Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 22:55     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a dcum harpy.

I think you did great. I went through a bit of depression in my teens/early 20s, even though I did go to college and get a job right afterwards. It's still hard. But be proud of yourself to getting "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps".


“Dcum Harpy” is going to live rent free in my head.

This is my new cuss word. It is refreshing. Thank you.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 19:26     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What exactly do that you are not proud of? In what way did you "eff up"? Clearly there was more than suicidal thoughts. The details might matter here.


No I just had gap years into my early twenties. Where I wasn’t studying or working. Roughest time mentally for me.
The point is maybe I overshared but I was surprised at the judgment and harshness and no defense. Which maybe is asking for much


Ok well the language you used that you were clearly a screw up, no role model, effed up life, make it sound like you were really up to no good. Which is why it still makes it seem likely that she was just joking about "bad egg" and maybe there was a wink in there you may have missed. Because you didn't describe anything bad. Do you often have trouble reading people? Maybe you need to change how you describe these years and tone it down.

Such as "I was lost for awhile but then found my footing and now things are great." Your language makes it sound so much more extreme.


Part of the issue is that OP sounds like an extremely unreliable narrator. I’m sure her perceptions and feelings are genuine and I empathize with overcoming struggles. But I very much doubt that we would hear this same story from one of the other brunch attendees.


Also, don't pester people to share intimate details about themselves when they don't really know you. Some people are very private. Asking them if they have regrets, or ever messed up, or even the way you put it "have you never struggled" can come across as aggressive and prying and make the other person very uncomfortable.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 17:10     Subject: I was scolded for my past
OP I think you were trying to help and I think it backfired and now you feel vulnerable. I'm not surprised, its kind of like you put your neck on the line and someone chopped your head off (metaphorically).

I would try to forget about it but I would also be extremely wary of sharing personal history with these people. They clearly aren't generous enough to take it in the spirit in which it was intended and were small minded enough to pass judgment.

If I'd been in the room I'd have stood up for you, for what it's worth.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 17:03     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What exactly do that you are not proud of? In what way did you "eff up"? Clearly there was more than suicidal thoughts. The details might matter here.


No I just had gap years into my early twenties. Where I wasn’t studying or working. Roughest time mentally for me.
The point is maybe I overshared but I was surprised at the judgment and harshness and no defense. Which maybe is asking for much


Ok well the language you used that you were clearly a screw up, no role model, effed up life, make it sound like you were really up to no good. Which is why it still makes it seem likely that she was just joking about "bad egg" and maybe there was a wink in there you may have missed. Because you didn't describe anything bad. Do you often have trouble reading people? Maybe you need to change how you describe these years and tone it down.

Such as "I was lost for awhile but then found my footing and now things are great." Your language makes it sound so much more extreme.


Part of the issue is that OP sounds like an extremely unreliable narrator. I’m sure her perceptions and feelings are genuine and I empathize with overcoming struggles. But I very much doubt that we would hear this same story from one of the other brunch attendees.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 16:26     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Anonymous wrote:Some people get uncontrollably antagonistic towards displays of contrition and vulnerability. They cannot help it and often react as if you are physically harassing them. It may be how they were raised or who knows what the reason is but I've seen it enough to know its not unusual.
I would not hang out with her anymore, she has a deep distaste for your demeanor and that is 100% her problem, not yours. Why would you want to deal with her rigidity anyway, steer clear.


What in the world are you talking about? This sounds like some made up phenomenon.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 16:19     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Some people get uncontrollably antagonistic towards displays of contrition and vulnerability. They cannot help it and often react as if you are physically harassing them. It may be how they were raised or who knows what the reason is but I've seen it enough to know its not unusual.
I would not hang out with her anymore, she has a deep distaste for your demeanor and that is 100% her problem, not yours. Why would you want to deal with her rigidity anyway, steer clear.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 16:18     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What exactly do that you are not proud of? In what way did you "eff up"? Clearly there was more than suicidal thoughts. The details might matter here.


No I just had gap years into my early twenties. Where I wasn’t studying or working. Roughest time mentally for me.
The point is maybe I overshared but I was surprised at the judgment and harshness and no defense. Which maybe is asking for much


Ok well the language you used that you were clearly a screw up, no role model, effed up life, make it sound like you were really up to no good. Which is why it still makes it seem likely that she was just joking about "bad egg" and maybe there was a wink in there you may have missed. Because you didn't describe anything bad. Do you often have trouble reading people? Maybe you need to change how you describe these years and tone it down.

Such as "I was lost for awhile but then found my footing and now things are great." Your language makes it sound so much more extreme.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 16:15     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What exactly do that you are not proud of? In what way did you "eff up"? Clearly there was more than suicidal thoughts. The details might matter here.


No I just had gap years into my early twenties. Where I wasn’t studying or working. Roughest time mentally for me.
The point is maybe I overshared but I was surprised at the judgment and harshness and no defense. Which maybe is asking for much


Different PP who feels like you overshared. But I don't think that justifies the other woman's response. You come across as something between awkward and needy in this scenario, and her behavior lands somewhere between needlessly judgmental and hateful. Neither really killing it conversationally, but certainly she was worse.

I'm surprised no one said anything to the "bad egg" comment, even a "c'mon Katie, are you serious?"
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 16:13     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Anonymous wrote:What exactly do that you are not proud of? In what way did you "eff up"? Clearly there was more than suicidal thoughts. The details might matter here.


No I just had gap years into my early twenties. Where I wasn’t studying or working. Roughest time mentally for me.
The point is maybe I overshared but I was surprised at the judgment and harshness and no defense. Which maybe is asking for much
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 16:12     Subject: I was scolded for my past
Anonymous wrote:OP didn't overshare. One of the other women was talking about her child's mental health issues, and OP related some info about her own mental health when she was close in age to that woman's child. That's on topic and empathetic. OP was obviously trying to reassure that woman that this is something people go through, that it's ok.

Consider that when the other woman got all judgemental about OP's struggles, it probably didn't feel great for the woman whose child is now struggling, either.

The fact that people respond with a lot of discomfort and awkwardness, and that this one woman was very judgemental and shaming, indicates this group struggles with dealing with mental health as a subject, and are uncomfortable with certain kinds of vulnerability. That's not OP's fault.


100% agree. Obviously we don’t know all of the details of this group, but shaming anyone for past struggles is gross. Especially since another woman was saying her child is currently struggling, so double yikes.

I very much want to believe that in a situation like that, I’d say *something* to come to OP’s rescue – evening I didn’t know her at all.