Anonymous wrote:I had a cushion growing up and I’m pretty unambitious.

I have a great life. I have time for my family, we love each other, we have enough money to feel safe and fulfilled, and my children will have the education to pursue whatever they want to pursue.

There’s more to life than being interviewed by trade publications or having a big house by the river.

I don’t want to “light a fire” under my children. They are their own people. It’s not up to me what they decide to do with their short time on the planet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both attorneys. My job is particularly challenging with travel and litigation. None of my kids want to be an attorney. They see the stress, long hours, constantly on the computer. It looks like he11 to them.

For my older child, we went driving along the Potomac and my kid noticed the big, beautiful homes. He asked who lives in those homes. I told him people who did really well in school and college. That lit a fire under him. Sometimes kids need to see the reality of choices. Do you want to live on a small home 2 hours outside of the city? No, then work hard.

You’re not raising your kids right. Stuff like that shouldn’t matter.

Anonymous wrote:This might come off odd to some people, but please hold your judgement. My husband is fairly successful. He's tech related, he's not internet famous but he is well known in his area of focus. Well respected by others, manage a very large team in a large company. He has been interviewed by various semi tech related news sites or international small news focus pubs. He works a ton. I also work, but certainly not at his level.

Anyway, over the past couple years, and certainly not helped by the pandemic, my son now soon turning 14 is really unmotivated. He'll do things if I ask him to, but never on his own. He used to love reading, now he barely picks up a book. He'll play video games, and he will go play outside with his friends, but video games are his primary entertainment, along with Youtube. I know that's very much the life of teens now and not too out of the ordinary.

However, what came across in conversations with him recently when we ask about what he likes to do or not want to do, he has mentioned that he does NOT want to work as hard as my husband. He sees how tired he is. He does know a lot of his accomplishments and I'm getting a sense that my husbands success might be a bit overwhelming for him. When we have kids, we always hope that they will do better than us, accomplish more, be happy of course. However, I really hope that my son isn't giving up on accomplishing anything as there would be very little chance for him to "do better than his old man" in a way.

He seems perfectly fine to aim for a life at a fast food restaurant paying $20/hr. No aspirations at all, hates to compete in anything official even though he's very athletic and in accelerated math etc.

I can't help but wonder if our easy life is making him aimless and really lacking a desire to accomplish anything if being the same or more successful than his dad would be really hard...and he's not willing to or want to work hard to get there.

Anyway, any suggestions in how you get your teen into something new or more motivated as they get older and have to eventually make those college decisions and applications. I'm continuing to be positive, supportive, and giving him ideas on things he could do. I haven't forced him to take on any activities other than 1 sport a season to stay active to balance all his device time. But maybe I should? Anyone else encounter a similar situation? Or maybe he'll just grown out of it and find his own way.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both attorneys. My job is particularly challenging with travel and litigation. None of my kids want to be an attorney. They see the stress, long hours, constantly on the computer. It looks like he11 to them.

For my older child, we went driving along the Potomac and my kid noticed the big, beautiful homes. He asked who lives in those homes. I told him people who did really well in school and college. That lit a fire under him. Sometimes kids need to see the reality of choices. Do you want to live on a small home 2 hours outside of the city? No, then work hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might come off odd to some people, but please hold your judgement. My husband is fairly successful. He's tech related, he's not internet famous but he is well known in his area of focus. Well respected by others, manage a very large team in a large company. He has been interviewed by various semi tech related news sites or international small news focus pubs. He works a ton. I also work, but certainly not at his level.

Anyway, over the past couple years, and certainly not helped by the pandemic, my son now soon turning 14 is really unmotivated. He'll do things if I ask him to, but never on his own. He used to love reading, now he barely picks up a book. He'll play video games, and he will go play outside with his friends, but video games are his primary entertainment, along with Youtube. I know that's very much the life of teens now and not too out of the ordinary.

However, what came across in conversations with him recently when we ask about what he likes to do or not want to do, he has mentioned that he does NOT want to work as hard as my husband. He sees how tired he is. He does know a lot of his accomplishments and I'm getting a sense that my husbands success might be a bit overwhelming for him. When we have kids, we always hope that they will do better than us, accomplish more, be happy of course. However, I really hope that my son isn't giving up on accomplishing anything as there would be very little chance for him to "do better than his old man" in a way.

He seems perfectly fine to aim for a life at a fast food restaurant paying $20/hr. No aspirations at all, hates to compete in anything official even though he's very athletic and in accelerated math etc.

I can't help but wonder if our easy life is making him aimless and really lacking a desire to accomplish anything if being the same or more successful than his dad would be really hard...and he's not willing to or want to work hard to get there.

Anyway, any suggestions in how you get your teen into something new or more motivated as they get older and have to eventually make those college decisions and applications. I'm continuing to be positive, supportive, and giving him ideas on things he could do. I haven't forced him to take on any activities other than 1 sport a season to stay active to balance all his device time. But maybe I should? Anyone else encounter a similar situation? Or maybe he'll just grown out of it and find his own way.

If your husband is successful in tech, why does the kid have to be motivated. Nepotism and a large bank account will get him farther than motivation ever could

+1. Most rich kids aren’t motivated. But their life is laid out for them

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both attorneys. My job is particularly challenging with travel and litigation. None of my kids want to be an attorney. They see the stress, long hours, constantly on the computer. It looks like he11 to them.

For my older child, we went driving along the Potomac and my kid noticed the big, beautiful homes. He asked who lives in those homes. I told him people who did really well in school and college. That lit a fire under him. Sometimes kids need to see the reality of choices. Do you want to live on a small home 2 hours outside of the city? No, then work hard.

Lol. What an inspiring story.

NP. It’s always entertaining when the plebs jump in these threads to share all their “knowledge” about who actually lives in those homes, judgement on those who encourage their kids to work hard, etc. Very transparent displays of insecurity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might come off odd to some people, but please hold your judgement. My husband is fairly successful. He's tech related, he's not internet famous but he is well known in his area of focus. Well respected by others, manage a very large team in a large company. He has been interviewed by various semi tech related news sites or international small news focus pubs. He works a ton. I also work, but certainly not at his level.

Anyway, over the past couple years, and certainly not helped by the pandemic, my son now soon turning 14 is really unmotivated. He'll do things if I ask him to, but never on his own. He used to love reading, now he barely picks up a book. He'll play video games, and he will go play outside with his friends, but video games are his primary entertainment, along with Youtube. I know that's very much the life of teens now and not too out of the ordinary.

However, what came across in conversations with him recently when we ask about what he likes to do or not want to do, he has mentioned that he does NOT want to work as hard as my husband. He sees how tired he is. He does know a lot of his accomplishments and I'm getting a sense that my husbands success might be a bit overwhelming for him. When we have kids, we always hope that they will do better than us, accomplish more, be happy of course. However, I really hope that my son isn't giving up on accomplishing anything as there would be very little chance for him to "do better than his old man" in a way.

He seems perfectly fine to aim for a life at a fast food restaurant paying $20/hr. No aspirations at all, hates to compete in anything official even though he's very athletic and in accelerated math etc.

I can't help but wonder if our easy life is making him aimless and really lacking a desire to accomplish anything if being the same or more successful than his dad would be really hard...and he's not willing to or want to work hard to get there.

Anyway, any suggestions in how you get your teen into something new or more motivated as they get older and have to eventually make those college decisions and applications. I'm continuing to be positive, supportive, and giving him ideas on things he could do. I haven't forced him to take on any activities other than 1 sport a season to stay active to balance all his device time. But maybe I should? Anyone else encounter a similar situation? Or maybe he'll just grown out of it and find his own way.

If your husband is successful in tech, why does the kid have to be motivated. Nepotism and a large bank account will get him farther than motivation ever could

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year old is the same way. He just doesn’t see the point in the rat race and says it’s better to enjoy life. I point out that life is easier when you have a higher paying job and a nice house but he says he would rather live in a converted bus or van and travel around the country enjoying life surfing and camping.

I sent him for a week over break to a relative’s house in Colorado that lives in a semi-rural place to do physical labor. I thought he would learn that it is tough and he wouldn’t want that type of life. Turns out he loved it and didn’t mind working 8 hours doing physical labor. He said he would be happy dropping out and working on the ranch and skiing on his days off.

Anonymous wrote:Try to make him see the ways to be successful that are not about money. My husband and I are lawyers who earn a good living but do public interest law. My kid, a rising freshman has tons of passion around causes she cares about it. Find something your kid cares about or feels strongly about (good or bad).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both attorneys. My job is particularly challenging with travel and litigation. None of my kids want to be an attorney. They see the stress, long hours, constantly on the computer. It looks like he11 to them.

For my older child, we went driving along the Potomac and my kid noticed the big, beautiful homes. He asked who lives in those homes. I told him people who did really well in school and college. That lit a fire under him. Sometimes kids need to see the reality of choices. Do you want to live on a small home 2 hours outside of the city? No, then work hard.

Lol. What an inspiring story.

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot of room in between a highly stressful or competitive job and a fast food job. I sometimes think that’s hard to see for people with a type A mindset, because they think anything lower than the top is a failure. Your son already seems wise enough to realize he doesn’t want the stressful career that your husband has. He wants more balance in life and that’s fine. Smart even. Guide him towards finding a rewarding career that suits his personality.