Anonymous
09/28/2023 09:24
Subject: “You’re cut out of the will”- my dysfunctional family
I no longer have a relationship with my mother. I'm sure that I'm cut out of the will and I'm fine with that, I literally do not care.
I have one sibling and he has no children and is unmarried. I have her only grand kids and she doesn't get to visit them. I imagine she'll give them whatever money she has left when she does and I'm fine with that. She will die never seeing her grandkids again.
I have one sibling and he has no children and is unmarried. I have her only grand kids and she doesn't get to visit them. I imagine she'll give them whatever money she has left when she does and I'm fine with that. She will die never seeing her grandkids again.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 22:45
Subject: Re:“You’re cut out of the will”- my dysfunctional family
Anonymous wrote:Yes. My mom and dad are both narcissists and my sister is the stereotypical golden child who is emotionally immature and constantly having problems that require my parents to swoop in and save her (divorced after a few years; fired from multiple jobs; in the middle of a lease moved out of apartment she shared with her best friend because her best friend went on a date with someone she liked even though my sister was in the middle of a three year relationship; family of whomever she is dating is always “crazy” and person she is dating is forced to choose between her and them, etc). I am the scapegoat who did well in school, went to an Ivy for college, married a great guy, had kids, etc. I have distanced myself from my family because of ongoing dysfunction and constant scapegoating. When I interact with my mother she will say - without instigation - things like “your husband’s family is wealthy, so not sure you need an inheritance from us”. It feels like she’s looking for a way to disinherit me and given what I have experienced thus far I’ve accepted that my parents’ probably will and it is what it is. My husband’s family is very wealthy but I don’t agree that should impact my inheritance as my husband and I could get divorced etc. But whatever, I can’t control my parents’ actions. However, I can set boundaries and protect myself and my family from dysfunction. So that’s my focus.
Your parents identify with your sister. That's the good and bad news here. It's mostly good news though, you don't want to be part of the continuing intergenerational dysfunction.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 22:02
Subject: Re:“You’re cut out of the will”- my dysfunctional family
I handle it by not caring if I get anything. I tell my super dysfunctional parents to spend their money, enjoy their lives. I decided a long time ago to just let go of their money as having anything to do with me (they have a lot of it). Because it doesn't.
It takes that power away. They can promise you money, take that promise away, it doesn't matter. If my mom is unkind to me and I stand up for myself, she can say "you're not getting anything" and I'll just say "okay that's fine, but doesn't change the fact that I expect guests in my home to speak to me respectfully." It's not a weapon they can use.
As a result, I have a much more functional relationship with my parents than any of my siblings, all of whom are pretty fixated on the money.
It takes that power away. They can promise you money, take that promise away, it doesn't matter. If my mom is unkind to me and I stand up for myself, she can say "you're not getting anything" and I'll just say "okay that's fine, but doesn't change the fact that I expect guests in my home to speak to me respectfully." It's not a weapon they can use.
As a result, I have a much more functional relationship with my parents than any of my siblings, all of whom are pretty fixated on the money.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 21:37
Subject: “You’re cut out of the will”- my dysfunctional family
Anonymous wrote:Just say "I'm not interested in your money."
My father - an abusive guy who abandoned the family in my teens - used to threaten you will be cut out of my will. Indeed, the only answer is I am not interested in your money.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 13:10
Subject: “You’re cut out of the will”- my dysfunctional family
Just say "I'm not interested in your money."