Anonymous wrote:So if you're low drama, why are you making a thing out of this?

Have you seen them since? have they moved on and returned to how they've always been? If so, why are you stirring this up?

Can't you just give them the benefit of the doubt that B maybe needed time to process her feelings and talk it over with a friend - maybe asking A if she's being overly sensitive or whatever. Person A tells B that you all have been out a few times and if she's still upset by it, to talk to you directly. Maybe B agrees and the next time you're all out, B doesn't say anything but A knows B was planning to so tells her to just be honest and upfront.

That's not dramatic. Tht's just life. You're so ready to drop two friends because of this one confrontation. Deny it all you want, but you're overly sensitive and making a big deal out of nothing.

Anonymous wrote:Person A did a little pot stirring too, here, by the way.

Anonymous wrote:Ghost them. 3 is a crowd. You will never feel comfortable with them.

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is being overly sensitive. So, her friends can't confront her when their feelings get hurt by something she says? And it has to be one on one? Seems like OP is the one that is creating drama.

I've been at dinners where someone tells me I hurt their feelings or did them wrong somehow. It's not a big deal. I either explain myself or apologize or both and we all move on. What's the big deal that person A was at the dinner?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Person A did a little pot stirring too, here, by the way.

Exactly. Person A should have told B that she was complaining loudly and constantly about this man, so of course someone whose never met him would think he's a jerk. Not "nudge under the table" type nonsense. I'd give Person A some side eye here too. I'd be wary of them both.

Whoa - Person A did the exact right thing. If Person B kept complaining about OP behind her back, Person A did the right thing to say to Person B - stop complaining. If you didn't like what OP said, let's get together and just tell her. Person A didn't want to gossip about OP and told B to own her feelings, let OP know and move on.

The exact opposite of bringing drama.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. Any thoughts about friend A, who organized the dinner and then urged B to talk to me? I suppose they talked about me behind my back and cooked up this plan to confront me. I have other friends who talk plainly and tell me right away if there's an issue, thankfully.

Unlike PP who thinks A is a pot stirrer, I like to give folks the benefit of the doubt. It's obvious B told A how she felt about your comments - doesn't mean they were "talking about you behind your back" though. It could be that B told A how she felt and A encouraged her to talk to you rather than let it fester, etc. Could be innocent. I'd take a step back and look at the complete person before making assumptions.

You could always reach out to A and simply ask and say that you were uncomfortable because you felt ganged up on or something to that effect. Keep it classy and don't "talk about B" but rather from a stance of you trying to understand the dynamic and you can be honest and say that you're evaluating the newish relationship(s).

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Anonymous wrote:Person A did a little pot stirring too, here, by the way.

Exactly. Person A should have told B that she was complaining loudly and constantly about this man, so of course someone whose never met him would think he's a jerk. Not "nudge under the table" type nonsense. I'd give Person A some side eye here too. I'd be wary of them both.

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Anonymous wrote:She sounds insufferable, OP, and you are not the arsehole, but just so you know: never outright criticize a spouse or ex-spouse directly. Even if they really deserve it! Because the person you're talking to will have complicated feelings about it, and even if SHE thinks he was a jerk, YOU don't get to say the same thing.

One of those unwritten rules that trip up innocent bystanders

+1000000000 well said.

Plus he’s the father of her kid(s) she won’t want you insulting hat or bringing criticism of him around them.

So agreeing with a friend saying x is a jerk is insulting? “My x is a jerk!” -yeah it sound a like he’s a jerk!

Op here and I understand this rule. Another example: you are mad at your sister and complain to your best friend about her. Your friend calls your sister a b word and you then feel like kicking your best friend's @$$. In my case, I had listened and kept quiet on at least 25 occasions to her disparage her cheating ex. The day I said something was a day where I was sleep deprived, pmsing and had a headache. I wasn't at my best. I want friends who I can relax around. I don't want to walk on eggshells and stay quiet when I hear soneone say the same toxic things again and again.

Anonymous wrote:Person A did a little pot stirring too, here, by the way.

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Anonymous wrote:I'll add that B is a PITA and yes, high drama. I would not foster the relationship based on what you've said here. And it doesn't have to be nasty - but just like dating, not every girl is every other girls friend - and that's ok.

I agree. This is too much work for someone you don't know that well or like that much.

I don't think you have to cut her out altogether, but I would not see her very often.

Anonymous wrote:I'll add that B is a PITA and yes, high drama. I would not foster the relationship based on what you've said here. And it doesn't have to be nasty - but just like dating, not every girl is every other girls friend - and that's ok.

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Anonymous wrote:She's probably borderline personality disorder.

UGH. Good old DCUM, with someone always arriving to play armchair shrink and slap a diagnosis on garden-variety human behaviors.

Plus: Even if you were 100 percent right with your diagnosis, how in the world does it help OP? Answer: It doesn't.

Uh oh another BPD/NPD gaslighter is here. This is not garden variety human behavior.

You sure know therapy speak and diagnosis words but just because someone is being ridiculous doesn't mean they have mental health issues. Let me guess - the next thing you'll say has something to do with "toxic" and "boundaries". :P