Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

You're an a$$ because you don't know your employee's situation and your projecting your opinions of what you'd do onto her.
I can see why your DIL wouldn't want you around for the birth.

+1, knowing it's the boss totally changes my response.

You don't get to decide which personal situations merit time off for employees who want to use their vacation/personal time. You can reject a vacation request if you want, but it should be based on actual business needs and not your judgement of their reason for using their time.

If you would approve this request for someone else with a family event you deem more important, you should approve it in this situation. No one cares what you would do for your DIL or not.

That would be MILs decision - not MIL's manager's decision. This is 100% not you call to make.

I don't even care for my MIL that much, but she absolutely was welcome to meet her grandchild on day 1.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to read. Op is the manager. Not the dil or mil.

People often just respond to the first post. It's good forum etiquette to include all the relevant info there, otherwise the thread will be cluttered by irrelevant answers.

OP, next time make sure to say everything in your first post.

It was written and communicated so poorly I wonder what kind of manager OP is to her staff.

I'd invent a DIL giving birth to get out of a week-long offsite work event.

Anonymous wrote:People need to read. Op is the manager. Not the dil or mil.

I'm loving all the replies saying that OP, the manager of a business, should call the DIL to find out whether she wants her MIL at the birth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that when people think OP is the MIL they are like "OMG ask the DIL if she even wants you there I would never want my MIL at the birth" but as she's the manager and the employee is the MIL the answers are "OMG it's her grandchild, of course she should be there, you ATA."

No, the answers once we know she's the manager are "mind your own business, if she wants to be there YOU aren't the one to decide."

Oh, ok. So a MIL gets to decide if she wants to be there? Good to know.

Where did pp say the MIL gets to decide? She said the OP does not get to decide.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that when people think OP is the MIL they are like "OMG ask the DIL if she even wants you there I would never want my MIL at the birth" but as she's the manager and the employee is the MIL the answers are "OMG it's her grandchild, of course she should be there, you ATA."

No, the answers once we know she's the manager are "mind your own business, if she wants to be there YOU aren't the one to decide."

Oh, ok. So a MIL gets to decide if she wants to be there? Good to know.

MIL gets to decide if she wants to take a day off. Take your MIL issues elsewhere, they aren't relevant here.

Yes, I'd take off for my DIL. It's about my grandchild being born, not whether it's my son or daughter.

Anonymous wrote:People need to read. Op is the manager. Not the dil or mil.

People often just respond to the first post. It's good forum etiquette to include all the relevant info there, otherwise the thread will be cluttered by irrelevant answers.

OP, next time make sure to say everything in your first post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks everyone. To clarify, I’m the manager and the situation involves an employee who is skipping work offsite for birth of grandchild (who may or may not be born by the time the offsite is over). I realize, I’m probably being an A$$. But I wouldn’t take off work for my daughter in law. I’d do it for my own daughter.

You're an a$$ because you don't know your employee's situation and your projecting your opinions of what you'd do onto her.
I can see why your DIL wouldn't want you around for the birth.

Plus 1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, the framing of this from the subject line messed everything up.

This situation is not about the DIL/MIL relationship at all. It is about a parent to somebody who is about to become a parent.

No right or wrong there, but the DIL is not the most relevant party in this sitation.

????

If the DIL actually doesn't want to see MIL for the first week, then maybe MIL should know that before asking for leave for the wrong week. IDIOT.
Of course it's about what the DIL wants. OP should ask her.

Maybe the MIL wants to be available for her son? Maybe she has no intention of going to the hospital for the delivery at all?

Yes of course EVERYONE should respect a new mother's wishes about the delivery. But I do think that the other parent may also need some support. What if something goes wrong? I would not want to be far away from my own child (even if "just" the father) in that scenario.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that when people think OP is the MIL they are like "OMG ask the DIL if she even wants you there I would never want my MIL at the birth" but as she's the manager and the employee is the MIL the answers are "OMG it's her grandchild, of course she should be there, you ATA."

No, the answers once we know she's the manager are "mind your own business, if she wants to be there YOU aren't the one to decide."

Oh, ok. So a MIL gets to decide if she wants to be there? Good to know.

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that when people think OP is the MIL they are like "OMG ask the DIL if she even wants you there I would never want my MIL at the birth" but as she's the manager and the employee is the MIL the answers are "OMG it's her grandchild, of course she should be there, you ATA."

No, the answers once we know she's the manager are "mind your own business, if she wants to be there YOU aren't the one to decide."

It's funny that when people think OP is the MIL they are like "OMG ask the DIL if she even wants you there I would never want my MIL at the birth" but as she's the manager and the employee is the MIL the answers are "OMG it's her grandchild, of course she should be there, you ATA."

People need to read. Op is the manager. Not the dil or mil.