Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for grandma to help

Time to sign up for before care and aftercare at school. My kids are in school from 7am-6pm with both before and aftercare!

Poor kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for grandma to help

Time to sign up for before care and aftercare at school. My kids are in school from 7am-6pm with both before and aftercare!

A nanny works well too, plus does laundry, shopping, and meal prep, so you can spend more quality time with the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I currently make about $30k less than I should. The flexibility my job allows is crazy wonderful. Not to mention 4 weeks sick/personal and unlimited vacation. Plus flexible hours. DH is a Fed and a much more rigid schedule, but makes much more than me. It works for us.

Just assume you'll be missing a bunch of school related activities. Also since your kid is starting K be ready for a year of illnesses. Even if your kid went to daycare/preschool, it's a whole new set of germs in elementary.

I'd definitely consider finding a new job that gives you more PTO, some work flexibility, etc. Or have a chat with your manager in the very least.

I’m a fed (female GS 15) as well and stayed in government specifically because of the relative flexibility it has provided in allowing me to take time off for childcare/events. Funnily (or not) my female counterparts all tend to be the default/primary parent and manage to juggle career demands and advancement with family needs, whereas my male counterparts at the same level all seem to have wives who handle the brunt of childcare. I’m fairly confident most have convinced their wives that their schedules are far more rigid and demanding than is truly the case.

Curious how you finesse this? I'm a male GS15 but my DW actually has a BigLaw job so I'm much more of the default parent (though she still steps in because there are times when the mom is expected and we are tired of going against the grain).

But as the spouse who takes the kids to appointments, stays home when sick, etc etc, I do get a lot of the feeling that my coworkers who are the breadwinner spouse with a preschool teacher wife, they wonder why I'm "not pulling my weight" by not leaving it to my wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I currently make about $30k less than I should. The flexibility my job allows is crazy wonderful. Not to mention 4 weeks sick/personal and unlimited vacation. Plus flexible hours. DH is a Fed and a much more rigid schedule, but makes much more than me. It works for us.

Just assume you'll be missing a bunch of school related activities. Also since your kid is starting K be ready for a year of illnesses. Even if your kid went to daycare/preschool, it's a whole new set of germs in elementary.

I'd definitely consider finding a new job that gives you more PTO, some work flexibility, etc. Or have a chat with your manager in the very least.

I’m a fed (female GS 15) as well and stayed in government specifically because of the relative flexibility it has provided in allowing me to take time off for childcare/events. Funnily (or not) my female counterparts all tend to be the default/primary parent and manage to juggle career demands and advancement with family needs, whereas my male counterparts at the same level all seem to have wives who handle the brunt of childcare. I’m fairly confident most have convinced their wives that their schedules are far more rigid and demanding than is truly the case.

I guess they can deal with their wives low incomes in 10 years, when double income couples have built 3m nest egg by 45 years old and sailed off to sunset. They still have mortgages to pay...

Honestly, two GS15 are not retiring at 45 with 2 kids.

Sure if one spouse has a BIG job maybe, but then you need to have the low income wife to make that happen. And its not like a big job is option for all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You skip them.

This. We are a two-teacher family. We never make any of our own children’s events. If Grandma isn’t available, our kids just don’t go (meet and greets, etc).

Two-teacher family here too. One of us will take time off for something like a parent-teacher conference, just as we would for something like a scheduled dentist or another doctor appointment.

Our Back to School Nights are in the evening. Parents don't come to our class parties. Someone earlier mentioned those.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I currently make about $30k less than I should. The flexibility my job allows is crazy wonderful. Not to mention 4 weeks sick/personal and unlimited vacation. Plus flexible hours. DH is a Fed and a much more rigid schedule, but makes much more than me. It works for us.

Just assume you'll be missing a bunch of school related activities. Also since your kid is starting K be ready for a year of illnesses. Even if your kid went to daycare/preschool, it's a whole new set of germs in elementary.

I'd definitely consider finding a new job that gives you more PTO, some work flexibility, etc. Or have a chat with your manager in the very least.

I’m a fed (female GS 15) as well and stayed in government specifically because of the relative flexibility it has provided in allowing me to take time off for childcare/events. Funnily (or not) my female counterparts all tend to be the default/primary parent and manage to juggle career demands and advancement with family needs, whereas my male counterparts at the same level all seem to have wives who handle the brunt of childcare. I’m fairly confident most have convinced their wives that their schedules are far more rigid and demanding than is truly the case.

I guess they can deal with their wives low incomes in 10 years, when double income couples have built 3m nest egg by 45 years old and sailed off to sunset. They still have mortgages to pay...

Anonymous wrote:You skip them.

This. We are a two-teacher family. We never make any of our own children’s events. If Grandma isn’t available, our kids just don’t go (meet and greets, etc).

Anonymous wrote:This is why I currently make about $30k less than I should. The flexibility my job allows is crazy wonderful. Not to mention 4 weeks sick/personal and unlimited vacation. Plus flexible hours. DH is a Fed and a much more rigid schedule, but makes much more than me. It works for us.

Just assume you'll be missing a bunch of school related activities. Also since your kid is starting K be ready for a year of illnesses. Even if your kid went to daycare/preschool, it's a whole new set of germs in elementary.

I'd definitely consider finding a new job that gives you more PTO, some work flexibility, etc. Or have a chat with your manager in the very least.

I’m a fed (female GS 15) as well and stayed in government specifically because of the relative flexibility it has provided in allowing me to take time off for childcare/events. Funnily (or not) my female counterparts all tend to be the default/primary parent and manage to juggle career demands and advancement with family needs, whereas my male counterparts at the same level all seem to have wives who handle the brunt of childcare. I’m fairly confident most have convinced their wives that their schedules are far more rigid and demanding than is truly the case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest just started kindergarten and I am very quickly understanding how schools plan commitments often during the work day. My DD had orientation at 10am two Fridays ago and tomorrow she has back to school "night" bash from 3:30-5pm.

I only have 10 days PTO per year. DH works at a late stage start up, but no one else on his team has kids including his boss. Our friends' kids are all still infants/toddlers so I'm hoping to crowd source here from veteran working parents.

I'm genuinely wondering how you handle school activities with your job. Do you say hey my kid has xyz, can I duck out an hour early? Do you use your PTO? How many things do you try to make it to?

We need to dig more into your DH situation. He refuses to use his leave because no one else has kids?

I just attended my kindergarten’s 9 am on a weekday “meet the teacher”/open house event. There are 20 kids in my child’s class. 16 moms and 2 dads (one with their spouse and one as the sole attending parent) showed up.

This is not an issue specific to OP’s DH.

In my experience everyone handles it differently. In my neighborhood a lot of parents work from home, so when there are school events during the day, one or both parents will duck out for a bit to attend. In my kids public school, there aren't a ton of middle of the day events that parents have to attend, but there are TONS of half days and days off of school.

We manage by having our kids go to aftercare a few days a week, so they can also go there for half days or days off.

Its pretty much a juggling act and you have to figure out what works for you!

This is why I currently make about $30k less than I should. The flexibility my job allows is crazy wonderful. Not to mention 4 weeks sick/personal and unlimited vacation. Plus flexible hours. DH is a Fed and a much more rigid schedule, but makes much more than me. It works for us.

Just assume you'll be missing a bunch of school related activities. Also since your kid is starting K be ready for a year of illnesses. Even if your kid went to daycare/preschool, it's a whole new set of germs in elementary.

I'd definitely consider finding a new job that gives you more PTO, some work flexibility, etc. Or have a chat with your manager in the very least.

Beginning and end of school year are going to have the most events so this won’t be typical. Depending on your school there may be more or less other work hour events but those are all optional and it’s totally okay not to volunteer to supervise every field trip or go to every music assembly. Personally, I tried to do at least some proportion for my kids sake, but if it’s a real hardship you can look for other solutions (ask grandma or a close family friend to come to one, send her to meet the teacher with a babysitter, make a big deal about the recorder concert and have friends send video that you watch together that evening while eating celebratory ice cream so kid knows you care even if you can’t be there). At our school with many working class families not having parents at everything definitely was the norm so kids don’t feel left out, but having at least one parent with flexibly is really helpful.

Anonymous wrote:LOL, someone else does these things with your kids. You get to earn money.

A lot of your kid childhood will be sans you. You will get used to it and they will get used to it. There is a price to pay for every choice.

Plenty of us work and also are able to attend all of those things.
OP just needs a job with better PTO. Entry level Feds get 15 days, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest just started kindergarten and I am very quickly understanding how schools plan commitments often during the work day. My DD had orientation at 10am two Fridays ago and tomorrow she has back to school "night" bash from 3:30-5pm.

I only have 10 days PTO per year. DH works at a late stage start up, but no one else on his team has kids including his boss. Our friends' kids are all still infants/toddlers so I'm hoping to crowd source here from veteran working parents.

I'm genuinely wondering how you handle school activities with your job. Do you say hey my kid has xyz, can I duck out an hour early? Do you use your PTO? How many things do you try to make it to?

Are you very junior or just back to the work force? 10 days PTO is bare minimum. That's what I get at my first job at 22.

Be very, very careful about the bolded. That sounds like my DH isn't going to do any of the kid stuff. Nope. My husband also worked at start ups when my kids were young. Some days you get up and leave and do what you need to do and then you make up the hours at night or on the weekend.

In public school, they won't have too many things during the school day. If you're in private school, switch to public is my serious advice. Private school actually requires a lot of time from parents and the expectation and norm is people have that time.

Anonymous wrote:I know this wasn’t part of your question but you also need to start thinking about camp and get ready for those registrations that typically happen starting in January. To me, the hardest part of 2 working parents is the summer, because camps are all over the place with different schedules.

I think the kid getting sick was hardest because it is unexpected and day care is not an option.