Anonymous wrote:Probably southside Chicago or something like that.

I'd keep passing on invites and not care what the child's parents think. Your responsibility is your kid, not worrying about others' feelings.

Yes. It doesn't matter here whether the neighborhood feels unsafe to others. What matters is that OP is not comfortable with it.

Probably southside Chicago or something like that.

I'd keep passing on invites and not care what the child's parents think. Your responsibility is your kid, not worrying about others' feelings.

Anonymous wrote:How would you all respond if you found out that a friend's family had a gun in their house that was not secure?

It may not be the same thing, but assuming the area is indeed pretty dangerous, it's still concerning.

this can happen in the safest of neighborhoods. We ask about guns before any of our kids can go to a friends house. It is amazing what you hear and there are several homes our children do not go to.

Because of the sensitive nature of this situation, I would try to avoid addressing it directly and continue inviting the friend to your house and avoiding letting my kid go to their house. If you're asked by the other parent why your kid never can seem to come over, that will be the time to have a discussion. As uncomfortable as it will be.

I have zero problem with keeping my kid out of situations where I feel they may be unsafe. I don't even let my kids visit a close family member who has two pit bulls.

The replies with people saying it's elitist or classist or whatever, I suspect have never been in a similar situation. Very easy to be smug when it's not your kid.

OP, you are overthinking this. Keep declining the invitation to their house ... for whatever reason you want. Keeping inviting to yours. The relationship will either last or it won't. You're making this tooo hard.

I have no problem with this. We're in DC. We live in an area where violence has encroached further and further into our neighborhood. It's terrifying and it's sad.

If my middle schooler invites a friend over, I am very clear and fully transparent about what the kids would like to do (e.g., walking to a nearby ice cream shop or staying in to just hang out) at this age and if they go out, whether or not it will be supervised by DH or me. I always say that one of us are always happy to walk w/the kids, if that's what they prefer. Our kid has certain routes they're allowed to take when on foot and certain parks they're not allowed to go to w/o a parent. They have to be home well before dark, because we live in a neighborhood that gets flooded w/diners, bar hoppers, and complete randos in the evenings. We are lucky in that our family knows many people that live near us and that work in the shops and cafes near us. My kid knows what to do if they feel unsafe.

Anonymous wrote:We don’t let our kids go to more dangerous areas. How can DCUM be so outraged by senseless gun violence in the US and at the same time pretend that all areas are safe.

Reiterate that you are so happy the kids are friends and that you love to host her son.

Privilege!

We don’t let our kids go to more dangerous areas. How can DCUM be so outraged by senseless gun violence in the US and at the same time pretend that all areas are safe.

Reiterate that you are so happy the kids are friends and that you love to host her son.

God forbid we have any class mixing. If you hate poor people so much, send your kid to private school.

Anonymous wrote:I miss the days when DCUM was for people in the DC area.

+100
When new forums were rolled out for CA, NYC, FL and such I knew our DC bubble had been exploited.


Op is probably posting from CA.

I'm guessing she's referring to Compton or Oakland come to mind.

I’m not going to pretend there’s no where in the US I wouldn’t send my kid. So I’m not going weigh in on whether or not to send your kid.

But if you don’t want to, I would keep it really simple and say you prefer hosting, and be effusive about what a great kid the friend is. And then continue to offer to have him over regularly. At most I’d say its further than you realized. You don’t need to insult them!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people think DC is super dangerous too. Yet we manage to raise our kids here just fine. Sooooo.....not really sure I can take you seriously, OP.

I would let my kids play there, inside. I live in DC, in an area (Cap Hill) where there is much more crime than in the suburbs, but yes, we feel generally comfortable and raise our kids here fine. But let's not ignore the horror of the crime in many parts of DC.

Like Buena Vista, where Kierra Tolen was shot two days ago, when she was inside, because her mother won't let her play outside because of the violence, including two murders this year within 500 feet of her house. And she's only one of the 72 kids that have been shot in DC this year. (https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2023/07/26/12-year-old-struck-stray-bullet-dc/)

And statistically that’s more kids than who go missing, forever never to return, in a year in the WHOLE COUNTRY. People are judging OP but then will worry about “stranger danger” and trafficking until blue in the face.

Anonymous wrote:Some people think DC is super dangerous too. Yet we manage to raise our kids here just fine. Sooooo.....not really sure I can take you seriously, OP.

I would let my kids play there, inside. I live in DC, in an area (Cap Hill) where there is much more crime than in the suburbs, but yes, we feel generally comfortable and raise our kids here fine. But let's not ignore the horror of the crime in many parts of DC.

Like Buena Vista, where Kierra Tolen was shot two days ago, when she was inside, because her mother won't let her play outside because of the violence, including two murders this year within 500 feet of her house. And she's only one of the 72 kids that have been shot in DC this year. (https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2023/07/26/12-year-old-struck-stray-bullet-dc/)

Anonymous wrote:I'm blunt and direct and even more so when it comes to my kids. I don't care if it's an uncomfortable conversation. If it's an area that I'm not comfortable with, my kid isn't hanging out there. For me the conversation would like something like this...and it would take place either in person or over the phone, not via text.

Hi Jane, I think it's great that our boys have become friends. It's nice that they want to hang out after school. I'm not comfortable with the crime in XYZ neighborhood. Larlo is welcome at our house when the boys want to get together.

And then pause to let the other parent respond. She could get defensive or she could say she understands. She may feel uncomfortable about the conversation. But if I would feel uncomfortable when my kids was in her neighborhood, why should her feelings trump mine?

You’re an a$$hole.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone on here trying to act like the OP is crazy.... you would not send your kid to anyones house you dont feel comfortable period. No explanation necessary. Even nice towns like Silver Spring have areas where you might think I dont want you hanging outside. Absolutely nothing for you to feel guilty about.

This 100%. I'm not sending my kids to sketchy or dangerous neighborhoods. If that friend wants to come to us, fine but I'm not depending on someone else to keep my kid safe. That's my job.