Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She doesn't take any medications (no birth control pills).
I really don't think she's buying snacks or food on a regular basis. She goes to a private school and they don't sell snacks and she doesn't walk anywhere to buy junk food.
I've definitely thought about this possibility--but I'm just not seeing any evidence of it (no wrappers, no receipts, no charges on her card.) Plus we don't shame food--we're not a no-junk household (although recently I've been cutting way back) so there's no reason she would go to great lengths to hide junk food.

Does she have a boyfriend? When I was in serious with my boyfriend in HS I went to planned parenthood and put myself on the pill so I wouldn’t have to talk to my mom about it. Think about the possibility of she’s put herself on the pill. I did gain a bunch of weight back then because of it but I can’t remember all the details 25+ years later.

+1

I did the exact same thing. Did not tell my mom. Do not remember gaining weight, but many do with certain pills. Even if she doesn’t have a boyfriend, maybe she could have gotten on BC “just in case”? It wasn’t uncommon when I was a teen, and I doubt it is any less so now.

Serious question. If she was the size she is now, and over the course of the next year rapidly lost weight in the manner she has gained without modifying her food intake or exercise would you be this concerned about her health? Would you be lamenting that you can’t continue to buy new clothing as she changes sizes? Think seriously about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 17, not 7. You need to have a conversation about it. This isn’t a situation where you can say the wrong thing and ruin everything.

Her body may just be different from yours. There’s nothing she can’t do as a size 12, including play sports.

Or there’s something wrong medically and/or eating-wise.

It’s 99.5% out of your hands. She’s nearly an adult and it’s her body. So just have a conversation about it and wrap your head around it being mostly out of your control for more than one reason.

np I couldn't disagree more. I'm sure the dd has eyes and knows she has gained weight. As an almost an adult she doesn't need her parents to shame her about her weight. Let the doctor take the lead. Say nothing. If she brings it up than you can mention something but, do not make it an issue.

For background history and why I am sensitive about weight: My mom was always harping on my weight. Look if telling someone that they need to lose weight actually helped people lose weight we would all be skinny. It does not. It is very hurtful to believe that your parents seem not to love you because of how you look. My mom always said it was "about my health" but, that was a lie. My mom is extreme case but, if you value your relationship tread very very carefully.

+1. I would really tread very carefully about this. Some of the comments you’ve made are very hurtful, like the idea that you bought her size 10-12 clothes that you consider “temporary” as though that size isn’t allowed to be her permanent size or anything and that it’s outside of what could be considered normal. Of course you should take her to get checked and see if there is something medical going on that requires treatment (other posters have given examples). But there are others who do not have other health conditions other than our bodies just have stockier shapes and set points just as some people have various other body characteristics that just exist like being more hairy or having short nailbeds or flat feet or food allergies. But somehow weight is something we judge and shame people about as though it’s entirely in their control and we all start from the same place (we don’t).

OP here. You've completely misconstrued my post. NEVER did i say that I told my daughter that buying larger clothing was a "temporary" fix. In my mind it is. I have never, ever, ever said it out loud to my kid or implied it or anything of the sort.
Leave it to DCUM to misconstrue a post, assume the worst about something and then chastise the poster about it.

Also, it's the "buying larger clothing" that is a short term fix. Not the size 10-12 clothing that is "temporary."
I can't keep continually buying her new clothing in a new size every 6 months. I mean, I guess could (and I would if it came to that) but that doesn't seem to be a long-term fix to this concern.

If her feet were still growing would you say you couldn’t keep buying her shoes that fit? What the actual heck? She might continue to need different clothing. I never said that you made those comments to her. The fact that you’re annoyed you need to buy her clothing you consider too large is the issue. The long term fix is ruling out any medical problems and ensuring she has clothing to wear in whatever size she is. Saying you can’t continue to buy her appropriately fitting clothing is abusive. What’s the alternative? You make her squeeze into a size that you feel she should aspire to? You control her food like a toddler? Try to focus on helping her not freaking out that she doesn’t have the good fortune to have a slim body like you.

what the ever-loving f*&(k is wrong with you? You are being incredibly concrete and stupid or just misconstruing what I wrote to be an a$$.

I typed out this post because I care deeply about my daughter and am looking for ideas or solutions to what is turning into a complex concern. In the short term, i have (and will continue to) buy her appropriately fitting clothing that makes her feel good about herself. I do not view buying her a new wardrobe every 6 months indefinitely as a long-term fix to the weight game issue. Never did I say I will suddenly stop buying clothing if she keep gaining.

Thank you. Now leave me alone--you have serious issues.

If you know it’s not an eating issue that leaves only a few possibilities:

- she’s taking a medication you don’t know about
- medical issue
- this is just her natural weight

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She doesn't take any medications (no birth control pills).
I really don't think she's buying snacks or food on a regular basis. She goes to a private school and they don't sell snacks and she doesn't walk anywhere to buy junk food.
I've definitely thought about this possibility--but I'm just not seeing any evidence of it (no wrappers, no receipts, no charges on her card.) Plus we don't shame food--we're not a no-junk household (although recently I've been cutting way back) so there's no reason she would go to great lengths to hide junk food.

Does she have a boyfriend? When I was in serious with my boyfriend in HS I went to planned parenthood and put myself on the pill so I wouldn’t have to talk to my mom about it. Think about the possibility of she’s put herself on the pill. I did gain a bunch of weight back then because of it but I can’t remember all the details 25+ years later.

OP, this or edibles is the most likely if it is not PCOS or thyroid.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She doesn't take any medications (no birth control pills).
I really don't think she's buying snacks or food on a regular basis. She goes to a private school and they don't sell snacks and she doesn't walk anywhere to buy junk food.
I've definitely thought about this possibility--but I'm just not seeing any evidence of it (no wrappers, no receipts, no charges on her card.) Plus we don't shame food--we're not a no-junk household (although recently I've been cutting way back) so there's no reason she would go to great lengths to hide junk food.

Does she have a boyfriend? When I was in serious with my boyfriend in HS I went to planned parenthood and put myself on the pill so I wouldn’t have to talk to my mom about it. Think about the possibility of she’s put herself on the pill. I did gain a bunch of weight back then because of it but I can’t remember all the details 25+ years later.

^ I also think the level of training I was doing from age 8-16 was intense. We ran non-stop—almost until we threw up. Played 5 games full 90 min each tournaments. So I think my eating probably was the same when I dropped club soccer. Hence part of the reason combined with no longer growing.

I was your daughter. I was a thin and active kid. Travel soccer on a national winning team. Played year round up until 10th grade and then just HS soccer. I also ran/jogged.

From 9th to 10th grade my face ballooned and weight started packing on. It was from about 16-20 years old. I didn’t look “fat” per se. It was proportional with muscle tone- but got up to a 12. I truly think it was hormonal.

I’m my 20s it all came off my face thinned out and I’m 53 and the sane weight, size 4 since then. 2 kids and I can fit into clothes from 2000. I recently went on progesterone only BC due to heavy periods and gained like 8 pounds since the summer-not doing anything different. Still exercising and my boobs ballooned. I gained close to 50 pounds (and worked out, ate healthy) with each pregnancy. Took it off by 4 months after ea h time.

I definitely have some reaction with hormones.

This exact thing happened to our son and the doctors, including specialists, are flummoxed. 20-30lb gains three years in a row, very little growth in height.

You are a good mom OP for being concerned about this while also knowing you need to tread carefully.

I would not say anything to your daughter until after the doctors appointment. Email the doc beforehand and let them know about the situation. Then follow the doctors lead on this one.

Return the scale you bought! If your doctor says to buy one, then you buy one.

Best of luck to you! Parenting teens is not easy.

OP did you post about this before? There was another 5'4 soccer playing teen who was gaining weight and DCUM advised the mom not to approach her about it. But now it seems past time to talk to her about it and consult a doctor.

P.S. I agree you have to treat this gently. My mom and stepdad did not.

For me, celiac presented as weight gain starting when I was 17 (in addition to preexisting stomach issues). It’s more commonly associated with unexplained weight loss but that was not my case. No changes in diet or activity.

Other possibilities:
Hormone issues like PCOS or BCP use that others have suggested
Thyroid
Was she restricting food before to stay at 144? Maybe she was and that messed up her metabolism. Bulimia also can result in weight gain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 17, not 7. You need to have a conversation about it. This isn’t a situation where you can say the wrong thing and ruin everything.

Her body may just be different from yours. There’s nothing she can’t do as a size 12, including play sports.

Or there’s something wrong medically and/or eating-wise.

It’s 99.5% out of your hands. She’s nearly an adult and it’s her body. So just have a conversation about it and wrap your head around it being mostly out of your control for more than one reason.

np I couldn't disagree more. I'm sure the dd has eyes and knows she has gained weight. As an almost an adult she doesn't need her parents to shame her about her weight. Let the doctor take the lead. Say nothing. If she brings it up than you can mention something but, do not make it an issue.

For background history and why I am sensitive about weight: My mom was always harping on my weight. Look if telling someone that they need to lose weight actually helped people lose weight we would all be skinny. It does not. It is very hurtful to believe that your parents seem not to love you because of how you look. My mom always said it was "about my health" but, that was a lie. My mom is extreme case but, if you value your relationship tread very very carefully.

+1. I would really tread very carefully about this. Some of the comments you’ve made are very hurtful, like the idea that you bought her size 10-12 clothes that you consider “temporary” as though that size isn’t allowed to be her permanent size or anything and that it’s outside of what could be considered normal. Of course you should take her to get checked and see if there is something medical going on that requires treatment (other posters have given examples). But there are others who do not have other health conditions other than our bodies just have stockier shapes and set points just as some people have various other body characteristics that just exist like being more hairy or having short nailbeds or flat feet or food allergies. But somehow weight is something we judge and shame people about as though it’s entirely in their control and we all start from the same place (we don’t).

OP here. You've completely misconstrued my post. NEVER did i say that I told my daughter that buying larger clothing was a "temporary" fix. In my mind it is. I have never, ever, ever said it out loud to my kid or implied it or anything of the sort.
Leave it to DCUM to misconstrue a post, assume the worst about something and then chastise the poster about it.

Also, it's the "buying larger clothing" that is a short term fix. Not the size 10-12 clothing that is "temporary."
I can't keep continually buying her new clothing in a new size every 6 months. I mean, I guess could (and I would if it came to that) but that doesn't seem to be a long-term fix to this concern.

If her feet were still growing would you say you couldn’t keep buying her shoes that fit? What the actual heck? She might continue to need different clothing. I never said that you made those comments to her. The fact that you’re annoyed you need to buy her clothing you consider too large is the issue. The long term fix is ruling out any medical problems and ensuring she has clothing to wear in whatever size she is. Saying you can’t continue to buy her appropriately fitting clothing is abusive. What’s the alternative? You make her squeeze into a size that you feel she should aspire to? You control her food like a toddler? Try to focus on helping her not freaking out that she doesn’t have the good fortune to have a slim body like you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 17, not 7. You need to have a conversation about it. This isn’t a situation where you can say the wrong thing and ruin everything.

Her body may just be different from yours. There’s nothing she can’t do as a size 12, including play sports.

Or there’s something wrong medically and/or eating-wise.

It’s 99.5% out of your hands. She’s nearly an adult and it’s her body. So just have a conversation about it and wrap your head around it being mostly out of your control for more than one reason.

np I couldn't disagree more. I'm sure the dd has eyes and knows she has gained weight. As an almost an adult she doesn't need her parents to shame her about her weight. Let the doctor take the lead. Say nothing. If she brings it up than you can mention something but, do not make it an issue.

For background history and why I am sensitive about weight: My mom was always harping on my weight. Look if telling someone that they need to lose weight actually helped people lose weight we would all be skinny. It does not. It is very hurtful to believe that your parents seem not to love you because of how you look. My mom always said it was "about my health" but, that was a lie. My mom is extreme case but, if you value your relationship tread very very carefully.

+1. I would really tread very carefully about this. Some of the comments you’ve made are very hurtful, like the idea that you bought her size 10-12 clothes that you consider “temporary” as though that size isn’t allowed to be her permanent size or anything and that it’s outside of what could be considered normal. Of course you should take her to get checked and see if there is something medical going on that requires treatment (other posters have given examples). But there are others who do not have other health conditions other than our bodies just have stockier shapes and set points just as some people have various other body characteristics that just exist like being more hairy or having short nailbeds or flat feet or food allergies. But somehow weight is something we judge and shame people about as though it’s entirely in their control and we all start from the same place (we don’t).

OP here. You've completely misconstrued my post. NEVER did i say that I told my daughter that buying larger clothing was a "temporary" fix. In my mind it is. I have never, ever, ever said it out loud to my kid or implied it or anything of the sort.
Leave it to DCUM to misconstrue a post, assume the worst about something and then chastise the poster about it.

Also, it's the "buying larger clothing" that is a short term fix. Not the size 10-12 clothing that is "temporary."
I can't keep continually buying her new clothing in a new size every 6 months. I mean, I guess could (and I would if it came to that) but that doesn't seem to be a long-term fix to this concern.