Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 12:05     Subject: How are we managing activities??
You need to hire an afternoon nanny that can drive.

My kids are still young - the 6yo is just in grade 1, and 3yo is still in daycare. 6yo has after school activities 3x a week right now (3yo has none), and it is manageable for me as I WFH 2-3 days a week (spouse is fully commuting), and my MIL can help in a pinch.

However, once my 3yo is also old enough to do multiple afterschool activities, I will be hiring an afterschool nanny that can drive schlep them around.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 11:31     Subject: How are we managing activities??
Hire someone. I see sitters in swim school and soccer practice.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 11:05     Subject: How are we managing activities??
The biggest thing for us is that school and weekday activities are close by. 90 min to pickup would never work!! But even then we need to plan carefully, stagger schedules, and not overcommit. DH works in person every day but goes in early so that he can leave by 330. My job is hybrid and it can be challenging if one of the kids has an activity on the day I’m in the office, but thankfully this fall we don’t have that conflict. Kids are on rec teams where the coaches are also working parents so practices never start before 5.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 10:17     Subject: How are we managing activities??
You sound like a good candidate for an au pair.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 09:28     Subject: Re:How are we managing activities??
I know a 2nd grader who has two siblings and takes two team sports in the same season… which means 2 different games every Saturday and two different practices after school during the week! Mom doesn’t work, but still I don’t know how she manages 3 kids in 3 different schools with their activities. I have 1 kid and I couldn’t imagine doing two team sports at once.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 08:29     Subject: Re:How are we managing activities??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know without a SAHP seems to have local grandparents to help in a pinch. I've mentioned carpooling to a couple, but it sounds like I'd be the needier one and it wouldn't be equal because of that. Is it OK to try to carpool if it turns out the other family doesn't want/need the help thanks to grandma?


It’s fine to ask. Whether they accept is up to them - just be clear about what you can do upfront.


We always take one of our neighborhood boys to practice with us because his parents can't.... They pay for gas since they can't ever take or pick up from practice. That seems like a fair trade to us
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 07:13     Subject: How are we managing activities??
I put my 2 kids in their aftercare program (one in preschool, and one in ES). And, their afterschool activities happen between 5pm to 7pm, and sometimes online zoom 8pm to 9pm. I don't have to make up much work in the evening hours, but we are in a rush to get dinner ready or carry out most of the time.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 20:41     Subject: How are we managing activities??
I leave the office at 3:30 and hop back online in the evenings.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 22:24     Subject: How are we managing activities??
My husband works from home. He is on bus/pick up duty on the days I go in to the office, but I do also try to leave before 4:00pm those days.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 21:46     Subject: How are we managing activities??
2 ES aged kids. 2 parents with hybrid jobs. Both parents can catch up on work in the evening and neither has complete flexibility (Aka afternoon meetings).

1 afternoon a week we have a babysitter pick up the kids and hang out with them. No activities that day.
In general, mom picks up 2-3 days a week and dad does 1-2 days.
Each kid can have 1 weekday activity. Generally, we don’t have to leave for those activities until 4.45 or 5.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 19:08     Subject: How are we managing activities??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.


Basically this. And in many ways key choices have to be made before you even have kids or when they’re really young, before you even know what life with ES age kids will look like.

I purposely chose a lower pressure/more flexible job after I got married/before kids because I didn’t see how two of us could work really demanding jobs and make it all work. It has permanently reduced my salary and career advancement options. When I am at work meetings or gatherings for professional organizations I tend to feel inadequate and less accomplished compared to others in the room. But most of the time in day to day life I see how beneficial my choice was for my family. I am leaving work now so I can be home for the bus and get one of my kids to a sports practice that starts at 5. I will hop back on the computer around 9 pm and do a couple more hours of work as I do many nights.

I think the choice that I made was generally the right one for me, but others could vary understandably choose differently. I’m sure some part of me will always wonder what I could’ve accomplished in my career if we had the family support to allow both parents to put in long hours away from home. I think it’s perfectly OK to limit the number of activities kids do if their parents’ work schedule does not allow for it.


Glad that works for you but some people do ‘have it all’ For example, the dual physician, kids, afternoon nanny families referred to above.


+1 It’s not “having it all” to have a nanny schlep your kids around.

I think having it all would be if one of the parents would not need to work so they can make sure the kids are well taken care of by their parent, but that’s me. The friends I know who were raised by nannies are fun but the lack of parental care is clear. It seems we all have different ideas of “having it all.”