Anonymous wrote:That seems like something my wife would send me, or I would send her, if one of us was traveling or leaving early and it was garbage day. I probably would have added some pleasantries or terms of affection, but that's just me.

I see nothing wrong with it.

Same (DW here) and sounds like something I might send my kids (and also tell them thanks and to have a nice day - unless I’m on a plane and am typing really fast and don’t have time for extra words!).

Seems totally normal to me. I get what you are saying OP, that is sounds like an order instead of a request, but it is likely just a reminder. I would send that to DH if there were a chore I normally do and was out of time and it was time sensitive -- I see that text as probably being aa reminder.

Anonymous wrote:In what type of relationship is this either a normal text? Received at 6 am.

"Please get the trash/recycle out to the curb. There's also a trash can behind the shed tjat jas grass clipplings that needs to go to the curb.
Thank you"

Is it normal between husband and wife? Parent to child? Roomates? Boss to restaurant worker?
Does your opinion change if it's a female sending or a male sending?
Does your opinion change if the sender was near/next to the trash cans when sending this text?
Do you have an opinion about texting someone at 6 am?

Thanks.

This would be normal in my marriage IF the person receiving the text was in charge of garbage and had clearly forgotten or was missing something. We have pretty defined zones of responsibility. It would also be normal if the person in charge of garbage said "Ack, I'm having such a stressful day" and the other person said "oh no! is there something I can do to help"?

Bottom line: Who's responsibility is the garbage?

Similar in a roommate situation, bottom line, who's in charge?

Obviously a totally fine text from parent to child or boss to worker.

Gender not relevant.

You're lucky you got a please and thank you. I just get a "the trash needs to be taken out today"!

Please....thank you. I thought those words were a sign of politeness but I guess I'm wrong.

My grandfather used to order my grandmother to "Bring me the paper" at the end of the day. He was the best man I ever met in my life. Most generous to all. Funny and fun. Hard working. Loving. He took no payment during a downturn at his business. Switched religions because my grandmother wanted him to. This text means nothing unless there are other underlying factors.

How do people get through their day if they are brooding over a text about trash? All I can say is don't have kids. You'll be pining for the days that your biggest issue was that a text about trash wasn't classy enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

The person who wrote that text to you at 6 a.m. is wrong, not you. Period.

Why?

Even my boss is less…. Imperious? Than this.

Also, In thinking about it, the OP has some other issues and resentment here most likely.
Many times our fights are not about this thing that is “right in front of us”. This text is just a place holder for something deeper and maybe unknown to the OP on the surface level.

OP I would sit down and try to find what is really bothering you about this text and that may lead you down the road to what is really bothering you here. That behind the scenes issue is what you need to speak with DH about.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Is it trash day? If it has to go out today and the other person is not there to do it before the trucks arrive, it's not really a request. I don't see this as an order, more of a reminder (particularly about the hidden grass clippings bin, which is probably the reason the whole text exists. You were going to set out the trash, and they remembered there's a bin you might not think of including).

If I thought the tone was "off" for my personal relationship, I'd probably text back "Yessir, right away sir!" or "Aye aye, Cap'n" or something as a kind of joke reminder to ask more nicely, but you seem to be reacting in a much more passive aggressive way.

It seems fine with me. Is there some reason the responsibility should be on the recipient instead of the sender?

It seemed like an order? Do you live in the house?

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

I agree. You are not my boss. Ask, don't tell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Would you rather the person huffed and puffed and then sent a passive aggressive text saying something like "I guess I'll take the trash out this morning? Do they come today?" Which is obviously a request for you to take the trash out next time but super annoying. The best marriage advice I ever heard was, "Simply make the request. Do not expect the other person to figure it out and read your mind. Simply make the request." And this person did! And said thank you!

These are NOT the only two options: treat your spouse like an employee or huff.

typo fixed.

Eh. I didn't get an employee vibe. I think you maybe read into texts and assign feelings and intent when it's probably just a simple request meant to keep the trains (and garbage) running on time. But if you're looking for an issue, you're going to find it. Maybe that's what's happening here.