Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 12:29     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say, Why do you ask?


This is a stupid response. People ask because they're curious.


Why are you curious?


Because I’m a naturally curious person who is interested in other people.


So in--

You: "Are you planning on having more kids?"
Response: "What makes you ask?"

Your response wouldn't be to inwardly think, yikes that is none of my business? Just FYI, if you said "Because I’m a naturally curious person who is interested in other people" I would respond

- I am having a miscarriage as we speak
- My marriage is in trouble
- I can't and it's so painful
- I am depressed or dying, and don't think it's wise
- My husband can't get it up

Even if none of the above are true.

If you asked,

- Why did you keep your maiden name?
- Because I’m a naturally curious person who is interested in other people

I would respond,

"because I think people who do it are dumb"

It seems like often questions have agendas


Maybe you think that saying you're having a miscarriage as we speak would make me uncomfortable, but it wouldn't. I'm not afraid of traditionally uncomfortable discussions.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:53     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.


To which they would answer: "why not?"


And I’d reply “Because that’s a bit personal, Becky. Now you know.”
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:49     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.


To which they would answer: "why not?"
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:48     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:I posted above to recommend "why do you ask?" because some people should examine their need to know.

But in some cases, particularly yes/no questions, not answering seems like an admission. Say an acquaintance/neighbor asks one of these and you brush it off:
- has Larlo graduated yet, or is he starting his 6th year of college?
- How is DH's sobriety going?
- Did Larla apply for the magnet program/private school?
- Are you applying for that job in the other department?
Not answering makes it sound like Larlo and DH are still struggling, and yes, Larla definitely did get that application in, and you're definitely applying for the job.

What do you guys say then?


I answer truthfully but diplomatically, unless the professional question comes from a work colleague, in which case it depends whether the truth will hurt me. Because I have a child with special needs, our family has had issues and might develop new ones, and my way to cope has been to reject shame, guilt and humiliation. It's OK to struggle and it's OK for people to know that our lives are not perfect. But I cannot reveal things that might cost me a job, obviously.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:42     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
“I don’t know how to answer that question.”
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:41     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:38     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say, Why do you ask?


This is a stupid response. People ask because they're curious.


I was going to recommend "Why would you ask that?" It calls them out for their "curiosity" aka nosiness.


This is something that SIL would do, but she is slightly paranoid. We are not close, and she has no long term friends.


Nope, it's not "paranoid" to resent nosy busybodies.


Not if it was not a nosy question, as construed by non-paranoid people.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:56     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say, Why do you ask?


This is a stupid response. People ask because they're curious.


I was going to recommend "Why would you ask that?" It calls them out for their "curiosity" aka nosiness.


This is something that SIL would do, but she is slightly paranoid. We are not close, and she has no long term friends.


Nope, it's not "paranoid" to resent nosy busybodies.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:56     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:I posted above to recommend "why do you ask?" because some people should examine their need to know.

But in some cases, particularly yes/no questions, not answering seems like an admission. Say an acquaintance/neighbor asks one of these and you brush it off:
- has Larlo graduated yet, or is he starting his 6th year of college?
- How is DH's sobriety going?
- Did Larla apply for the magnet program/private school?
- Are you applying for that job in the other department?
Not answering makes it sound like Larlo and DH are still struggling, and yes, Larla definitely did get that application in, and you're definitely applying for the job.

What do you guys say then?


I smile and change the subject, asking them an unrelated question.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:55     Subject: Re:How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
My mom would frequently ask when we were having a second kid while we were in the thick of unsuccessful infertility treatments. I finally just told her it wasn’t a topic open for discussion.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:54     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
I posted above to recommend "why do you ask?" because some people should examine their need to know.

But in some cases, particularly yes/no questions, not answering seems like an admission. Say an acquaintance/neighbor asks one of these and you brush it off:
- has Larlo graduated yet, or is he starting his 6th year of college?
- How is DH's sobriety going?
- Did Larla apply for the magnet program/private school?
- Are you applying for that job in the other department?
Not answering makes it sound like Larlo and DH are still struggling, and yes, Larla definitely did get that application in, and you're definitely applying for the job.

What do you guys say then?
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:45     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say, Why do you ask?


This is a stupid response. People ask because they're curious.


I was going to recommend "Why would you ask that?" It calls them out for their "curiosity" aka nosiness.


This is something that SIL would do, but she is slightly paranoid. We are not close, and she has no long term friends.


I would add, the question would be totally innocuous.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:44     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say, Why do you ask?


This is a stupid response. People ask because they're curious.


I was going to recommend "Why would you ask that?" It calls them out for their "curiosity" aka nosiness.


This is something that SIL would do, but she is slightly paranoid. We are not close, and she has no long term friends.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:44     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
“Why do you ask?”

Make them cop to their own curiosity. Make them own and sit with the fact that they are a Tragedy Vulture, or obsessed with money, or jealous, or entitled, or spoiled, or rude.

Then watch them sputter. Follow up with, “I’m not going there with you.”
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:43     Subject: How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would say, Why do you ask?


This is a stupid response. People ask because they're curious.


I was going to recommend "Why would you ask that?" It calls them out for their "curiosity" aka nosiness.