Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most south Asians send a lot of money back home and are some of the biggest donors for political candidates and other disaster relief efforts. I’m in the Pakistani American community in Nova and I can tell you every wealthy Pakistani American is an active citizen and a major donor for various causes locally, nationally and internationally as well. A large percentage of the money is sent back home to help extended family members or community and other disaster relief efforts.

Yes, we like nice things and status and wealth but we also believe in giving back.

Lol you personally know every wealthy Pakistani American and they all donate? Ok

Actually yes, I’m in the Pakistani-American society in Nova. We are comprised of doctors, lawyers, business owners, real estate developers, tech executives and other entrepreneurs. We are a vibrant and social bunch. We love to throw fabulous parties and donate to good causes.

Unless you are standing over their shoulders as they write checks or push submit on charity websites, you can't know for sure how much anyone is giving or not. And you can't be sure that it is ALL going back to the home country. There are definitely causes I support from my parents' home country (South Asia but not Pakistan), yet I'll support them to the order of $50, while giving $5000 to some other cause here in the US that matters more to me. All I'm saying is you can't know for sure.

Anonymous wrote:Most south Asians send a lot of money back home and are some of the biggest donors for political candidates and other disaster relief efforts. I’m in the Pakistani American community in Nova and I can tell you every wealthy Pakistani American is an active citizen and a major donor for various causes locally, nationally and internationally as well. A large percentage of the money is sent back home to help extended family members or community and other disaster relief efforts.

Yes, we like nice things and status and wealth but we also believe in giving back.

Huh? Doesn't Pakistani-American mean born and raised in America but of Pakistani origin? Really EVERY one of those people with money is a MAJOR donor and sending money back home? I don't believe that at all. The elders who immigrated here - sure they probably are donating their money back home. But for those of us born and raised in the US, sure may we may send some charity back to our family's country, we are also committed to the causes that matter here - whether that's local food banks or Legal Aid or whatever. I for one refuse to send ALL my charitable contributions back to my parents' country, much to their chagrin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most south Asians send a lot of money back home and are some of the biggest donors for political candidates and other disaster relief efforts. I’m in the Pakistani American community in Nova and I can tell you every wealthy Pakistani American is an active citizen and a major donor for various causes locally, nationally and internationally as well. A large percentage of the money is sent back home to help extended family members or community and other disaster relief efforts.

Yes, we like nice things and status and wealth but we also believe in giving back.

Lol you personally know every wealthy Pakistani American and they all donate? Ok

Actually yes, I’m in the Pakistani-American society in Nova. We are comprised of doctors, lawyers, business owners, real estate developers, tech executives and other entrepreneurs. We are a vibrant and social bunch. We love to throw fabulous parties and donate to good causes.

Anonymous wrote:It’s clear that you all make good money, like your material things and like to brag.

Since you’re so open about your money can you all share your charitable contributions? I would assume you give back to the people in your countries that still suffer from the countries archaic ways .

Indian-Am - I donate money the same way my American friends do - organizations in the US, local food banks, disaster relief for wildfires, earthquakes, floods worldwide. I personally don't send money back to India. I just don't feel that connection to the country, likely the same way a second or third generation person whose parents/grandparents came from Ireland doesn't feel a HUGE connection to Ireland and the day to day issues there. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:Most south Asians send a lot of money back home and are some of the biggest donors for political candidates and other disaster relief efforts. I’m in the Pakistani American community in Nova and I can tell you every wealthy Pakistani American is an active citizen and a major donor for various causes locally, nationally and internationally as well. A large percentage of the money is sent back home to help extended family members or community and other disaster relief efforts.

Yes, we like nice things and status and wealth but we also believe in giving back.

Lol you personally know every wealthy Pakistani American and they all donate? Ok

Most south Asians send a lot of money back home and are some of the biggest donors for political candidates and other disaster relief efforts. I’m in the Pakistani American community in Nova and I can tell you every wealthy Pakistani American is an active citizen and a major donor for various causes locally, nationally and internationally as well. A large percentage of the money is sent back home to help extended family members or community and other disaster relief efforts.

Yes, we like nice things and status and wealth but we also believe in giving back.

Anonymous wrote:It’s clear that you all make good money, like your material things and like to brag.

Since you’re so open about your money can you all share your charitable contributions? I would assume you give back to the people in your countries that still suffer from the countries archaic ways .

Are you just addressing your question to the people who immigrated here?

Some of us are Indian Americans, so yes, I, at least donate to the people in this country who are suffering from archaic ways.

It’s clear that you all make good money, like your material things and like to brag.

Since you’re so open about your money can you all share your charitable contributions? I would assume you give back to the people in your countries that still suffer from the countries archaic ways .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underachiever here - age 43 - 225k as a lawyer at a financial regulator. Did the biglaw thing for 8 years so I guess I made money there, but not the type of money that associates make now and I had no prayer of making partner. Yes I'm plenty Americanized with ivy degrees and all but coming up for partner in 2008 in NYC didn't help - no one was going to stick their neck out for me and my career never recovered. So here I am stuck in government.

you are not an underachiever....

Objectively I get that but it doesn't feel that way when every uncle in town - and to an extent my own parents - are constantly like partner partner partner, you didn't make partner, after all that money your parents spent sending you to the ivys blah blah. They act like the 2008 recession was a personal failing. Sure I guess it was a personal failing to not want to jump to another firm and slog it out for another 5 years to try to make it, but I just didn't have it in me to work the 80-90 hr NYC weeks for that much longer with no guarantees; another thing these uncles - most of whom never worked more than 40.0 hours a day in their lives in engineering do not understand. (I do understand that many many Indian immigrants slogged out much much longer hours, but the ones judging me were all in engineering and all had the 40 hours and I'm checked out by 5 pm lives.)

You need to live your life per what pleases you. Tell your uncles, parents they are no longer in the “old country” where you’re never good enough as a person if you don’t excel professionally. Life really is very temporary, a game of sorts and sadly the legacy Indian culture is blind to this fact. Refreshingly with newer generations, I’m seeing Indian kids become teachers, journalists, firemen, cops, chefs, etc. The fear factor decreases with each generation.

+1000. I frankly wouldn't even tell them anything bc you can't teach a 70 or 80 year old who isn't willing to learn. Just ignore, live your life, enjoy your great salary and benefits while NOT working 90 hours/week.

But listen sometimes about how unhappy some of these 70-80+ year olds in our community really are. They never lived their own lives - it was all about what THEIR mommies and daddies wanted them to do and then they turned around and hovered over their own kids for the next 30 years. I mean it's sad that an entire generation of elders lived life out of obligation, to impress the Patels or the Khans or whomever, and really don't even know themselves, their own likes/dislikes, don't have any hobbies besides counting money - their own and everyone else's. And now all they can do is sit around and gossip about you - because the only way to feel better is to put someone else down.

I'm super proud of our younger generations - the kids who are currently in their 20s. Their 50 year old parents have backed off to an extent - and if they haven't - these 21 year olds have no problem telling mom and dad to shove it, as they get jobs in urban planning, speech therapy, and whatever else they want to do. Sorry auntie and uncle, not everyone dreams of being an engineer, dr, or lawyer.

I completely agree. I have a lot of sympathy because they had to sacrifice everything and never got to live out their own personal dreams, especially the women. So they transport their unfulfilled ambitions on their children and grandchildren. Moreover they are guilty of wanting to impress friends and neighbors with their kids’ accomplishments. Unfortunately, our parents information about work, college and everything else is so outdated and completely wrong. So it just leads to debates IMO.

I have sympathy in a way and then I don't. I get it - tons of sacrifice, providing for the kids, the women were never allowed to have dreams, frankly the men weren't either bc they were living out whatever lives their parents wanted for them. But some of these people are in their 70s-80s now, meaning their own Indian-American kids launched some 20+ years ago. If they could back off of hovering over their kids' and grandkids' lives and still being soooo concerned with what auntie so and so will think of where their grandson is going to college, they could LIVE NOW. Sure no one can turn back the hands of time and pursue a dream profession that you would have pursued at age 25. But you can have hobbies, travel, write, hike, whatever you want; lots of these people have serious money too - so it's not like financially strapped retirees.

But nope instead they'd rather sit in judgment of everyone and debate issues of work, school, which are COMPLETELY different now than they were in 1985. If I have to debate ONE more time with my parents that hybrid work is not going to last and everyone is going back to the office just like they were in 1998, I will scream. First off they've been retired for decades so they don't get what work is like now. Second off - uh hybrid has lasted on the east coast for 3.5 years + the millennials/Zs have NO fears walking away from a job - even a prestige job if it doesn't give them the LIFE they want. My parents want to debate over and over and over again that absolutely NO ONE would ever leave Goldman Sachs or Skadden ever so of course they'll go back to the office and jump on the employer's command. Sure some % would never leave Goldman or Skadden, but there's another % that HAS left because they've decided they want to do other things, live a different way that they'll enjoy more. Unthinkable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underachiever here - age 43 - 225k as a lawyer at a financial regulator. Did the biglaw thing for 8 years so I guess I made money there, but not the type of money that associates make now and I had no prayer of making partner. Yes I'm plenty Americanized with ivy degrees and all but coming up for partner in 2008 in NYC didn't help - no one was going to stick their neck out for me and my career never recovered. So here I am stuck in government.

you are not an underachiever....

Objectively I get that but it doesn't feel that way when every uncle in town - and to an extent my own parents - are constantly like partner partner partner, you didn't make partner, after all that money your parents spent sending you to the ivys blah blah. They act like the 2008 recession was a personal failing. Sure I guess it was a personal failing to not want to jump to another firm and slog it out for another 5 years to try to make it, but I just didn't have it in me to work the 80-90 hr NYC weeks for that much longer with no guarantees; another thing these uncles - most of whom never worked more than 40.0 hours a day in their lives in engineering do not understand. (I do understand that many many Indian immigrants slogged out much much longer hours, but the ones judging me were all in engineering and all had the 40 hours and I'm checked out by 5 pm lives.)

You need to live your life per what pleases you. Tell your uncles, parents they are no longer in the “old country” where you’re never good enough as a person if you don’t excel professionally. Life really is very temporary, a game of sorts and sadly the legacy Indian culture is blind to this fact. Refreshingly with newer generations, I’m seeing Indian kids become teachers, journalists, firemen, cops, chefs, etc. The fear factor decreases with each generation.

+1000. I frankly wouldn't even tell them anything bc you can't teach a 70 or 80 year old who isn't willing to learn. Just ignore, live your life, enjoy your great salary and benefits while NOT working 90 hours/week.

But listen sometimes about how unhappy some of these 70-80+ year olds in our community really are. They never lived their own lives - it was all about what THEIR mommies and daddies wanted them to do and then they turned around and hovered over their own kids for the next 30 years. I mean it's sad that an entire generation of elders lived life out of obligation, to impress the Patels or the Khans or whomever, and really don't even know themselves, their own likes/dislikes, don't have any hobbies besides counting money - their own and everyone else's. And now all they can do is sit around and gossip about you - because the only way to feel better is to put someone else down.

I'm super proud of our younger generations - the kids who are currently in their 20s. Their 50 year old parents have backed off to an extent - and if they haven't - these 21 year olds have no problem telling mom and dad to shove it, as they get jobs in urban planning, speech therapy, and whatever else they want to do. Sorry auntie and uncle, not everyone dreams of being an engineer, dr, or lawyer.

I completely agree. I have a lot of sympathy because they had to sacrifice everything and never got to live out their own personal dreams, especially the women. So they transport their unfulfilled ambitions on their children and grandchildren. Moreover they are guilty of wanting to impress friends and neighbors with their kids’ accomplishments. Unfortunately, our parents information about work, college and everything else is so outdated and completely wrong. So it just leads to debates IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East Asian dual physician household here chiming in. My husband makes $800-900 and I make about $500-600. We have many many south asian friend couples in this income range as well.

wow which specialities?

We specialize in overbilling patients, medicare, and insurance companies.

+1. That’s the only way to earn that much. Shove 50 patients per doc though the door , numerous and unnecessary tests, etc etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East Asian dual physician household here chiming in. My husband makes $800-900 and I make about $500-600. We have many many south asian friend couples in this income range as well.

wow which specialities?

We specialize in overbilling patients, medicare, and insurance companies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:East Asian dual physician household here chiming in. My husband makes $800-900 and I make about $500-600. We have many many south asian friend couples in this income range as well.

wow which specialities?

where do you live? you must live in the boonies to make that kind of salary. no doctors in big metropolitan areas make that much.

^Ok you’re right I didn’t mean strained relationships in the American sense - no one is estranged, no one is hanging up on dad. But I do know more than one 40+ year old who openly says in front of their parents - I only did medicine bc of you and I hate it and am stuck; you were wrong to force me into med and I shouldn’t have listened, I won’t do it to my kids etc. And the parents either retort back - so what you’re rich bc of us - and/or mom sits there and cries.

I feel like the reason this isn’t known is bc this isn’t happening out in the open for 500 people to see at a party. But you know it if this is your cousin’s family or your best friends family.

Sure these aren’t BADLY strained relationships but yeah there are def Indian families where there are resentments against parents - more resentments than you’d expect from grown adults - bc the parents controlled the kids SO much that the kids feel like they didn’t get to live and now as 40-50 year olds with their own teens they can’t exactly go back and experience their 20s again. May not be common and it isn’t what Indians would call it but I’ve def seen cases of verbal abuse of a parent to a grown child - under the guise of - we’re your elders you HAVE to respect us. We as a community are very successful but doesn’t mean we’re perfect.

Anonymous wrote:East Asian dual physician household here chiming in. My husband makes $800-900 and I make about $500-600. We have many many south asian friend couples in this income range as well.

wow which specialities?