Gender wage gap is a crazy fiction when you adjust for jobs women CHOOSE VS men and time taken out of career (again women’s choice!) for child-bearing and rearing.
Women on average tend to avoid risky, isolated, or hard labor jobs. (Doesn’t mean there are no women sanitation workers or welders…but there are decidedly fewer!)
And they tend to gravitate toward (again by choice) more nurturing fields that yield lower pay.
And when comparing apples to apples, like if I’m an attorney who takes time off to have a baby and stay home for 2-4 years, when I re-enter the workforce, should my employer pay me the same as a male attorney of the same age who did not take that time off? Or should that male attorney be allowed to continue to have pay increases while I take time off to pursue what I choose?
That’s the gender pay gap in a nutshell.

If employers could get away with literally paying women less (by thousands) for the same job as men in the exact same roles with same experience—-why would all corporations not employ only women?
Seriously. If there is a huge difference between what an employer can pay a woman for doing the same job with same years of experience as a man—then why would anyone hire men?
Is there anyone who really believes that corporations/employers are that altruistic that they wouldn’t immediately jump at the chance to cut costs on labor and salaries by ditching men in favor of a workforce of women?
It makes no sense.

For me:

- Married or met spouse by 30 - I met my DH at 21 and we got married at 26/27.
- Made $150K or more by 30 - yes, I was working in BigLaw at that point making over $200K. DH was was a fed making low $100s.
- Owned SFH by 35 - we bought a close-in row house first and then traded up into a SFH when we were 35/36.
- Graduated with zero or manageable debt - I graduated law school with a lot of debt. I took out loans to cover all of an expensive private law school and my husband took out loans to cover an expensive private graduate school. We did pay them off fully by 35, though.
- Remained thin and healthy throughout - I’m tall and wear about a size 6/8 so I’m not “thin thin” but healthy enough to be active.
- Continued with hobbies or activities or travel to make a fulfilling life - We are lucky enough to be able to travel a few times a year and support our kids activities. Working full time and dealing with kids in early elementary, I don’t feel like I have a lot of time for other hobbies!

Like others, I think it was a combination of luck and hard work. My parents grew up poor and worked themselves into a MC/UMC lifestyle. We had a happy, stable home, an emphasis on education, and my parents paid for private (parochial) schools for me. I had some help from my parents to go to an expensive private college, where I met my husband, but they haven’t directly financially helped us since then. We paid off all our loans and saved for our down payments all on our own.

It was clear to me early that I’d have to work hard to recreate or exceed my childhood lifestyle, since my parents didn’t have the type of money to be able to pass much down, so I worked hard to set myself up in college and law school for a well-paying career. I also realized early that BigLaw for the long haul wasn’t for me, so I set myself up to use the time to pay off loans and get established in a much better place as in house counsel. Meeting my DH young, and having him come from a stable family with a strong work ethic was really important too. We’ve also been lucky to be healthy physically and mentally.

I’m emphasizing to my kids the importance of working hard, and staying physically active through sports and play time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here. I am good looking and have a big d!ck, and it has helped me with almost everything on your list. I worked my a$$ off at the gym in high school, got a sports scholarship. Was able to sleep with a professor or two to get my grades up. Hooked up and married someone who was a trust fund baby and her parents set my business up. She only wanted me bc she had heard of my rep.

Okay so I think this is genuinely funny, but does bring up something that I have been thinking. It seems like men are *much* more likely to do everything on OP's list, and I wonder why that is? Aside from the gender wage gap, why is it that this list seems much more attainable for men?

If these men married someone, wouldn't the woman by definition meet all these requirements once they were married and shared finances?

That sort of assumes that men and women marry at equal rates and have similar finances, but without getting into that, there are things on the list that don't involve finances, like maintaining hobbies.

Like many people report, I grew up in a UMC family focused on education with two HLS grad parents. My parents divorced and are kind of a mess, but their focus on my education never wavered. I am smart, I got into an Ivy college & then a great law school. I could get basically any job that I wanted out of law school and worked in Big Law briefly to pay down law school bills before transitioning to a government law job that I love. I met DH in grad school and it was basically entirely luck. He is smart and has a comparable job in a different professional field. We could afford a house, so we bought one because it was clearly financially prudent where we lived in DC at the time.

I'm reasonably attractive for a smart person, but nothing special overall. I'm genetically blessed with a build that doesn't gain weight easily even though I don't work out; I do eat reasonably healthily, but mostly out of habit/because it is now I prefer to eat.

I was born into a stable, UMC family. Parents were Ivy grads; paid for my college, professional school, wedding, first car, housing downpayment.
I am (or was--now almost 50) good looking. Dated men who would become high earners. Married one. I don't think I was consciously looking to marry a high earner (honestly I didn't even think to worry about this) but my social circle was basically all people who would become successful professionals. I grew up and lived in a bubble.

I haven't lived a struggle free life (infertility for years, parent passing from brain tumor) but I will say that 95% of my "success in life" is due to luck. I now live in DC among a very similar crowd and I would say the same thing about my peer group here. Most were born on second or third base---if not half way down the line to home plate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here. I am good looking and have a big d!ck, and it has helped me with almost everything on your list. I worked my a$$ off at the gym in high school, got a sports scholarship. Was able to sleep with a professor or two to get my grades up. Hooked up and married someone who was a trust fund baby and her parents set my business up. She only wanted me bc she had heard of my rep.

Okay so I think this is genuinely funny, but does bring up something that I have been thinking. It seems like men are *much* more likely to do everything on OP's list, and I wonder why that is? Aside from the gender wage gap, why is it that this list seems much more attainable for men?

If these men married someone, wouldn't the woman by definition meet all these requirements once they were married and shared finances?

Anonymous wrote:Male here. I am good looking and have a big d!ck, and it has helped me with almost everything on your list. I worked my a$$ off at the gym in high school, got a sports scholarship. Was able to sleep with a professor or two to get my grades up. Hooked up and married someone who was a trust fund baby and her parents set my business up. She only wanted me bc she had heard of my rep.

Okay so I think this is genuinely funny, but does bring up something that I have been thinking. It seems like men are *much* more likely to do everything on OP's list, and I wonder why that is? Aside from the gender wage gap, why is it that this list seems much more attainable for men?

My BIL and SIL meet this list.

- SIL was raised in a comfortable MC home in the DMV with a stay at home mom devoted to her success and happiness. She had everything she needed and even some extra for little luxuries. She had the benefit of access to and influence from UMC-UC extended relatives who work in banking. BIL also grew up locally but in an UMC home with two Ivy educated parents. There was a strong focus on family, discipline and education in his tight night family and extended family.

- Both are genetically blessed. Above average in looks and college atheletes. They are the most good looking couple in most rooms they are in.

- Type A personality and discipline from years of training for their sports.

- Both studied finance and graduated from a good college. By the time they reached 30, they had both been working in well paid careers and they had a healthy HHI of 400k.

- they married at 30, bought a house in Chevy Chase and had a baby all in one year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with your list. I married under 30 and the DCUM conventional wisdom is that I was a boring idiot who couldn’t find any better way to spend my 20s.

I don’t think that’s true. Marrying young (25-30) and having kids young (28-34) is absolutely better from a financial and physical perspective.

That's a very yuppie definition of "young"

Agree. that's not young. The median age of first marriage is like 28 and first child is 30.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The secret was being born to UMC/UC parents who funded everything so I could live on easy street my entire life.

+1. The advice I'd give anyone is to make sure you are born to the right parents.

Otherwise, I'd advise that you don't follow any standards set by DCUM, because most people posting here seem remarkably unhappy and insecure.

Figure out how to make the most of your life, and enjoy yourself while doing it.

This is laughable but doesn’t make it any less true.

And it’s actionable steps for young people to follow to set up their own kids for success.
At the very least:
Finish school (high school at minimum)
Get married before having children
Get a job

Then you (and they) will be just fine.

But sadly people are afraid to espouse this advice for fear of alienating those who didn’t (or couldn’t for whatever reason) stick to this blueprint. People don’t like to feel negatively judged for their choices or circumstances so we pretend that all choices and circumstances are equally desirable when they aren’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with your list. I married under 30 and the DCUM conventional wisdom is that I was a boring idiot who couldn’t find any better way to spend my 20s.

I don’t think that’s true. Marrying young (25-30) and having kids young (28-34) is absolutely better from a financial and physical perspective.

That's a very yuppie definition of "young"

I guess I check all those. I did not grow up rich but I did well in school.

I'm not unhappy in my marriage, but not happy either. But that's the price you pay. You pick what works for the life you want at a certain point in your 20s versus playing the lottery and if you meet the man of your dreams who makes you amazingly happy too late after you are already married, you don't start an affair, you just stay in your marriage.

I check most of these, except for the college debt and the 150k, though I do make over 6 figures now. I paid my student loans off by the time I was 25 as well.

My parents grew up poor and worked hard to break the cycle of poverty. They sent me to private school. I got a generous scholarship to college and worked several jobs throughout to minimize my loan repayments. Graduate school for me was almost entirely free, paid by my employer. My husband got a full scholarship to graduate school - it was tricky but we lived off of my salary to avoid taking out loans for cost of living.

I met my husband freshman year of college. We share the same values and goals for life. We’ve allowed each other space to grow as individuals, knowing it would bring us closer together if we could work on becoming our best selves.We were married when we were 26, and are in our mid-30s with 2 kids and a house. I feel extremely lucky and actually think that a lot of my success is attributed to how my husband and I supported each other in our 20s to get to where we are now.

Does owning a close-in rowhouse or townhome count? If so, I had one of those by 30.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here. I am good looking and have a big d!ck, and it has helped me with almost everything on your list. I worked my a$$ off at the gym in high school, got a sports scholarship. Was able to sleep with a professor or two to get my grades up. Hooked up and married someone who was a trust fund baby and her parents set my business up. She only wanted me bc she had heard of my rep.

#notwinning

Not saying you don't have a great life. Good for you. But nothing there makes me envious, like hearing about some people's lives. You just have a more ornate cage.

I think it was meant to be parody