Anonymous
09/04/2023 21:22
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're always one step ahead. You are the initiator and he is the follower. He probably admires his big brother. Look at it like this.
Why did you get the impression that op is a man? You don't think women can join the military and be a fly? They did mention they bought a handbag!
Anonymous
08/21/2023 18:23
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
It sounds like you're always one step ahead. You are the initiator and he is the follower. He probably admires his big brother. Look at it like this.
Anonymous
08/21/2023 16:40
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The car thing is hilarious. I have in-laws tbat have done this kind of things with a car. They also decided to buy a house right after we did. People are so weird. We aren’t competing with them but they’re somehow competing with us. It’s weird.
Could it also be that your purchase simply spurred your ILs to think, "you know, we should make a change"?
Maybe but so did our car purchase. Our home renovation. Our beach trip. We scheduled on and they scheduled one two weeks later. It's possible that all of this and much more is coincidental but eventually you just start to expect these things. It's become a running joke between us any time we do something or spend money on something new or nice. "How long until they buy a new car now?" Then they buy the car. It's crazy.
OP, it’s time to start distancing yourself from this psycho-drama. You’re also getting something out of this. Distance yourself and identify what it is that you continue to share enough information and have such a relationship where you need to share all this info about your life. You need to drop the rope with him and your parents and learn how to stop competing. Go do some more volunteer work with the less fortunate, stop being focused on this.
Anonymous
08/19/2023 22:55
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As an only child with friends and relatives from larger families, I have observed that inter-sibling competition motivates a lot of the dynamics in many families. It's amazing to me how big of a force it plays in peoples' lives. I've seen it over and over again.
The old saw with siblings used to be "let them work it out themselves," but some psychologists now think that may be a mistake, especially when one sibling repeatedly dominates another. The conflicts can extend into adulthood, even to their graves.
This post could be a troll with the very specific examples given, but it may be true. Regardless, I would wager that the brother admires the older sibling and likes their tastes and wouldn't give it much more thought.
Family usually have the same tastes. Nothing op described sounds impressive to me, especially not a Kate spade bag (maybe being a pilot, so he can travel often). That doesn't mean he's copying, as your circle's culture will likely lean towards the same brands and signs of accomplishment. My siblings lean towards the same tastes in brands, foods and travel so we often get jealous about each others travels. It's not one upping or an attempt to specifically target each other by going to far-flung destinations so much as its our personal desire/taste that happens to be similar.
You'd never hack it that long in the military.
Anonymous
08/18/2023 13:40
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As an only child with friends and relatives from larger families, I have observed that inter-sibling competition motivates a lot of the dynamics in many families. It's amazing to me how big of a force it plays in peoples' lives. I've seen it over and over again.
The old saw with siblings used to be "let them work it out themselves," but some psychologists now think that may be a mistake, especially when one sibling repeatedly dominates another. The conflicts can extend into adulthood, even to their graves.
This post could be a troll with the very specific examples given, but it may be true. Regardless, I would wager that the brother admires the older sibling and likes their tastes and wouldn't give it much more thought.
Agree. I have a good friend that sometimes buys the same things I've bought (up to and including a car). But it's because she knows that I've researched it to death and have similar requirements to her for what I want in a product.
And, unfortunately, you're not going to be able to change how your parents act, so you need to try to change how you think about it.
Anonymous
08/18/2023 11:21
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The car thing is hilarious. I have in-laws tbat have done this kind of things with a car. They also decided to buy a house right after we did. People are so weird. We aren’t competing with them but they’re somehow competing with us. It’s weird.
Could it also be that your purchase simply spurred your ILs to think, "you know, we should make a change"?
Maybe but so did our car purchase. Our home renovation. Our beach trip. We scheduled on and they scheduled one two weeks later. It's possible that all of this and much more is coincidental but eventually you just start to expect these things. It's become a running joke between us any time we do something or spend money on something new or nice. "How long until they buy a new car now?" Then they buy the car. It's crazy.
Anonymous
08/18/2023 10:11
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
Anonymous wrote:The car thing is hilarious. I have in-laws tbat have done this kind of things with a car. They also decided to buy a house right after we did. People are so weird. We aren’t competing with them but they’re somehow competing with us. It’s weird.
Could it also be that your purchase simply spurred your ILs to think, "you know, we should make a change"?
Anonymous
08/18/2023 10:07
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
The car thing is hilarious. I have in-laws tbat have done this kind of things with a car. They also decided to buy a house right after we did. People are so weird. We aren’t competing with them but they’re somehow competing with us. It’s weird.
Anonymous
08/18/2023 10:01
Subject: My brother copies everything I do - but better
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm cracking up at " aspirational luxury handbag" too much to respond properly.
That's an actual descriptor.
DP, I’m so glad I don’t live in a world in which aspirational handbags are a thing LOL
OP here. My point was that his copying extends all the way from a decades-long career in the military to a $400 Kate Spade bag.
Now we know you're full of sh*. Kate Spade is not aspirational luxury.