Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also pregnant with my 5th and I feel terrible. My fourth child was so easy that we feel like she didn't count. Slept through the night, smooth sailing, hits her milestones.

I have a 6 year old with special needs.

I ask this respectfully, so why have this child? What happens to the three who aren't sn if this one also has special needs/disabilities? I think it's really selfish to bring another child into this world when you have four who need you so much.

I thought it was about the right to choose, not where parents of special needs kids are shamed if they have more. Maybe PP can handle another kid. Why judge?

I have 4 kids, ages 15-4, the 4th child was a surprise, IUD baby. It was definitely nerve-wracking at first, but she is the best surprise that ever happened to us! All the kids are involved in their own sports and activities, so there is a lot of running around. Sometimes they have to go to a sibling's event, but that is just part of being a family. We may have lucked out, but our kids do genuinely love each other and enjoy spending family time together. I think one thing, is that it is important to make sure family stuff is not just based around one age group. For example, if we go camping and the older kids want to take kayaks out, my husband and I divide and conquer. Someone takes the teen/preteen kayaking and someone takes the little kids to a playground or something. That way no one feels like they are missing out, and the older kids don't resent the little kids for causing them to miss out on fun. The kids do squabble sometimes (who knew a 15 y/o can argue with a 4 yr old...), but that's just life and doesn't happen all that often.

I think the transition from 3 to 4 kids wasn't all that difficult. We had 6.5 months to get used to the idea, and by the time baby got here everyone was excited to meet her. There is a certain level of noise that comes along with 3 kids, and it seems like a 4th doesn't make our house all that much louder or busier. There are more activities we have to go to, but my oldest is 15. We don't have to stay at all his meetings/practices, since they are geared for dropping off/picking up teenagers. The older kids stay home alone if they want, so they are not constantly dragged to little kid stuff. Our money and time are stretched thinner in some ways, but our kids have everything they need and a lot of the things they want. I do not come from a big family myself, and I love that we were able to establish a bigger household than I came from.

Anonymous wrote:I'm also pregnant with my 5th and I feel terrible. My fourth child was so easy that we feel like she didn't count. Slept through the night, smooth sailing, hits her milestones.

I have a 6 year old with special needs.

I ask this respectfully, so why have this child? What happens to the three who aren't sn if this one also has special needs/disabilities? I think it's really selfish to bring another child into this world when you have four who need you so much.

The doc was interested in being a mom. The high powered ones were interested in *saying* they were a mom. That's the difference.

I know a mom of 4 with a high-powered government job and her husband is a professor. His schedule was always more flexible than hers so he was the primary caretaker when the kids were small. All of their kids are well-adjusted, well-mannered, and seem to be doing great. The two oldest ones got into prestigious universities; the other two are still school age. It is possible to make it work.

Anonymous wrote:My doc (primary care) stopped practicing after her 4th child. She said she really had to choose and she chose "being a mom", her words.

This really depends on income, extended family support, partner's income, what people prioritize, how close the kids are in age...many factors. I know moms of 4 who stay home and moms of 4 who work high-powered jobs. The latter tend to have very high incomes and their kids are sort of spaced out so it's not 4 in daycare at once.