These aren't random people. These are the parents of her husband.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 13:25
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
This just seems insane. You can't go downstairs in your pajamas? Just go down, be a normal human being, get a drink of water and say you're sorry - that you have a headache and want to lie down.
I say this as someone who thinks it's completely fine of you not to interact with them, but to behave like you're somehow trapped in your room makes zero sense.
You mentioned a funeral...maybe they're sad? And want to be with family? I don't know.
I say this as someone who thinks it's completely fine of you not to interact with them, but to behave like you're somehow trapped in your room makes zero sense.
You mentioned a funeral...maybe they're sad? And want to be with family? I don't know.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 13:17
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.
Grow up.
Found the rude, pushy in-law.
DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.
So, yes, grow up.
Answer: She doesn't want to. And she is not required to do so. And that is a valid position.
Do you routinely show up unannounced and sit around someone else's house? Because, that's rude af.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 12:07
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.
Grow up.
Found the rude, pushy in-law.
DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.
So, yes, grow up.
Another DP here. I agree. In OP's shoes, I would put in a robe, go down and greet them. Announce that I am about to eat and ask them if they would like something to eat or drink? (This is just good manners, they would probably turn the offer down). I would then eat, drink, hang out if I wanted to, and then bid them goodnight and go up with the baby. It is absolutely ok to tell them that you are going to lie down with the baby.
I fail to understand why this is a big deal? Your ILs are like your parents and they are the parents of your spouse. Why do they need to stand on ceremony and be formal with you? They are not insisting that you greet them wearing formal clothes and serve them. Why are you so upset?
Oh come on. Now, I think what OP is doing is fine, given how strung out she is, but also don't think her greeting them quickly and then "needing to lie down" would be a big deal either.
BUT, it is very rare to have as close of a relationship with your in-laws that you do with your parents. Your in-laws didn't change you when you were a baby, take you on field trips, deal with your obnoxious teenager years, etc. etc. It's just an entirely different ballgame.
Also, my in-laws are extremely formal people. If I came downstairs in my PJs/not ready to host, everyone would be uncomfortable. Me, them, my husband, baby.
Anonymous
10/06/2023 12:01
Subject: I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.
Grow up.
Found the rude, pushy in-law.
DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.
So, yes, grow up.
Another DP here. I agree. In OP's shoes, I would put in a robe, go down and greet them. Announce that I am about to eat and ask them if they would like something to eat or drink? (This is just good manners, they would probably turn the offer down). I would then eat, drink, hang out if I wanted to, and then bid them goodnight and go up with the baby. It is absolutely ok to tell them that you are going to lie down with the baby.
I fail to understand why this is a big deal? Your ILs are like your parents and they are the parents of your spouse. Why do they need to stand on ceremony and be formal with you? They are not insisting that you greet them wearing formal clothes and serve them. Why are you so upset?
<sigh> How can you not know that not everyone believes what you believe? My ILs are not like my parents. We have radically different expectations. Respecting boundaries is the only way we are able to maintain a neutral relationship. Coming into my home without an invitation crosses a boundary. While I wouldn't ask them to leave, I am not engaging with them as if they had been invited. My DH is welcome to. His choice.