Anonymous
09/18/2023 00:45
Subject: Re:Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.
I have enough for our needs and some wants too.
BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!
Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.
DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?
Anonymous
09/18/2023 00:23
Subject: Re:Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.
I have enough for our needs and some wants too.
BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!
I have enough for our needs and some wants too.
BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!
Anonymous
09/18/2023 00:17
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
My wife quit work after our first born when I was only making 61k a year and we just bought a house. That was 23 years ago and she is still home. With a 23, 21, 16 old, dog, husband and house to take care of always busy.
Plus she gets 1/2 our net worth in Divorce, can get my SS, maybe alimony and even maybe child support the 16 year old and several million cash and since we own two homes she would get the bigger one. Plus her car.
She had a net worth on her own of maybe 60k when she quit.
My income rose from 61k to 261k in 8 years as had to man up. At one point I was making not DCOM money but 380k to 400k each year at years 10-18 of marriage.
Don’t work if hubby makes that much why bother my wife did it when I earned peanuts as figured I man up
Plus she gets 1/2 our net worth in Divorce, can get my SS, maybe alimony and even maybe child support the 16 year old and several million cash and since we own two homes she would get the bigger one. Plus her car.
She had a net worth on her own of maybe 60k when she quit.
My income rose from 61k to 261k in 8 years as had to man up. At one point I was making not DCOM money but 380k to 400k each year at years 10-18 of marriage.
Don’t work if hubby makes that much why bother my wife did it when I earned peanuts as figured I man up
Anonymous
09/17/2023 23:41
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, how much do YOU make? That is relevant here. Are you in a career with easy re-entry? Did you sign a prenup and if so what are the terms?
If he is making seven figures, and you would be hiring a nanny so you can do household tasks....why don't you hire someone to do those household tasks?
I make around $300k. I don’t think it is a super easy reentry but estimate I could get another similar job within a year of trying (assuming no recession/ok economy, which of course is not guaranteed), although my estimate becomes more uncertain the longer I’m (theoretically) out of work.
There is no pre-nup.
We have a nanny now, it’s not someone new we’d be hiring, just keeping existing nanny on for another year or two. This is a completely honest answer that will probably not go over well - the truth is that I do not enjoy being home alone caring for little kids (say pre-2.5 or 3 years old). If another adult is home at the same time and we can kind of trade off, then it’s totally fine, but not alone. On the other hand I enjoy housework and do a better job than any of the cleaning people we’ve had over the years, I like grocery shopping, cooking, volunteering at school, scheduling, errands, all those kinds of things.
So basically between the two I’d rather pay for a nanny than a housekeeper.
I don’t blame you. I’d make the same choice! My husband is away a lot and I go bonkers being alone with the kid too long. I’d love to have any other adult around!
Anonymous
09/17/2023 23:30
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:Yes! Raising hand! I regret it. Not at all because I worry my husband will leave me, but I regret not having employment options now that my kids are middle/high school age. I put myself in a corner. I highly recommend working part time. I have thoroughly enjoyed my lifestyle and easy home life, but it does come at a cost years down the road.
Unlike a lot of people here, I truly enjoyed being home with my kids and volunteering when they were young. I thought the experience was worth the loss of income. I really love and appreciate the ease of my life. However my kids don’t seem to need me much at all these days and I have an awful lot of time to fill. I can’t figure out how to break back into the working world at 50 and regret not finding a way to keep a foot in the working world, either part-time or consulting. I feel adrift trying to figure out what my next 20 years will look like.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 23:29
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:We had a child with severe special needs so that is why I became a SAHM. Her needs have only become more complex and challenging as she aged, so going back was never feasible. Being a SAHM allowed me to devote enough time to my DD and her NT brother Fortunately, DH was motivated to find better-paying positions so we were able to still meet our financial goals. DS is now a wonderful and successful young man. We've been married for three decades and don't regret anything.
This is my situation too. I had no intention of quitting with but by age 3 it was obvious to my husband it wasn’t best for our family. He laid out his plan to increase his income and asked me to stop working. It quite a few years to be okay with giving up my career.
We did go through some very lean years but we felt strongly it was necessary for me to SAH.
It has been the best solution for our family. Our daughter has benefited tremendously and we have our sanity.
I heard warnings from a friend or two about divorce. But honestly it was their marriage on the rocks and they got divorced. I respect their concern but each situation is different.
Talk it over with your husband. Only you two know if it’s right for your family.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 23:28
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would go part time. Best of both worlds. Your life becomes more sane yet you stay relevant.
Hard to give more specific advice without knowing your finances.
I completely disagree, because I think part time is the worst of all worlds rather than the best of both worlds. You end up getting paid half the cost and end up doing mostly full-time work. It’s better to take time off and then go back full-time.
I second this. I worked part time for several years and got many calls to help with pitches, client meetings, etc. that fell outside of my set work hours. It was a great deal for my employer, not so much for me.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 23:16
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?
Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.
I’m confused why you’re worried about finances with a 7 figure income. Is his job unstable?
More than most - in the past say 5 years he’s made between $1-4m but theoretically it could be zero if things go catastrophically badly.
“My husband makes $1-4 million per year. Will we be OK if I become a SAHM?”
I swear, this entire forum is just rich people who want to brag about their stats, so they fabricate bullshit questions which necessitate their laying out said stats.
Seriously.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 23:08
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?
Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.
I’m confused why you’re worried about finances with a 7 figure income. Is his job unstable?
More than most - in the past say 5 years he’s made between $1-4m but theoretically it could be zero if things go catastrophically badly.
“My husband makes $1-4 million per year. Will we be OK if I become a SAHM?”
I swear, this entire forum is just rich people who want to brag about their stats, so they fabricate bullshit questions which necessitate their laying out said stats.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 23:03
Subject: Re:Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
How about settling for a middle ground? I took 3 yrs off work, spent time with kiddos until they started preschool, then I went back to work. I am a CPA and reentry is not hard.
I am also like you, I found staying alone with kids very isolating and had a housekeeper for help and company. I don’t expect many people to understand this but it’s hard for some people.
I am also like you, I found staying alone with kids very isolating and had a housekeeper for help and company. I don’t expect many people to understand this but it’s hard for some people.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 22:11
Subject: Re:Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Nope because we are very good at budgeting and living a pretty good lifestyle on little money. And this is on a 150,000 single income. So if you can’t do the same at your HHI, then I don’t know what to tell you because we are too fundamentally different.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 22:07
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I regret it. My ds is 15 and I’m miserable.
My future relies on his business, life insurance, and not getting divorced.
So get a job. Why the melodrama?
You’re annoying. I’ll just put my magic hat on get a high-paying job after being home for 15 years. My husband has a large salary, but I am dependent. And if things fall apart I’m screwed.
My mom went back to work after staying home with four kids for 14 years. She recently retired after nearly 30 years there. She started out part time and ended up full time. She completely switched careers, and it was a bonus because it was flexible enough for her to also be the primary parent. You could go back to work if you actually wanted to, and especially if you don’t actually need the money.
What did she do? I need ideas
She was a lawyer before she had kids. When she went back post kids, she worked at a non profit as the executive director. She worked really hard, but had much more flexibility than my father.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 22:00
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I regret it. My ds is 15 and I’m miserable.
My future relies on his business, life insurance, and not getting divorced.
So get a job. Why the melodrama?
You’re annoying. I’ll just put my magic hat on get a high-paying job after being home for 15 years. My husband has a large salary, but I am dependent. And if things fall apart I’m screwed.
My mom went back to work after staying home with four kids for 14 years. She recently retired after nearly 30 years there. She started out part time and ended up full time. She completely switched careers, and it was a bonus because it was flexible enough for her to also be the primary parent. You could go back to work if you actually wanted to, and especially if you don’t actually need the money.
What did she do? I need ideas
Anonymous
09/17/2023 21:53
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:I would go part time. Best of both worlds. Your life becomes more sane yet you stay relevant.
Hard to give more specific advice without knowing your finances.
I completely disagree, because I think part time is the worst of all worlds rather than the best of both worlds. You end up getting paid half the cost and end up doing mostly full-time work. It’s better to take time off and then go back full-time.
Anonymous
09/17/2023 21:48
Subject: Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, pp I think OP is a little too self-aware.
A $1m - $4m salary does not warrant this question. Gee, OP, save $2m next year and you'll be fine. Live in a joint property state.
Right? This thread is bananas.