Anonymous
09/12/2023 14:06
Subject: Re:DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 7 years and divorced for 2 and most my friends and coworkers don't even know. Only really close friends and family just found out because my mom died and my xH was at the funeral (for our kids) but then he went home. Lol. It was funny we sat around and told "family secrets".
It's just not something that comes up in conversation, I don't need support, I don't see any reason to bring it up in conversation.
While we were separated, we still attended kids games, school events, cookouts and dinner parties with our kids. As soon as people started to find out they were like "who do we invite" "do we invite both", I was like well for 5 years you were inviting both why would you stop.
It's weird how people act so weird about divorce.
"It's weird how people act so weird about divorce" - like the woman who is divorced for years and didn't tell anyone, resulting in 5 years of people extending invitations to a couple who were not actually a couple? Weird like that?
I did not feel the need to conceal my divorce like it was a shameful family secret. I didn't make some big public disclosure either, but if my kid had mentioned to a friend that her dad and I separated over the summer, I would not be offended if the friend's parents were like, "Hey Sandy said that Jamie said that you and Brandon separated over the summer. I didn't feel right knowing and not saying anything."
What kind of community are you people in that it's never okay to mention personal things to your friends??
I don’t even know when it would have come up in conversation. It wasn’t concealed just like it’s not concealed that I have a beach house. It’s not a secret. It just isn’t part of conversation.
I’m not offended that people know some people know some don’t. But most don’t… the lady at school pickup, the 17 parents on the soccer team I hardly know but I might tailgate with, larla who invites 50 people to her Xmas party including us.
Just not sure when it come up.
I said some friends know … but my cousin once removed at my moms funeral. Nope.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 14:00
Subject: Re:DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 7 years and divorced for 2 and most my friends and coworkers don't even know. Only really close friends and family just found out because my mom died and my xH was at the funeral (for our kids) but then he went home. Lol. It was funny we sat around and told "family secrets".
It's just not something that comes up in conversation, I don't need support, I don't see any reason to bring it up in conversation.
While we were separated, we still attended kids games, school events, cookouts and dinner parties with our kids. As soon as people started to find out they were like "who do we invite" "do we invite both", I was like well for 5 years you were inviting both why would you stop.
It's weird how people act so weird about divorce.
If my kid hangs out with yours a lot I need to know. You don't need to make some big announcement or share detail, just weave it in casually in a conversation.
No you don’t.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 13:59
Subject: Re:DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 7 years and divorced for 2 and most my friends and coworkers don't even know. Only really close friends and family just found out because my mom died and my xH was at the funeral (for our kids) but then he went home. Lol. It was funny we sat around and told "family secrets".
It's just not something that comes up in conversation, I don't need support, I don't see any reason to bring it up in conversation.
While we were separated, we still attended kids games, school events, cookouts and dinner parties with our kids. As soon as people started to find out they were like "who do we invite" "do we invite both", I was like well for 5 years you were inviting both why would you stop.
It's weird how people act so weird about divorce.
If my kid hangs out with yours a lot I need to know. You don't need to make some big announcement or share detail, just weave it in casually in a conversation.
Why do you “need to know?”
What a weird question. My kid hangs out in households where i know the parents well. I don't want her around the newest boyfriend or girlfriend the parents are dating, nor sitters a parent is hiring etc.
If you are so secretive about a core change in the dynamics of your household, for YEARS, i can't trust you.
If you're close enough with a given couple, they'll tell you directly. If they're responsible parents, you need to trust them not to leave their kid (and yours) alone with some random bf/gf or sitter. If you don't trust them to do that, you probably don't know them as well as you thought you did.
I get that not all divorces are so amicable as to pretend they didn't happen (e.g., inviting the couple as a couple), but not all of them are as acrimonious and dysfunctional as many people assume.
I remember years ago, I saw a dad clearly on a date. Our kids were good friends but the parents weren’t really my personal friends. I totally thought the dad was cheating. I didn’t think it was my business to say anything so I didn’t. They hosted a birthday party and I remember thinking dad was sketchy. A few months passed and we saw dad and son at a mutual friend’s house. I casually asked where the mom was and my mutual friend told me that they were getting divorced. The mom cheated and left the dad. I felt bad for judging the dad on a date.
This is how you find out in my neighborhood. One (or both parents) start showing up to school plays and sports events with a new partner.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 12:09
Subject: Re:DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 7 years and divorced for 2 and most my friends and coworkers don't even know. Only really close friends and family just found out because my mom died and my xH was at the funeral (for our kids) but then he went home. Lol. It was funny we sat around and told "family secrets".
It's just not something that comes up in conversation, I don't need support, I don't see any reason to bring it up in conversation.
While we were separated, we still attended kids games, school events, cookouts and dinner parties with our kids. As soon as people started to find out they were like "who do we invite" "do we invite both", I was like well for 5 years you were inviting both why would you stop.
It's weird how people act so weird about divorce.
If my kid hangs out with yours a lot I need to know. You don't need to make some big announcement or share detail, just weave it in casually in a conversation.
Why do you “need to know?”
What a weird question. My kid hangs out in households where i know the parents well. I don't want her around the newest boyfriend or girlfriend the parents are dating, nor sitters a parent is hiring etc.
If you are so secretive about a core change in the dynamics of your household, for YEARS, i can't trust you.
If you're close enough with a given couple, they'll tell you directly. If they're responsible parents, you need to trust them not to leave their kid (and yours) alone with some random bf/gf or sitter. If you don't trust them to do that, you probably don't know them as well as you thought you did.
I get that not all divorces are so amicable as to pretend they didn't happen (e.g., inviting the couple as a couple), but not all of them are as acrimonious and dysfunctional as many people assume.
I remember years ago, I saw a dad clearly on a date. Our kids were good friends but the parents weren’t really my personal friends. I totally thought the dad was cheating. I didn’t think it was my business to say anything so I didn’t. They hosted a birthday party and I remember thinking dad was sketchy. A few months passed and we saw dad and son at a mutual friend’s house. I casually asked where the mom was and my mutual friend told me that they were getting divorced. The mom cheated and left the dad. I felt bad for judging the dad on a date.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 12:03
Subject: Re:DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 7 years and divorced for 2 and most my friends and coworkers don't even know. Only really close friends and family just found out because my mom died and my xH was at the funeral (for our kids) but then he went home. Lol. It was funny we sat around and told "family secrets".
It's just not something that comes up in conversation, I don't need support, I don't see any reason to bring it up in conversation.
While we were separated, we still attended kids games, school events, cookouts and dinner parties with our kids. As soon as people started to find out they were like "who do we invite" "do we invite both", I was like well for 5 years you were inviting both why would you stop.
It's weird how people act so weird about divorce.
If my kid hangs out with yours a lot I need to know. You don't need to make some big announcement or share detail, just weave it in casually in a conversation.
Why do you “need to know?”
What a weird question. My kid hangs out in households where i know the parents well. I don't want her around the newest boyfriend or girlfriend the parents are dating, nor sitters a parent is hiring etc.
If you are so secretive about a core change in the dynamics of your household, for YEARS, i can't trust you.
If you're close enough with a given couple, they'll tell you directly. If they're responsible parents, you need to trust them not to leave their kid (and yours) alone with some random bf/gf or sitter. If you don't trust them to do that, you probably don't know them as well as you thought you did.
I get that not all divorces are so amicable as to pretend they didn't happen (e.g., inviting the couple as a couple), but not all of them are as acrimonious and dysfunctional as many people assume.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 10:01
Subject: DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I thought the kid who we knew well for so many years would be having a difficult time. Kids wanted to hang out. I tried to reach out and make plans for just the kids. Both parents just ignored us. Not even an excuse or no. I wonder if the mom blocked me. I would send her a text on her birthday or ask how things are. I have four years of unreturned texts and calls.
I am a grown woman and am fine giving friend space. I continued to reach out for our kids since they were best friends. That mom was the one who used to call them BFFs. I saw the boy recently and he looked so happy to see me and my son. Maybe I will let my son make plans with the boy directly.
Cut them some slack, people who are going through a traumatic event (yes divorce is one) retreat in their shell.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:51
Subject: DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I thought the kid who we knew well for so many years would be having a difficult time. Kids wanted to hang out. I tried to reach out and make plans for just the kids. Both parents just ignored us. Not even an excuse or no. I wonder if the mom blocked me. I would send her a text on her birthday or ask how things are. I have four years of unreturned texts and calls.
Cut them some slack, people who are going through a traumatic event (yes divorce is one) retreat in their shell.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:48
Subject: DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Pp here. I thought the kid who we knew well for so many years would be having a difficult time. Kids wanted to hang out. I tried to reach out and make plans for just the kids. Both parents just ignored us. Not even an excuse or no. I wonder if the mom blocked me. I would send her a text on her birthday or ask how things are. I have four years of unreturned texts and calls.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:47
Subject: Re:DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 7 years and divorced for 2 and most my friends and coworkers don't even know. Only really close friends and family just found out because my mom died and my xH was at the funeral (for our kids) but then he went home. Lol. It was funny we sat around and told "family secrets".
It's just not something that comes up in conversation, I don't need support, I don't see any reason to bring it up in conversation.
While we were separated, we still attended kids games, school events, cookouts and dinner parties with our kids. As soon as people started to find out they were like "who do we invite" "do we invite both", I was like well for 5 years you were inviting both why would you stop.
It's weird how people act so weird about divorce.
If my kid hangs out with yours a lot I need to know. You don't need to make some big announcement or share detail, just weave it in casually in a conversation.
Why do you “need to know?”
What a weird question. My kid hangs out in households where i know the parents well. I don't want her around the newest boyfriend or girlfriend the parents are dating, nor sitters a parent is hiring etc.
If you are so secretive about a core change in the dynamics of your household, for YEARS, i can't trust you.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:45
Subject: DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm LOL that so many people on this thread think their divorce is some bit of classified information.
It’s not classified information, but it’s not anyone’s business either. Unless you’re a gossipy old biddy that is.
People talk. Sometimes its about you. You don't actually get to control that, try as you might. And being weird about it only makes people speculate more.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:43
Subject: DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:This is a weird thread. There is a ton of middle ground between "so you getting divorced" at pick up line and inviting both couples for years while thinking they were a couple the whole time. I do not find pretending to be helpful anytime to anyone. I have had some close friends go through divorce and I offered support from the beginning. Some acquaintances (Kids friends) have also divorced, and I hope a sincere "how are things" helped. I do not need to know details but I know not everyone has people to talk to and I would rather open that door than pretend everything in hunky dory
I feel like many divorced people just shut people out. Maybe they don’t want to talk about it and avoid others. On multiple occasions, the parents don’t respond at all for YEARS. This has happened many times. A few kids from preschool whose kids were friends with my kids just disappeared and then we see them years later and they act like we are friends. Remember the emails, invitations and texts you ignored for years? One specific parent had a kid whose son was a very good friend of mine. One day they don’t show up for our birthday party and then ignore us after being fairly good friends. Two years later, our kids attend the same elementary and she acts like we are close friends. She has a new boyfriend, not her former husband and says how we need to hang out. I’m thinking we haven’t talked in years.
I have another friend who I considered a close friend. Our families would sign up for camps and sports together, carpooled, traveled, etc. our kids were best friends for 5 years. She just dropped us. The son told my son his parents got divorced. I have not seen them since Covid.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:40
Subject: Re:DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 7 years and divorced for 2 and most my friends and coworkers don't even know. Only really close friends and family just found out because my mom died and my xH was at the funeral (for our kids) but then he went home. Lol. It was funny we sat around and told "family secrets".
It's just not something that comes up in conversation, I don't need support, I don't see any reason to bring it up in conversation.
While we were separated, we still attended kids games, school events, cookouts and dinner parties with our kids. As soon as people started to find out they were like "who do we invite" "do we invite both", I was like well for 5 years you were inviting both why would you stop.
It's weird how people act so weird about divorce.
"It's weird how people act so weird about divorce" - like the woman who is divorced for years and didn't tell anyone, resulting in 5 years of people extending invitations to a couple who were not actually a couple? Weird like that?
I did not feel the need to conceal my divorce like it was a shameful family secret. I didn't make some big public disclosure either, but if my kid had mentioned to a friend that her dad and I separated over the summer, I would not be offended if the friend's parents were like, "Hey Sandy said that Jamie said that you and Brandon separated over the summer. I didn't feel right knowing and not saying anything."
What kind of community are you people in that it's never okay to mention personal things to your friends??
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:25
Subject: DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
This is a weird thread. There is a ton of middle ground between "so you getting divorced" at pick up line and inviting both couples for years while thinking they were a couple the whole time. I do not find pretending to be helpful anytime to anyone. I have had some close friends go through divorce and I offered support from the beginning. Some acquaintances (Kids friends) have also divorced, and I hope a sincere "how are things" helped. I do not need to know details but I know not everyone has people to talk to and I would rather open that door than pretend everything in hunky dory
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:23
Subject: Re:DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I've been separated for 7 years and divorced for 2 and most my friends and coworkers don't even know. Only really close friends and family just found out because my mom died and my xH was at the funeral (for our kids) but then he went home. Lol. It was funny we sat around and told "family secrets".
It's just not something that comes up in conversation, I don't need support, I don't see any reason to bring it up in conversation.
While we were separated, we still attended kids games, school events, cookouts and dinner parties with our kids. As soon as people started to find out they were like "who do we invite" "do we invite both", I was like well for 5 years you were inviting both why would you stop.
It's weird how people act so weird about divorce.
If my kid hangs out with yours a lot I need to know. You don't need to make some big announcement or share detail, just weave it in casually in a conversation.
Why do you “need to know?”
Anonymous
09/12/2023 09:22
Subject: DS’s friend told DS his parents got divorced
Anonymous wrote:I'm LOL that so many people on this thread think their divorce is some bit of classified information.
It’s not classified information, but it’s not anyone’s business either. Unless you’re a gossipy old biddy that is.