Anonymous
08/03/2023 09:09
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:All of these responses bother me. They all operate from the assumption that being a short male is a bad thing, that you should be reassuring your son that he will eventually be taller. I think it is better to help him learn how to laugh off teasing and find lots of things to feel confident about in himself.
For context: my husband never got his growth spurt. He is 5'4" (he claims), but I am 5'2" and it seems to me we see eye to eye. His height used to bother him, too, when he was that age, but he did learn just to go with it, and the teasing was always friendly teasing among friends, not taunting.
If one lives one's life as if height doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter.
Height is a genetic thing. We don't tell people to hang in there and hope that their genetic "shortcoming" might get better. So why do we do this with height?
It's sort of like society-sanctioned height "bigotry."
Body positivity, folks!!! Height, weight, build, complexion, nose size, hair, whatever.
So, I totally agree in principle. Height doesn't matter and there are so many things that are more important. However, for a young boy, it DOES matter and I think acknowledging that it's tough is OK. I think OP is trying to get some feedback on ways to comfort him and that's perfectly fine. My DS who is a toddler is very small (1% in weight) and I think about this as a mother often does. He's a wonderful kid and he's smart and funny and kind. I know that's what matters but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about others picking on him.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 08:57
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:Op - he needs to lift. Weight lift. He needs to know how. He needs to go to the weight room, making that part of his routine at school. That will help him reach his maximum height. No supplements, no drugs --- not saying that
I’m an earlier pp whose son (unlike OP’s) really is short and there is no scientific basis to this statement, though by all means OP’s son should work out if he wants to.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 08:55
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Op - he needs to lift. Weight lift. He needs to know how. He needs to go to the weight room, making that part of his routine at school. That will help him reach his maximum height. No supplements, no drugs --- not saying that
Anonymous
08/03/2023 08:53
Subject: Re:Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:
All of these responses bother me. They all operate from the assumption that being a short male is a bad thing, that you should be reassuring your son that he will eventually be taller. I think it is better to help him learn how to laugh off teasing and find lots of things to feel confident about in himself.
For context: my husband never got his growth spurt. He is 5'4" (he claims), but I am 5'2" and it seems to me we see eye to eye. His height used to bother him, too, when he was that age, but he did learn just to go with it, and the teasing was always friendly teasing among friends, not taunting.
That's a fair point. I don't think friends are teasing him, exactly. He does not like that they sometimes do things like pick him up if a group photo is being taken (he is also skinny). I don't know that he has ever expressed that he dislikes this, but he really shouldn't have to say that - it's a weird thing to do.
OP teach your son to stick up for himself. Just expecting other kids to behave the way you hope they will often doesn’t work. You sound like you are wallowing in this at least as much as he is. Help him embrace where he is physically right now and celebrate him for who he is.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 08:39
Subject: Re:Son feels bad about height
It is really tough to be short entering high school because it makes it so much harder to try to make a sports team. So I totally get it OP.
Both my boys played sports well enough to do club and all star teams in different sports in elementary and middle school. Unfortunately they both entered high school one at 5'2" and one at 5'4". So neither bother trying out for basketball even though one player club in 4-6th and did well. In soccer the one who was really a technically skilled player who could read the ball really well got pushed off the ball and then got a bone in his foot broken when a 200 plus pound player came down onto his foot during tryouts. The other son really wanted to do football but is just too light even though he is fast and has "good hands" when he has played flag football.
How about gymnastics? Being short is an advantage in that sport!
OP here. He did two high school sports as an 8th grader. Not gymnastics or soccer. It's more of a social issue for him than a sports issue.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 08:36
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:https://youtu.be/ZbG05ePWRQE
Yeah I wonder why guys are so self conscious about it
Wow, man did I luck out in life. 5’5” guy who always thought he was average. Must have been surrounded by really nice people (and there were shorter guys at my school, so that helps delusion).
Anonymous
08/03/2023 07:56
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Anonymous
08/03/2023 07:51
Subject: Re:Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My 19yo ds is 5'6". He is probably done growing. It sucks, tbh. People comment on his height ALL. THE. TIME. It's practically a daily occurrence. Even shorter girls and guys who are 5'8"/5'9" make digs about him being short.
We've done all we can to build his confidence and remind him of all he has going for him, which is a lot. Tell him everyone has their gifts and their crosses to bear. It's tough.
Mine is 18 and nobody says anything to him about his height. I thought it would be more of an issue over the years but it has been a non-issue.
Wow has the world gotten meaner? I’m a 50 year old 5’5” man and have never received a comment about my height??
Anonymous
08/03/2023 07:49
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:My rising 9th grader feels very self-conscious about his height. He is 5'4 1/2" inches, so definitely short, but not insanely so. He is also relatively young for his grade (his birthday is 9/1). He does take some teasing about it from friends, as many of his friends are close to six feet tall (there are of course other boys relatively closer to him in height at school, like 5'6" or 5'8", but his close friends happen to be very tall).
I'm not sure what else I can say to him to make him feel better about this. He seems to still be growing, so the situation will improve, but he is just unlikely to wind up being especially tall. He has a girlfriend who is slightly taller than him (5'5"), and is happy in the relationship, so I am not sure why he is as hung up on this as he is.
He’s already ahead of me. I was a 5’5” guy who hung out with 6’2” buds, and I didn’t even realize I was short until I was an adult — I thought I just hung out with tall people.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 07:47
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don’t think that’s actually short. It’s basically average. My kid that age is 5’6.5”, and that’s over 70th percentile. He must just have tall friends.
Isn’t this average? I don’t think this is 70%.
This is for 14-year-old boys, not adult height.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 07:33
Subject: Re:Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:My 19yo ds is 5'6". He is probably done growing. It sucks, tbh. People comment on his height ALL. THE. TIME. It's practically a daily occurrence. Even shorter girls and guys who are 5'8"/5'9" make digs about him being short.
We've done all we can to build his confidence and remind him of all he has going for him, which is a lot. Tell him everyone has their gifts and their crosses to bear. It's tough.
Mine is 18 and nobody says anything to him about his height. I thought it would be more of an issue over the years but it has been a non-issue.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 06:01
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:It is really tough to be short entering high school because it makes it so much harder to try to make a sports team. So I totally get it OP.
Both my boys played sports well enough to do club and all star teams in different sports in elementary and middle school. Unfortunately they both entered high school one at 5'2" and one at 5'4". So neither bother trying out for basketball even though one player club in 4-6th and did well. In soccer the one who was really a technically skilled player who could read the ball really well got pushed off the ball and then got a bone in his foot broken when a 200 plus pound player came down onto his foot during tryouts. The other son really wanted to do football but is just too light even though he is fast and has "good hands" when he has played flag football.
How about gymnastics? Being short is an advantage in that sport!
Anonymous
08/03/2023 05:23
Subject: Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think that’s actually short. It’s basically average. My kid that age is 5’6.5”, and that’s over 70th percentile. He must just have tall friends.
Isn’t this average? I don’t think this is 70%.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 01:25
Subject: Re:Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My 19yo ds is 5'6". He is probably done growing. It sucks, tbh. People comment on his height ALL. THE. TIME. It's practically a daily occurrence. Even shorter girls and guys who are 5'8"/5'9" make digs about him being short.
We've done all we can to build his confidence and remind him of all he has going for him, which is a lot. Tell him everyone has their gifts and their crosses to bear. It's tough.
He should consider moving to Europe - specifically Portugal, Spain, Italy, France
But even other countries in Europe with taller people are not as explicitly heightist.
Have him do study abroad in Madrid, Lisbon or Italy for a year to try it out
WTF? Or just tell him he is amazing the way he is.
That doesn’t help his immediate prospects
A cool 5’6 American guy of intelligence and means absolutely kills it - even in Western Europe.
Anonymous
08/03/2023 00:24
Subject: Re:Son feels bad about height
Anonymous wrote:My 19yo ds is 5'6". He is probably done growing. It sucks, tbh. People comment on his height ALL. THE. TIME. It's practically a daily occurrence. Even shorter girls and guys who are 5'8"/5'9" make digs about him being short.
We've done all we can to build his confidence and remind him of all he has going for him, which is a lot. Tell him everyone has their gifts and their crosses to bear. It's tough.
I'm short, from a short family, married to someone who is 5'6" and raising a short son.
If you are telling your son things like, "everyone has their cross to bear" in regards to his height, you are part of the problem. Instead, if you treat his height like a fact of life, it'll be easier for him to do the same. He may even get less comments if he's able to respond to friends nonchalantly as opposed to being bothered.
I'm not saying society isn't going to be hard on him regardless. Here, it is better to be tall as a boy. Still, he doesn't have to give this issue a lot of headspace.