Anonymous wrote:200k salary is not a lot of money and influence to ‘throw around’ op. What is your grad degree in? You can probably get a job teaching in almost any school right now which would be a start. I’m sure he’s a jerk but you sound a bit paranoid. Just focus on getting yourself stable and maybe some therapy.

This. 200k is smoll beanz in NOVA. I take it OP is not from here originally.

Yawn step one: Get a job. Step two: Find another rich guy to marry. Try not to stress too much during this time because it WILL age you.

This sounds like a nasty divorce where both people hate each other and out to destroy each other without much consideration of their kids.

People can hate each other but act reasonably thinking of consequences kids may face. Imagine horrible years of co-parenting with such nasty attitudes.

Anonymous wrote:He is a fed. And he is corrupt you say. Why not make an anonymous hotline complaint to his office of inspector general. If he’s involved in any kind of fraud they will find it and take him down. The court won’t save him. Trust me!

Then there will be no money coming in, how is that helpful?

OP, stop talking about his fraud, court fraud, etc. and focus on doing what you can control and what you need to be. It's not easy but you have no choice. What did you do before?

Anonymous wrote:Are you ready to work for 60-70 hours a week, OP? Because that's the life you are going into now. Prepare never to see your kids, except at bedtime. Your kids are liability in dating, not an asset.

Good luck out there.

Wow. So cruel.

Anonymous wrote:This is the big danger w quitting work for women.
$200k is nothing and yes you need to find a job and should have done ages ago. My dh earns $200k and never in a million years did we think that was enough for me to do nothing.

Same. 200k and FOUR kids, two in college? That must be TIGHT! OP has a masters degree and previous 20+ years of work experience, surely there's something out there for 70k she can get to turn this around.

Would appreciate hearing recs for attorneys who did well for SAHM's in similar situations in NOVA, as well as attorneys to steer clear of.

NoVa? What is the name of his attorney?

Get a job.

Young teens is 13+ so they are fine coming home without you there.

Stop letting him control you.

Get a lawyer. Use your H’s money for that.

File for divorce, sell the house, get a townhouse somewhere cheaper.

I can relate so much to this my divorce is terrifying I hope I make it through this nightmare

I divorced my narc ex five years ago and will pay the final installment on my lawyers bill this month. And that was without a custody battle and settling out of court except for one non property related hearing. Get a job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a fed. And he is corrupt you say. Why not make an anonymous hotline complaint to his office of inspector general. If he’s involved in any kind of fraud they will find it and take him down. The court won’t save him. Trust me!

Op here. Did that. Inspector general looking into it. Hope our government works as it should. Not holding my breath. The state of our society is pretty nauseating in general

You need to focus on yourself and not him. You say he’s a narcissist, but you seem very enmeshed and overly focused on him.

Get a job. Get an apartment. Get a lawyer and move on with your life. The end!

OP here-I no longer give a damn about him, focused on the damage he has done to me and the kids. Focused on how to undo this damage.

You need to be focused on getting a job and paying for a lawyer. THAT is what you need to focus on right now. You can wallow when the divorce is finalized.

It sounds like your husband is manipulating facts. You need to get formal help. Call a DV agency for legal help

I went thru an infamous divorce (successfully) and here’s what you do:

Borrow money from family and hire a lunatic divorce litigator.

File for fault based divorce asap. Your litigator will find a reason for fault, that’s their job.

You will absolutely go to court. Don’t pretend you’ll manage not to. You will go to court and it will be sucky.

Don’t waste time with non-binding arb or non-binding mediation. Narcs exploit anything where there’s no firm consequence and mine tried to use arb and med as financial abuse.

Don’t let the narc drive the court process to the extent you and your lawyer can stop him. Try to get ahead of the endless schemes and legal stalling coming your way. He will find a horrific lawyer, believe me.

His lawyer will lie to your lawyer, or misrepresent facts…..or not have a clue about the truth because your STBX lied to the lawyer and frankly, that’s going to work in your favor eventually. Oh yes, that’s a thing.

Good luck. Power thru and get on with your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is a fed. And he is corrupt you say. Why not make an anonymous hotline complaint to his office of inspector general. If he’s involved in any kind of fraud they will find it and take him down. The court won’t save him. Trust me!

Op here. Did that. Inspector general looking into it. Hope our government works as it should. Not holding my breath. The state of our society is pretty nauseating in general

You need to focus on yourself and not him. You say he’s a narcissist, but you seem very enmeshed and overly focused on him.

Get a job. Get an apartment. Get a lawyer and move on with your life. The end!

OP here-I no longer give a damn about him, focused on the damage he has done to me and the kids. Focused on how to undo this damage.