Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 09:52     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Has any parent had a sex conversatiom with the kid's bf/gf? How did it go?


To what end?


To make your kid's bf/gf recoil in horror and probably break up with your kid right away to avoid any further awkward interactions with you.

Pregnancy... prevented!


#WINNING
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 09:20     Subject: Re:Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:No, you cannot prevent them from making this decision about their own body. Nor should you expect to. What you can do is make sure they have accurate info about how to stay safe and also to the best of your ability a healthy sense of their own body autonomy and boundaries.


This and I don’t know if I would want to prevent her. What if you she was in a great relationship, they both wanted too, they both were comfortable, and they both enjoyed. Not sure that is necessarily a bad thing. Considering 90% of teens and a good chunk of college-mid 20s are incapable of forming any meaningful connection (not just romantic) I don’t see why I would want to deny that. Romance can be a beautiful thing.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 09:14     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.


Agree. Plus stress the importance of using birth control AND a condom every time and how easy is it to end up pregnant if you aren’t using precautions. Neither method is 100% so you really need two if you don’t want to get pregnant or get a disease.

If your teen is reasonably smart, has common sense, and parents that help her access birth control, it shouldn’t be an issue. She likely doesn’t want to get pregnant even more than you don’t want her to be. It is pretty easy to put together that being pregnant as a teen has a whole host of unwanted consequences. Preventing pregnancy isn’t hard.

Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 08:50     Subject: Re:Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:As a parent who immigrated to the United States when my daughter was born, I was raised in a country where cultural norms, religious beliefs, and social expectations strongly discourage premarital sex. Romantic relationships prior to college are discouraged and are seen as distractions from pursuing education and personality development. The prevailing belief is that teenage minds are not mature enough to handle the emotional challenges that come with committed relationships.

I visit these forums to gain a general understanding of how parents in the suburban NOVA area approach issues related to teenagers. Is sexual abstinence not emphasized among teenagers anymore? Do parents here generally accept that teenagers will somehow engage in sex and so focus on guiding them to practice safe sex? If a parent engages in open conversations about safe sex and its significance, wouldn't it imply indirectly to their teenager that the parent acknowledges their child will likely engage in sexual activity and is accepting of it? Would a teenager perceive their parent as old fashioned if they emphasize on sexual abstinence at least until after high school or college entrance? How do you help your teenager understand preserving self dignity involves valuing their own body and personal boundaries, and that it should not be compromised in casual sexual encounters, even if safe sex precautions are taken?


Parents are having more conversations instead of the "only abstinence" approach and kids are now having LESS sex than teens in the 70-90's.

I also believe woman aren't allowing themselves to be treated like a piece of meat and are the ones truly choosing when/where. I think there is much less peer pressure in person. But I do believe there is much more pressure to send pics/videos.

I also know there are more pills, date rape drugs, and other things out there that wasn't before. But I also know weed is much more the norm than alcohol which is in favor of girls not getting wasted and assaulted.

Society is always changing. I think you give both boys and girls the sex talk, you can say I think you will be safer and feel more pride in yourself if you wait until you are older. I think if you use family, religious, or culture views as a reason why THEY shouldn't have sex, will ultimately backfire. I think you have to treat it in a way they will understand.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 08:25     Subject: Re:Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:As a parent who immigrated to the United States when my daughter was born, I was raised in a country where cultural norms, religious beliefs, and social expectations strongly discourage premarital sex. Romantic relationships prior to college are discouraged and are seen as distractions from pursuing education and personality development. The prevailing belief is that teenage minds are not mature enough to handle the emotional challenges that come with committed relationships.

I visit these forums to gain a general understanding of how parents in the suburban NOVA area approach issues related to teenagers. Is sexual abstinence not emphasized among teenagers anymore? Do parents here generally accept that teenagers will somehow engage in sex and so focus on guiding them to practice safe sex? If a parent engages in open conversations about safe sex and its significance, wouldn't it imply indirectly to their teenager that the parent acknowledges their child will likely engage in sexual activity and is accepting of it? Would a teenager perceive their parent as old fashioned if they emphasize on sexual abstinence at least until after high school or college entrance? How do you help your teenager understand preserving self dignity involves valuing their own body and personal boundaries, and that it should not be compromised in casual sexual encounters, even if safe sex precautions are taken?

Your child is growing up in the US, where premarital sex is no longer frowned upon, in general. It would be a disservice to your child to not educate them about STDs and pregnancy and overall risks in general. By all means, tell them you do not approve of it, that you'd rather they wait until after college, but be realistic, too. Having this talk with your child doesn't mean you condone it. It's like telling them the risks of binge drinking, or driving drunk. Just because you talk about it with them, including how to reduce risks, doesn't mean you condone it.

I grew up as an immigrant child, with immigrant parents who were/are very conservative when it comes to things like sex. My mother never ever talked to me about any of it. She didn't want me to date even in college, or have a man over my apt when I moved out. But, then she expected me to get married at 25. How the heck am I supposed to find a man to marry at 25 if up until then my parents didn't want me to have a man over or date much.

Don't do this to your child. It really F*up my social skills with men.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 08:12     Subject: Re:Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Prevent? Maybe discourage.

I have a 20 year old son and a 16 year old daughter. I've always talked about sex, romantic emotions, etc. openly with them, and while they know that I have preferred that they wait until 18 (feeling being older and a bit more mature helps deal with everything that comes with sex), I know that my preference won't mean much in the heat of the moment. So I've emphasized the need to use birth control every. single. time. There have always been condoms in the linen closet, and I let them know they're there and no questions asked. For my daughter, I've told her that if she'd like to go on a regular type of birth control, I'll make the doctor's appointment as soon as she says she's ready.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 06:51     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Look at the data and not just media posts and you will see that the number of kids having sex is actually way down from the 80s and has been trending down the past ten years. Teens are waiting longer than ever for first experiences but unfortunately condom use is down and STIs are on the rise (partially due to the availability of testing).

Take a look at page 14 of the most recent Youth Risk Behavior Survey.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/data/yrbs/pdf/yrbs_data-summary-trends_report2023_508.pdf
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 00:23     Subject: Re:Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
As a parent who immigrated to the United States when my daughter was born, I was raised in a country where cultural norms, religious beliefs, and social expectations strongly discourage premarital sex. Romantic relationships prior to college are discouraged and are seen as distractions from pursuing education and personality development. The prevailing belief is that teenage minds are not mature enough to handle the emotional challenges that come with committed relationships.

I visit these forums to gain a general understanding of how parents in the suburban NOVA area approach issues related to teenagers. Is sexual abstinence not emphasized among teenagers anymore? Do parents here generally accept that teenagers will somehow engage in sex and so focus on guiding them to practice safe sex? If a parent engages in open conversations about safe sex and its significance, wouldn't it imply indirectly to their teenager that the parent acknowledges their child will likely engage in sexual activity and is accepting of it? Would a teenager perceive their parent as old fashioned if they emphasize on sexual abstinence at least until after high school or college entrance? How do you help your teenager understand preserving self dignity involves valuing their own body and personal boundaries, and that it should not be compromised in casual sexual encounters, even if safe sex precautions are taken?
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 21:27     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.


+1


+2
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 21:23     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:Has any parent had a sex conversatiom with the kid's bf/gf? How did it go?


To what end?
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 21:11     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
For boys, refusing acne medication help prevent sex.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 20:27     Subject: Re:Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No idea about the other thread in which you are talking about but if I had a girl, I would require her to be on birth control. The same as requiring her to get shots throughout childhood.


Ok Jamie Spears.

There’s a huge difference between giving your child a tool to prevent life changing pregnancy and not allowing an adult to make reproductive choices.


Providing/recommending birth control to a teen who wants it is different than "requiring" it just because they are a teen girl. The BCP can also have negative side effects so I wouldn't force it on anyone.


+1. I don’t get requiring birth control pills. Contraception is a private matter between the people having sex, not teenagers and their mothers. For the record, my husband doesn’t get to require me to have my tubes tied. It’s a decision we make as equals. P.S. Our mothers were not part of our discussion.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 20:19     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
This whole thread is horrifying.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 19:45     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:Sending them to a girls' school would help. Sure, there are girls who have sex but my daughter and friends are juniors and have never dated (or in most cases even talked with boys). I was just talking to a group of parents whose daughters graduated in June and they're heading to college having never dated, kissed, etc. boys. We were talking about it in the context of it NOT being an ideal part of an all-girls education but if you're hoping to have your daughter avoid any physical relationship in high school it might help.


I think "boys" is the key word in that sentence.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2023 19:22     Subject: Can you actually prevent teens from having sex
Anonymous wrote:Sending them to a girls' school would help. Sure, there are girls who have sex but my daughter and friends are juniors and have never dated (or in most cases even talked with boys). I was just talking to a group of parents whose daughters graduated in June and they're heading to college having never dated, kissed, etc. boys. We were talking about it in the context of it NOT being an ideal part of an all-girls education but if you're hoping to have your daughter avoid any physical relationship in high school it might help.

As someone who never kissed a boy (man) until my 20s, I would not advise this. I was socially stunted dating wise for a long time.