I do think this happens and it’s pretty awful for your kid - but they learn resilience. My kid is lovely and had all the outward attributes in ES of being in the “in” group. As she was hitting middle school, her interests diverged. She has always like science and she was drawn to geeky stuff. Her friends seemed like they were on their way to being truly accepting - “oh that’s just the stuff X likes”. The mom clique started saying stuff like “well maybe x won’t like that so don’t invite her.” Hurt my kid terribly but she found a different group of friends. I suggested that unless the girls themselves were icing her out, she should stay on good terms with her former group which she did by saying hi in the hallways and in classes etc. All good and fine. Went on for years. Last year, in senior year of high school, after was admitted to HYP, she suddenly started getting all these invitations to these girls houses. It was totally nutty. My kid? Still gorgeous but totally nerds out on quantum physics etc.

Anonymous wrote:A mom told her daughter “don’t invite X, our family doesn’t like her” and again “you can’t do Girl Scouts anymore because is there” . Funny thing is the girls are still good friends but just don’t hang out after school because of the Mom.

So yes, moms do control their kids social lives.

Boy mom here. I don’t know if it is the same thing but there are some really poorly behaved boys. I definitely don’t like them in my house. I absolutely do not care that kids are friends at school.

I may encourage friendship with Cub Scout den leader’s son whose leader mom is such a nice person. The kid running around not listening and waving sticks and throwing rocks? I’m not trying invite that kid over.

My 12yo son is having some friends over today. If I let him, he would invite 10 kids. He is having 4 kids over. They are the same kids I usually have over.

Go with your instinct. If you think it's happening, it likely is. I wish I'd acted on it when I thought moms were orchestrating the social scene (starting in 4th grade). It's astounding how many women are stunted.
Kids should be able to navigate their friendships by MS. If not, you have done something wrong as a parent if you're worried about the kid with the lighter. My kid would have selected that kid out on their own.

Anonymous wrote:It might be you, it might be the single mom thing -- in my case, I'm the fat mom, and in ES, the moms didn't want to be MY friend and didn't want ME around their perfect skinny blonde group, so they excluded my child.

I’m an Asian American mom. I don’t necessarily click with the other moms but my daughter is very well liked. She gets invited to a lot of parties and hang outs. I also host a lot.

It might be you, it might be the single mom thing -- in my case, I'm the fat mom, and in ES, the moms didn't want to be MY friend and didn't want ME around their perfect skinny blonde group, so they excluded my child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

OP - it isn’t either as far as I can tell. Girls still get along great. I am a single parent so I think our family is viewed as broken for no great reason. Like I said, mean mom stuff

Sorry being a single mom is not an excuse. There are plenty of kids with divorced parents at my kid's MS (and even more for my older kid in HS) and there's no connection with exclusion so don't blame your kids issues on that. You're probably sending your kid negative messages on that topic and creating issues if you think that way.

Found the mean mom.

Boy mom here. I limit my son to invite 2-3 friends over at a time. I also prefer the well behaved not crazy ones. I am not trying to control my kid’s social life. I just can’t handle or don’t want too many people over at one time. There is no exclusion from me. I think usually there are some kids on the edge of the group meaning they are friends but not the favorite or first choice.

I have a very social 6 year old daughter. I also don’t want to host too many people at once. The 2 girls she hangs out with most are also daughters of moms I am friends with. We hang out altogether. Then there are 2 friends I am not close with moms. I still do drop off play dates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a friend’s Halloween get together with about six other girls. The mother divided the group in half and had the nanny bring one group trick or treating while the mom brought her daughter and the “popular” girls to trick or treat in the nicer neighborhood.

Why would a middle schooler need a nanny to trick or treat? I call bull.

Did the mom let parents know the nanny would be driving the kids somewhere without the host? None of this story makes much sense.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a friend’s Halloween get together with about six other girls. The mother divided the group in half and had the nanny bring one group trick or treating while the mom brought her daughter and the “popular” girls to trick or treat in the nicer neighborhood.

Why would a middle schooler need a nanny to trick or treat? I call bull.

Am I doing this all wrong? Which families am I supposed to want to make connections with? lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mom told her daughter “don’t invite X, our family doesn’t like her” and again “you can’t do Girl Scouts anymore because X is there” . Funny thing is the girls are still good friends but just don’t hang out after school because of the Mom.

So yes, moms do control their kids social lives.

Edited typo

Oh and coming back to say that this Mom is like that because when my DD was in her favor, she’d tell me things she was doing to exclude other kids. “I don’t like Y child. I am just going to have a sleepover without them so they get a taste of jealousy”

I guess I should have been tipped off then.

Yes, you should have been tipped off. I have never in my life heard a grown women say this kind of shit out loud and if you didn't run for the hills immediately after hearing a comment like this but instead went along with it until your DD was on the outs, aren't you just as horrible?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mom told her daughter “don’t invite X, our family doesn’t like her” and again “you can’t do Girl Scouts anymore because X is there” . Funny thing is the girls are still good friends but just don’t hang out after school because of the Mom.

So yes, moms do control their kids social lives.

Edited typo

Oh and coming back to say that this Mom is like that because when my DD was in her favor, she’d tell me things she was doing to exclude other kids. “I don’t like Y child. I am just going to have a sleepover without them so they get a taste of jealousy”

I guess I should have been tipped off then.

Anonymous wrote:A mom told her daughter “don’t invite X, our family doesn’t like her” and again “you can’t do Girl Scouts anymore because X is there” . Funny thing is the girls are still good friends but just don’t hang out after school because of the Mom.

So yes, moms do control their kids social lives.

Edited typo

A mom told her daughter “don’t invite X, our family doesn’t like her” and again “you can’t do Girl Scouts anymore because is there” . Funny thing is the girls are still good friends but just don’t hang out after school because of the Mom.

So yes, moms do control their kids social lives.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a friend’s Halloween get together with about six other girls. The mother divided the group in half and had the nanny bring one group trick or treating while the mom brought her daughter and the “popular” girls to trick or treat in the nicer neighborhood.

No. I don’t believe this.