Anonymous wrote:I’m still trying to figure out why your husband needs help.

Perhaps he works long hours. Sheesh.

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL a doesn’t want to help. Listen to her and find alternate arrangements.

This. Putting a child on a cross country flight alone is not a good idea. You need another plan that does not involve grandma.

We don't have local family either and our parents always said no when we asked for help so we stopped asking.

You hire a sitter. I hired an older woman (a retired grandmother) who I knew was a good driver that did babysitting to pick up my kids from school, take them to their activities, etc. when I was out of town and my DH couldn't leave his office.

This isn't rocket science. Your situation isn't unique. Figure it out.

Who are these men who can't handle their kid for a week. And this is even worse since it's only ONE kid. Sheesh. Real men don't skip a beat when wives go out of town, just like how wives manage just fine.

Anonymous wrote:You need an occasional babysitter who can also take on afternoons as needed.

To focus on the fact that your mil doesn’t want to fly cross country to fill this need is kind of ridiculous.

This. It’s not hard to line up occasional babysitters. For a working couple, it’s the responsible thing to do. An IL on the other side of the country who doesn’t like to travel is not a good backup plan.

I’m not surprised MIL keeps these 2 at arm’s length. I wouldn’t want to help them either with OP’s negativity and the DH’s incompetence. At this point you should have developed backup plans that don’t involve flying people across the country to do free labor for an entitled DIL.

Anonymous wrote:Geez, what a warped, self-centered view so many of you have. The MIL didn't say 'no'. She offered a solution that allows her to say, 'yes'. If she didn't want to help, she wouldn't have offered a solution.

The MIL also doesn't owe anyone a reason for why she cannot watch OP's kid in OP's home. As so many of us are fond of saying, 'it doesn't work' for her. Just because someone doesn't conform to your expectations or give you what you ask/demand doesn't mean they're making it all about them.

If you're go to solution to needing someone to do pick up a few days a week is to fly someone from across the country to do it, you've got a lot of other problems.

Are we reading the same thread? I am reading a lot of support for the MIL and very little criticism, if any.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

If you want guaranteed child care, you pay for it. Period. It’s great when grandparents want to help or agree to help, but if they don’t want to or the time frame doesn’t work for them, oh well.

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL a doesn’t want to help. Listen to her and find alternate arrangements.

This!

You have to love the added snark OP throws in about MIL coming "only once a year, that DH pays for". Like MIL has some huge, ongoing debt to her incompetent son and his entitled wife.

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

It's her right to say no.
And you should not feel defensive at the suggestion that you're ridiculous for not sending your child alone on a cross-country flight - I certainly would not!

So just say no, I am not sending my child across the country by themselves.

Work out with your husband what sort of solution is available to you.

Also, maybe you'll find at some later date that your family doesn't really have the funds to pay for your MIL's travel to visit you. That will just be too bad, won't it?

OP doesn't even say that the MIL is calling her ridiculous or anything. All we know is that MIL made a suggestion because she has commitments that mean she can't travel that week.

OP,

It's her right to say no.
And you should not feel defensive at the suggestion that you're ridiculous for not sending your child alone on a cross-country flight - I certainly would not!

So just say no, I am not sending my child across the country by themselves.

Work out with your husband what sort of solution is available to you.

Also, maybe you'll find at some later date that your family doesn't really have the funds to pay for your MIL's travel to visit you. That will just be too bad, won't it?

Geez, what a warped, self-centered view so many of you have. The MIL didn't say 'no'. She offered a solution that allows her to say, 'yes'. If she didn't want to help, she wouldn't have offered a solution.

The MIL also doesn't owe anyone a reason for why she cannot watch OP's kid in OP's home. As so many of us are fond of saying, 'it doesn't work' for her. Just because someone doesn't conform to your expectations or give you what you ask/demand doesn't mean they're making it all about them.

If you're go to solution to needing someone to do pick up a few days a week is to fly someone from across the country to do it, you've got a lot of other problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your husband incompetent?

This is a little unfair. My husband is very competent, but we still need help when I travel, because he has fixed work commitments that mean he can't make pickup 2 to 3 days a week. We don't sign up for a full year of aftercare to cover a couple full week trips. (We also don't expect my parents to come from hours away, but my point is that competence isn't really the issue.)

If you travel regularly and you don’t have family help available in town then you need to come up with an alternate plan.

You need an occasional babysitter who can also take on afternoons as needed.

To focus on the fact that your mil doesn’t want to fly cross country to fill this need is kind of ridiculous.