Anonymous wrote:At that age, we were making the kids put their phones away at 10.

Everything else sounds like my daughter. She's chaotic. Good kid, good student, but always some chaos going on, and YES, she favors her social life above everything else.

Do you know the new Olivia Rodrigo song, "Bad Idea"? I like it because it captures the wildness of a teenage girl. (Even if they're not REALLY wild. My kid isn't really a partier, but there's always something swirling around.)

100% same here. Sophomore daughter, sounds exactly like PP’s and OP’s kids. Maybe they’re all friends IRL. 😊

Amd yes, we need to be better about getting her off her phone at 10. This thread is a great reminder. And thanks to whoever recommended the Downtime app. We’ll check that out.

I think you should limit her social outings. Like if she's invited to five outings in a week, limit it to three. Just say no we need down time and family time. She will probably be really mad and feel entitled to it, but it is fine to set boundaries as a parent and say, no.

My 16/14 year olds must take phones and devices out of their rooms at 10:30 / 10pm. If they forget, they lose their phones the next evening after dinner. The phones go off with message notifications all night so we know their friends definitely don’t have the same rules.

I don’t take my 16 yo DD’s phone anymore. She had downtime until 15, then she requested to self manage and she has been doing great. She protects her 8 hours of sleep (most nights she gets more than that, almost 9) and as per her Screentime reports she doesn’t even use her phone much at night. When she was 14 she was all day in FT, and at night when I let her, I guess she and her friends just outgrew it? Idk

10th 9th and 6th grader here - sports - extra curriculars all of the same hectic social life -

I take 6th graders phone at 9 and the high schoolers at 9:30 sometimes 10. They charge in the kitchen.

Facetime for homework is a thing but I try to remind them that if anyone needs help they need to see a teacher because this is not going to cut it. Either way it is done before 9:30.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty cheap to get a phone and a plan to be able to secretly chat.

It is? Where? Sign me up!

Friends - a lot of these kids have gotten ahold of old phones - either their own or one lying around. My daughter had an old iPhone 8 that we couldn’t trade in bc the screen has a crack in the corner and she has apparently loaned it out to ppl I learned. I didn’t take it from her bc she paid for it and her new phone too.

Yes my 15 almost 16 yo is just like this. For what it’s worth, when she’s had less social activity she wasn’t more productive, she was just more depressed. The lack of sleep isn’t good though.

Anonymous wrote:Phone goes on the charger in the kitchen at 10.

+1 We do 9:30 and also set 'Screen" time settings as well 1-2 hours on Week days.

Phone goes on the charger in the kitchen at 10.

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty cheap to get a phone and a plan to be able to secretly chat.

It is? Where? Sign me up!

OP, I mean this kindly, you sound as if you want this to just go away and are completely unwilling to set any boundaries for your child.

Are you just here to vent? Because people are telling you they DO set these boundaries for their kids because staying up until 1am faceting is unhealthy. Do you think the kids love boundaries? Always follow them? No. And it's definitely easier if you start early. But you are fooling yourself if you think your daughter NEEDS the phone at all hours for group work and is just a more social creature than most. She is doing what she wants because you don't tell her not to. If she were in my kid's project group it would create a huge conflict if she wanted to wait until 9 to start because my kid has to put their phone away by 10.

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty cheap to get a phone and a plan to be able to secretly chat.

With what money??

It's pretty cheap to get a phone and a plan to be able to secretly chat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who think you can set restrictions on the phones are hilarious. The kids are 20 steps ahead of you. But as soon as your kid knows that they need to hide it from you, you will see nothing and know nothing.

So when their downtime goes off and they charge it downstairs and go to bed, what step ahead are they?

I have a parent code for app limits and downtime. They ask for more and I give it to them sometimes. But downtime is a hard 10pm to 7am.

I can literally see on their phone how long they have been on every single app, including FT. It really isn't that hard to be a parent. The OP and the one above are just rationalizing why they don't parent and let the teens run the house

Tell me you have a compliant NT kid without telling me . . .

If they can't comply with the rules, they don't have a phone or tablet period. Its that simple. Mine choose compliance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you let her use FaceTime until midnight?

I am going to set screen time limits for FaceTime. What time do you set yours to? Anything you can share that works or doesn’t work in your homes would be appreciated. The problem is kids do homework together and they’re all crazy, up late, it’s a manic energy. I hate it .

They aren't doing homework that late. That is what she is telling you

+1